I’m obviously not devastated about it or anything, merely about as bummed as you can imagine somebody like me would be in this situation. Her response was (basically word-for-word here) “I can’t, but I’m flattered,” which is a little comforting to me in the sense that I got the impression that she literally can’t because she’s either taken already or married; in another universe, then, perhaps she would’ve been inclined to go for it.
Still, I’m becoming exceedingly cynical about this entire enterprise. A quick perusal at my post history will reveal that I don’t exactly have the best luck in this arena, and even then, I’m growing increasingly convinced that all of the women my age (22) are going to already be married or have SO’s. I just pray I won’t have to wait until my late 20’s before I finally have a different story to tell.
I think it’s best to not really think about asking anyone out. Just, focus on being engaging and getting to know people, men and women, build of your social life, go to parties, get involved, etc. . . and before you know it, a female will let you know she’s interested. If you put yourself out there, a girl will eventually let you know, maybe sooner, maybe later. That’s been my experience. But, I’m no expert.
Given that this is in CS, should we help you get over it by recommending that you watch Breaking Bad, or read Lord of the Rings? Or maybe eat some of the tasty desserts Dopers will doubtless provide recipes for?
Agreed. Get online. That is how people your age meet dates. I hear kids are all about Tinder these days.
Go to a public place, like a Walmart or the DMV, and look around you. What percent of the people you see would you like to date? It’s probably relatively few.
The same goes for everyone. Most people are not going to want to date you, not because there is something wrong with you, but because people tend to have narrow tastes that you don’t happen to fit in to. You have to keep trying until you happen upon someone who is in to your type. Only then does it become about anything to do with you personally.
At your age, you should be using the telemarketing approach to asking girls out. Ask many and ask often. Your hit rate will dramatically increase. Don’t stress over it either. You’re asking these people out on a date…not to marry you.
“Another?” Those things probably have a 50:50 chance of a ‘yes’ so if you want a night out with a girl, you probably need to ask two women at a time and, in the unlikelihood they both say yes, apply your skills at scheduling.
Not really. It’s more like Schrödinger’s date, you do not know if it’s a yes or a no before you ask nor the actual probability, until then it’s at a half-yes-half-no state, but once you ask and collapse the function nothing guarantees us a 50:50 distribution.
And besides, if/when you get the yes, that’s just when you have to start to really work, to get repeats of that yes.
But at 22? Many good years left to keep working at it.
I tell my friends “You can’t get a run if you don’t swing”. [sub]Fuckers are all married now. Not that they needed my help at all.[/sub]
The rejection feeling is awful, but can be made less so. Get used to it. See a hot girl that may be a match? Ask her out knowing you may get shot down. She’ll likely be nice about it if you are.
Do that once a night and you’ll either land several dates with hot women that never get approached, or you’ll be immune to rejection so you can ask every time you see something that may be a match.
You are at the perfect age to implement this strategy. Just make sure not to become the kind of guy you wouldn’t let your sister date.
I hear that people in the South and Midwest tend to get married relatively young. When my brother moved to Ohio in his early 30s, he said everyone he met had basically married their high school or college sweetheart and still paled around with their friends from high school.
I’m undateable. My ex always told me one of the biggest reasons she liked me is that I was so unattractive in every way there’d never be any competition for me, both in the sense that I wasn’t interesting or smart enough to get friends or a good long-hours job and be able to ignore her, and especially that nobody else would ever want to date me. And that made her feel safe and happy. We broke up over a year ago, and when we did I had to accept that my potential pool (of not just dating, but also friends) is 0. There’s not even a point trying. After all, if somebody who loved me said that, how much worse must everyone else think of me?
No, she wasn’t. That’s why despite the fact that she keeps contacting me over and over I won’t take her back. But it doesn’t change the fact that every time I don’t take her back, I’m accepting a lifetime of having no friends or dates.
If there’s any silver lining here, it’s in all the effort you may have saved yourself by learning this at such a tender early age. There are more than a few people out there who took much longer to figure this out, only to get the message at age, say, 40 or so. Then they can spend their remaining days kicking themselves in the butt, saying, " :smack: If only I could live my life over, I would have realized this 20 years earlier and saved myself a whole hella lot of trouble . . . "
Wait a minute. You have an ex? Meaning you had a female in your life once? What, then, guarantees it can’t happen again?
ETA: As for the OP and anyone else participating in this thread: It’s all BSDL, people. (Bullshit, doubletalk, and lies.) Even if it isn’t that, it is, and a lot of it really is BSDL. The real lesson to be learned is: You’re on your own, folks. There’s absolutely nothing anybody will say (and possibly nothing anybody can say) that is of any use to anyone else. YMWV (Your mileage WILL vary) and anything anyone says, if it’s any help to anyone else, is only a happenstance accident.