The OP is dual-purpose: it is both a rant and a challenge. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to write a rant in Seussian verse on the following situation…
At least once a week, I have been receiving a spam e-mail from some member of the Republican Party and/or the Republican National Committee, urging me to support them in some election-related and/or partisan endeavor or another. I find these missives rather annoying, as a) I hate spam, and b) in any case, the likelihood of my voting Republican in November is roughly on the same level as the likelihood of my enlarging my penis. But for your pleasure and/or amusement, here is today’s spam message:
Last week, I sent you an e-mail asking for your help to keep pressure on the FEC and encourage them to take action to stop the flow of tens of millions of dollars in illegal soft money that is funding attack ads on President Bush.
Your response was fantastic. [It was? I wasn’t aware I had responded, as I reported the previous message as spam and deleted it without reading it when I saw the sender.] More than 66,000 e-mails have been sent to the Commissioners. Thank you for all you’ve done. Unfortunately, we cannot rely on the FEC to act anytime soon. [Especially if you’re depending on complaints from people who don’t support you, never have, and in all likelihood never will.]
We must prepare for the worst and assume that these shadowy liberal propaganda groups - who are illegally working to help Senator Kerry - will outspend our campaign until they are forced to shut down. President Bush needs the help of grassroots leaders like you [I do operate at the grassroots now and again, but not in the way you guys apparently imagine] to respond to the deceitful ads these groups are airing with this illegal cash. Please contribute today, using our secure server, so we’ll have the resources to counter their efforts.
Don’t let billionaires like George Soros - who has compared President Bush to a Nazi and said he would spend every penny he has to win - side-step the law and use illegal funds to attempt to defeat our President. Please help today.
I hope we can count on your support. [NOT!]
I wonder how they got my e-mail address…and I wonder what the Republican view on spam is.