I am unemployed, my bank account is in the negative range, I am continually surprised that my phone hasn’t been shut off for lack of payment, I’m on short-rations as far as food goes, I’m selling my CDs, my stocks (and goddess did I ever take a bath on those!), next on the list to be sold are my DVDs, VCR, CD player, and my DVD player. Did I spend today out looking for a job? No, I spent today tearing apart the starter for my car because my dad insisted that I do that instead of letting me take one of his cars and going job hunting. I get the damn thing apart, find out that its a relatively insignificant thing wrong with it, and that if the part’s available (and in my price range $5) I can fix it. So I go to the parts places in town, none of them have it, and none of them really recommend my simply replacing that one part and not the whole starter.
So I explain the situation to my dad. I also tell him that when the note for this place comes due in less than ten days, I’m not going to have the money. He mumbles something and suggests that I call a scrapyard to find out how much I can get a starter from them. (Well outside of my price range, I can assure you.) Then dad sends me an e-mail that says
WTF? Do you think that I’ve been sitting on my ass playing video games? I’ve sent out resumes, when I’ve had wheels I’ve gone and applied for jobs, I’ve applied for jobs that I don’t have a shot in hell of getting or have any desire of doing just so that I can have a paycheck! Hell, I’ve even got coworkers at a former employer that I detest (the employer, not the coworkers), badgering his ass to hire me back! I don’t need any motivation to find a job! I’ve got the demon belly providing me with enough motivation! What I need is someone to hire me or money so that I can buy some fucking food, goddamn it! Why the fuck don’t you call up one of your buddies and see if you can’t give them to give me a job? Even something temporary as a favor for an old friend?
Christ! You had improved for a while there, and now you’re back to your same old shit again. I know you’ve helped in the past, and I’m grateful for it, and I know you’re retired and you just spent a continually variable dollar figure on some things that needed fixing around your house, but for fucks sake, I know what your net worth is, I’ve a good idea what your bank account hovers around, it wouldn’t kill you to help me out until I can find a job (any job) and get back on my feet!
Hold on to that E-Mail and if he ever has any debilitating disease or just suffers the ravages of old-age and needs help, then send him back the E-Mail.
It is true he owes you nothing, but by the same token you owe him nothing as well.
Assuming that you have not burned him in the past, I guess your dad is just greedy.
I’m sorry, Tucker, am I missing something? I realize a pep speech from Dad probably feels like fingernails on a chalkboard, given the desperation you must be feeling, but from what I read in the snippet you included in your OP he’s just trying to build your confidence.
Have you asked him for help in finding you a job or financial help and he has flat out refused? If that happened followed by his e-mail I can understand why you’re irked.
I hope your money situation improves immediately…don’t let Dad distract you.
Parents have a way of irritating that is unlike any other form of irritation. I read the part of the email you posted. Is there a possibility that you are misunderstanding his intention? As an outsider, and as a person making an effort to be objective, I can see how this possibility could exist. I am not saying that it does exist b/c I have no way of knowing. It sounds like you really don’t need the added stress and frustration that sometimes goes along with an incident like this.
I do not want to get too personal but I hope you will consider this hypothetical. Imagine that you are pretty much set, financially secure. If your dad needed help would you offer? If the answer is yes, why not just ask for his help? Be specific so he doesn’t look for web sites that have jobs posted. IMHO, there is nothing wrong with communicating needs and expectations. I guess he knows you want and need his help. Why not just ask for exactly what you need from him at this particular point? Then be prepared to accept whatever his answer may be. The answer would be good information to have even though it may be unfavorable. If he just flat-out refuses to give or loan money then you have eliminated that possible solution and you can deal with it , process it, and move immediately on to the next best solution.
Good luck. I apologize in advance for adding my two cents on such a personal issue.
Yes, I’ve asked dad for help and his response has always been, “I don’t have any money.” :rolleyes: Eventually, he’ll probably kick some money my way, after I’ve screamed and shouted and threatened never to have anything to do with him again. It has almost always been thus. What pisses me off is that if he helped out when I first stated that I needed the money, I wouldn’t end up in such sorry states. Instead, it’ll be crunch time, and once I do find a job and get an income, I’ll have a long climb back up to where I can afford to do things that I need to do (like getting another car). I mean, for fucks sake, I’m not asking the guy to support me in a luxurious lifestyle, I’m just asking for a couple of hundred dollars.
And if the situation were reversed, I’d cough up the money, no questions asked. If for no other reason than I know what its like to worry about where and when you’re going to have your next meal.
Your father is just going to be that way. You can’t change anythig, accept it and move on. Having to browbeat him for chump change is humilating for you and irritating to him. Accept the reality of the situation and get out of the loop mentally if even if you have stay there physically for now.
