I don't even know how to respond to this...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Or, grown-ass woman with a maybe fake boyfriend…
A friend of mine (who lives in another state) – let’s call her Cathy – has had a mysterious boyfriend for the past couple of years. He was on a website a number of us hung out on, and also on Facebook. However, he never posted any photos of himself. “He hates to have his picture taken.” Ok, me too. Whatever.

Then a mutual friend noticed that Cathy’s boyfriend wrote in a voice that sounded exactly like Cathy’s, and that he always agreed with her. Always, even when she was being a little weird.

About 8 months ago, Cathy’s mom died, and I went down to the memorial service. Cathy’s boyfriend was not there, because he didn’t like funerals. At Thanksgiving, which we spent together, he was “out of town on work”.

So, all this is making me think, huh.

Fast-forward to January. Boyfriend has emergency heart surgery. He is released from the hospital suspiciously early.

Then suddenly last night, boyfriend has a heart attack and dies. Cathy IM’s me and tells me how freaked-out she is.

However, when he supposedly had the heart attack, there are time-stamped posts on FB that don’t mention it.

And then, Cathy posted a photo of the boyfriend. The production of the photo looked too good to be a casual snapshot, so I Google Image’d it…and it’s a Spanish model/actor. :smack:

So my question is, where the hell do I go with this? I can’t really say, “So, you were dating Spanish model Rafael?” I can’t really just ask, “Did you make him up?” Because if he was real (though my spidey-sense says no.) that would be awful.

And why on earth would you make up a boyfriend when you’re in your late 40s? WHY?

So, general thoughts requested. Jokes are fine and appreciated (“this one time, at band camp…”). Because I don’t even know how to address this, or if I should just shut up about it and let it go, since she’s obviously let the “boyfriend” go.

2

Apart from this issue, do you consider your friendship with Cathy to be a good one and one that you want to continue, even if you know she is a liar?

3

She attempted to stop living a lie and presumably wants to put the whole mess behind her. I would recommend that’s what you do as well.

4

Yeah, neither do I.

I don’t think I could remain friends with someone like that.

5

Yes. She is a genuinely kind person, and is quite smart and fun, which is why I am so surprised by this. Trust will be difficult – I’ll be in a “listen and verify” mode for some time.

Other info about here: dad is an alcoholic. She lost a pet and her mom within a month of each other. Last year was tough with that and some health problems that have been difficult to resolve.

As The Joker and the Thief mentioned, she’s it seems that she’s trying to extracate herself from a big mess that might have grown out of control along the way, and I do think it is good she’s trying to put the “boyfriend” behind her.

6

I’m with TheJokerAndTheThief, on this. Sounds suspicious. But hardly worth putting any energy into. For whatever reason she needed to make him up. And now she’s grown tired of the charade. If she’s your friend, allow her the dignity to erase this chapter without probing questions etc.

Just let it lie.

(Which isn’t to say this would be forgotten. Just filed away, in case such antics should reappear in some other manifestation!)

7

Yes. Let her “bury” the boyfriend story and move on.

We are good friends with a very sweet woman who lives with one major delusion. Her boyfriend was brutally murdered 20 years ago and chopped up. She still thinks that was a bogus story and he is in “witness protection”. :eek:

We just ignore that part, and she doesn’t really mention it anymore.

8

That’s a horrible way to lose someone.

Weirdly, I had a dream about my fiance’ being in “witness protection” after he died in 2011.

9

How do we even know Cathy exists? We don’t have any facebook evidence either. So, Grumpy Bunny you come in here one day and just talk about your “friend” and “her” “fake boyfriend”? How do we know you didn’t make her up? What if you made up a person who made up another person?

Gasp!

Inception!

10

I would “confess” to Cathy, in front of others, that for some time you have been enjoying a torrid affair with her “boyfriend.” While you are deeply embarrassed to have to reveal this, the good news is that he isn’t really dead, he just wanted a clean break from Cathy.

Certain to be interesting.

11

I knew this woman about 15 years ago and she had a fake boyfriend. She was an older lady and she had this FBF because she was a closeted lesbian.

I’d say, let it go, let her move on.

12

Damn, you caught me. :mad:

13

Sir T-Cups, it’s obvious she made up the story in a (poor) attempt to cover her theft.
When I got up this morning, I couldn’t find my sense (a not-uncommon occurrence :(). However, after logging onto the Dope, I realize why I can’t find it.

Your Spidey-sense?!?!? :eek: Lemme ask you this, missy; how long have you had said Spidey-sense? How did you acquire it? :mad: :mad: :mad:

14

I, uh, plead the Fifth. Or have a fifth. A fifth is somehow involved.

Wait, isn’t this where I say that no one is taking me seriously, and flounce out?

15

I agree. Cathy probably started out with a minor lie about having a boyfriend and it just grew. At some point, carrying the lie became too much of a burden so she invented a way out of it. She probably understands how unlikely the whole thing looks and knows all her friends have their suspicions. But there’s nothing to be gained by confronting her except to embarrass her.

16

If you really care about her as a friend, and as a person, then I think you have to take this seriously. She was obviously grieving, and people do weird things then. I have always said that new parents and widow(er)s should be given as many second chances as there are days.

But its also a symptom of something. IMHO the best case scenario is that she was crushingly lonely, and instead of feeling supported by her friends she was feeling pitied. Like, the sort of thing where people say “Oh, no, who does she even have now?!?” while having lunch together instead of maybe inviting her to lunch and assuring her that “You’ve still got us.”

So rather than face the humiliation she tried to bring her daydreams to the table.

This is, of course, only a guess. But I’d say the worst possible thing would be to increase her embarrassment. Rather, go back to the beginning, and take her to lunch or a movie, and show her who she DOES have.

I’d also research grief counseling groups in your area, and offer to go with her if she’d like to try one.

Another possibility is that she was truly fooled by some jerk on the internet, and is now even more mortified to find out the truth. These things happen. Maybe find a good article and post it on your wall. It may give her a chance to open the conversation if she wishes.

There’s an easily google-able term for that sort of scam, but I’m demmed if it will come to me. It happened to a fairly well-known football player a couple of years ago.

17

Totally break up with her. Oops, wrong thread.
Um, let it go. Back when I was sick but didn’t realize it I’d get delusional–my brain would make stuff up, it would stress me out, I’d have to talk to someone about whatever it was and not realizing I was living partly in a fantasy. As I would come out of the delusion, the story would still be out there and feeling very real to me because it had been. It happened in my head so the memories would be as real as anything else. But the story would start to fall apart in my head, others might see some holes as well. Humiliating and confusing. Try & work out what the hell happend, try to keep appearing as sane as possible, walk away from that chapter and pray nobody ever brings it up. Keep playing sane because nobody loves a liar.

18

Münchausen by Internet?

19

I would let it go. Unless she whines and fake grieves all the time. In that case I would do the slow fade.

20

Pretty much this. I had a long-term friend with a fake girlfriend — to just about everyone but me. She was an invention because he was tired of folks trying to either fix him up or comment on his status. He was alone, liked being alone and saw no need of becoming a “couple”. I caught on and he eventually came clean to me but he kept it up for at least another 5 years without all the drama in the OP.