I don't have a sister

The BBQ Pit
21

Hey, I’m smaller than everyone in my family, but I still managed to pound them into the ground everytime they annoyed me. The secret is to ignore being hurt-- and literally try to kill your opponent.

The computer’s in your bedroom, and your sister’s allowed to use it? That is a bad thing. It’s pretty much set up so that you have no right to privacy whenever your sister wants to type. That’s unacceptable. Your mom may have paid for it-- but I’m betting she also paid for your clothes, your shoes, and you don’t have to share those, right?

Having the computer in your room makes it your territory, and if your sister is allowed to invade at will, then the computer should go in your mother’s bedroom.

Pammipoo has the right idea. A few zip disks can go very far-- especially if you know how to hide things.

Your sister does sound like she needs to be taken down a peg-- unfortunately you may not be the gal to do it.

You can take solace in one thing though-- when you move out, you can ignore her, and you never need to speak to her again.

22

You are 23 years old. Regardless of your social standing in life, you should be on your own by now. That is assuming that have no physical disabilities of course. You shouldnt be letting a 16 year old girl play your mind like that. 16 year old girls are supposed to be little bitches. Its about that age when they start cock teasing guys. Its fun for them. But you are old enough now where you should be able to take control, get a job, and get the fuck out of your moms house. Im guessing you are not employed since your mom says she pays for the computer. Im a 24 year old man by the way. I was a dandruff ridden outcast with zero friends and no girls within a mile radius of me when I was younger. My little sis was a cheerleader, A+ student, Boyfreinds etc… Mrs popular. But now I have a kick ass job with a wife and kid to boot. You just gotta get up and say, “Fuck it, If I fail I fail, I need to get the fuck out of moms house and do something with my self”.

This isnt suppose to be a flame, and you sound like a sweet girl in your other posts. But I could feel the other people avoid saying what I said to you. I guess you take the chance of hearing the bad truths when you post on a public message board. :frowning:

23

Em thanks for that P. I wasnt quite brave enough to say that I was a little surprised to read that. I was concerned also that there might be health reasons why a 23 yo would still be living at home.

I would imagine that the purile, petty and ridiculous issues you have with your sister are not exactly doing your self esteem any good. This sort of behaviour is the kind of thing you might expect from a 16yo. Seriously , do you expect to be able to relate to a 16yo on you terms? Surely there is a gulf of huge proportions in terms of maturity and experience.

Write her off as a petty , annoying little cunt if you wish (it sounds like she certainly qualifies) , but realise also that she’s a teenager. In time she might well grow into someone you could be buddies with if this bickering doesnt get any worse and permanent resentment doesnt build up.

Having grown up with 4 (count em…4) sisters I do understand how cruel , hurtful and downright evil sisters can be to each other . I know of several complexes they have given each other but nowadays they all relate reasonably well.Particularly since number2 finally moved out at the age of 24.

Life for her in that house was obviously difficult. Used to having her way and being afforded the priveledges her age allowed she had a touch time reconciling that with the growing expectations of her 2 youger sisters who were beginning not to look at her as being deserving of any elevated status based purely on her age.

It often looked as though one or other might die over who was wearing whos top. Locks were put on wardrobes.Dangerous Lock picking skills were invented , resulting in locks being evetually thrown through windows. The remote control still has sellotape from when it was cracked open on the head of a Buffy lover by a Stargate fan. Absolute war.

But 24yo moved out some months ago ago now they have entered a new period of dentente. The younger ones even visit the older one who is now enjoying her status as someone they can look up to and envy rather than someone they must thwart in her efforts to snag their make-up.

I was always dismayed by their behaviour and really I think I understand what sisters can do to each other but dont you think you are a little beyond and above this by now ?

24

Guin–

As the oldest of four sisters (I’m 24; the others are 23, 21, and 18), I understand exactly where you’re coming from. And furthermore, I can tell you that it’s not going to get any better until you move out of the house.

She’s 16. She’s acting the way teenagers act. But you’re 23 now, you’re an adult, and you should know better than to get involved in this petty stuff. I’d urge you to move out of the house as soon as possible. Believe me, you’ll gain a lot of maturity, as well as a whole new perspective on the situation.

I know you’re thinking, “I’m mature! I have perspective!” Let me assure you that you’re wrong. Until a person leaves home, they never truly completely grow up. Come on–fighting with your sister like this? It’s pretty juvenile for a 23-year-old. (Believe me, I know–I fought with my younger sisters the very same way until I moved out of the family home permanently a couple of years back.)

Good luck.

25

I also have 3 sisters, two of them younger by several years.

I’ve found that my next-youngest sister is not someone that I like very much. In fact, I’ve had it with her shit.

So, I just don’t accept her calls, or have much to do with her. My choice, and one that is definately allowed.

You can pick your nose, you can pick your friends, you can pick your friends’ nose, but you can’t pick your family.

The advice to move is the reasonable one to follow at this point. Let you mom have all of the fun for a while, I bet she gets tired of it soon, very soon.

26

This is interesting.

I have always maintained that just because someone is related to you by blood does not mean it is meant that there are any guarantees that they will be friends.

I have four older brothers. ( well, two now) and we have never been close. I 've always held this to many reasons, most dealing with the fact that I am adopted and they are manic depressives eeyore type personalities. They also range in being any where from 7-18 years older than me. (The oldest brother, who died in 94, I met maybe three times and it was always went he was crawling home to beg for money, so this is not one of those memories you voluntarily dreg up.)

Because of severe disabilities, I have grown up fighting my own battles and have never asked once for anything from then because they cannot do it, have no money, and are, frankly, extraordinarily depressing to be around. (Except the brother that died in January, he was our Archie Bunker,and when he wasn’t pissing you off with one thing or another, he was actually funny.) I always considered myself an only child.

Frankly, the only thing we have in common is my mom.

I’ve watched the dynamics between my husband and his only sibling, a sister, who is 3 years younger, and have summarily watched her use and manipulate him (but in a nice way) over the past dozen years. She is selfish, self absorbed, a snob and either narrow minded or her brain does not receive enough oxygen, it’s a tough call.

She’s also a devout Christian whom GOD helps her out of her out ( financially,GOD is on her side, and HE/SHE is against me)more than, well, anyone else I’ve ever heard of.

He will fight to the death for her.

Does this annoy me?

Yes, and I use to think because no one ever fought for me.
Then I realized, slowly and after alot of teeth grinding, it chaps my butt because what he is doing is * awful*, he is protecting her from teh realities of the world that she refuses to live in. She has never learned to live with the consequences of her decisions because everyone in her family bails her out of one of her " whoops, I guess i should not have done that" things.

However, after all these years, my husband has slowly come around to realize she is a self absorbed nincompoop, as is her right protected by the Declaration of Independence and he does now not rush to help her as quickly.

27

Guin - first of all, let me say that I like reading your posts. They’re generally intelligent and thoughtful, and usually have a lot to add to whatever threads they’re in. Whatever RL may be like for you, you seem to have your head pretty well together here.

I’ll add my voice to the chorus of those who are urging you to move out if you can. The gap between 16 and 23 is a huge one, and she’ll be easier to take in small doses. Not to mention, it’ll be easier, once she’s grown up somewhat, for the two of you to become friends if you’ve just plain given things a rest for awhile.

There may be perfectly good reasons why you can’t move out just yet. If that’s the case, then you’ve got a tougher row to hoe, and there’s only so much you can do to make things better. But let’s add 'em up:

I’ll modify *Barbarian’s suggestion about where the computer goes - your mother’s room may not be feasible. But if there’s any ‘common room’ - living room, den, rec room, even possibly the kitchen if there’s a safe corner away from food prep/eating areas - besides where the TV is, see if your mom’s amenable to letting you move the computer there. That would at least deprive little sis of any excuse to come into your room.

Second, I’m gonna build on iampunha’s suggestion about escaping. What’s your schedule like, and what’s your sister’s schedule like? (I expect the latter will change in a few weeks, with school and all.) When is she usually around, and when is she usually at work, or off with her friends, or whatever?

If there’s any semi-consistency to the times she’s home/away, try to use that to your advantage. Do the things you have to do (or enjoy doing) at home at the times she’s normally away. And escape to the library (libraries have computers, as well as books), a local park, or whatever at the times she’s normally home.

Of course, if she’s always around and awake during the 9pm-midnight timeframe, there isn’t a whole lot you can do in the way of escape, other than change your sleep schedule and become an early-bird. (Tough to do, but it might be worth it: it might be easier to be asleep while little sis is home, than to put up with her. And you’ll have an extremely legitimate beef about sis to present to your mom if sis plays her music loud when you’re asleep, rather than when you’re just hanging out at home.)

But do your best to minimize the times and means of contact/potential conflict with sis. Maybe you and your mom can brainstorm together about how best to do this - it’ll convey the message that you’re trying to minimize the stress. And you can suggest things like “if I change my schedule so I’m in bed at 10pm, could you lay down the law if she starts blaring her stereo after that hour?” which has the chance, at least, of getting your mom on record, in advance, about ways she’ll help you out and take your side in this.

It’s gonna be tough, but I hope this helps. Good luck!

28

My sister and I had the same type of relationship - constantly fighting and bitching at one another, until last year, when I moved out to go to school. Since then, we occasionally talk on the phone and get along fine when I do see her(which isn’t often since its an 8 hour drive home). ALthough, by the end of the 2 week x-mas break, we weer on each other’s case again. Basically, we’re two different types of people, and we would likely never be friends if we’d met at school or something. Also, she’s the baby in the family, and is kind of used to being able to run to Mommy and Daddy when my brother and I pick on her. I think she also expects people do always cater to her needs because of the time when she couldn’t walk due to her juvenile arthritis. She was in a lot of pain, and everyone did things for her, and I think she got a little too used to it. She still has pain sometimes, and will use it as an excuse to not do things around the house, etc. She’s very much a snob, and very self-absorbed, but at the same time, I know that she’s concerned about how she appears to other people, and worries that she can’t meet everyone’s expectations. Her self-esteem is probably a bit lower than she’d like to admit.

The thing that drove me nuts during our fights were her claims that “no one likes you, not even your friends”. That’s the kind of argument she’s have about stuff, and it was SO illogical. What, pray tell, does that have to do with you going into my room? She also started using the excuse “I’m a teenager, I’m SUPPOSED to make mistakes/be bitchy etc.”. NOT a valid excuse for anything!

I know my parents got really frustrated with her, and how she expected everyone to do everything for her (not that they ever successfully said no to her). I think she’s getting a bit better as she gets older (18 next month) and experiences more, but she’s always going to be a snobby, self-centered person.

shrug

As I said, I get along ok with her now, and that will probably improve a bit as she (and I, I suppose) get older. So I guess all this is to say that maybe moving out is a good idea, and in the meantime, accept that this is who she is right now, and ignore her as much as possible!

29

Ummm…I’m 29 and I live with my parents and I am totally grown up.

I can’t move out because I can’t afford to and besides, with my problems and my inability to make friends and lack of confidence I would be horribly lonely and the idea scares me half to death to be honest…and it is a moot point because I can’t afford it anyway. (property prices/rents are extremely expensive where I am)

Um…don’t take this the wrong way, but saying “you’re not properly grown up until you have moved out” is rather hurtful to me.

I can’t move out! and least not for the forseeable future. It dosen’t make me any less a grown woman than anyone else. I wish I could move out but I can’t. I already have this terrible fear that I’m not as good as other people, that I am not a proper adult (yes my mum does treat me like a bloody 5 year old) and now someone blithely comes on and says “If you havent moved out you havent grown up properly”

Bah-if it wasn’t for the fact that I am trying to prove my maturity I would tell them to go fuck themselves.

Humph.

30

Okay, I’m gonna be annoying and put some words in Guin’s mouth.

If she’s 23 and doesn’t enjoy her family life, I’m willing to bet that she’s been wanting to move out for a loooong time. (Hell, I do, and I’m only 18.)

I’ve also heard her bitch about her job at Wal-Malt (right?) so she isn’t unemployed.

Now, back to the topic. It sucks that your sister is such a bitch, and she really does sound like one. It’s bad enough to have people make you feel like you’re worthless, but it’s even worse when it’s someone who’s opinion you are predisposed to be sensitive to, like a relative. I’m not gonna venture any advice 'cause… well, I get the feeling nothing I can suggest would actually work.

Sorry Guin, but I’m gonna hijack a bit:

Not all 16 year old girls are bitches, and contrary to your beliefs, the life of a 16 year old girl is not about “cock-teasing”. It’s also totally irrelevant.

Man, it’s a good thing that I’m so unwilling to actually flame someone, otherwise this post would be something really pit-worthy.

31

Um…I’m sorry about the ‘go fuck yourself’ thing. I was a bit angry. Guess I undermined my whole point about being as mature as everyone else there?

It’s just that I do have certain problems with mental health and stuff, which I am beginning to get over now, and hopefully things will get better from here on in. So that makes it kind of hard to leave home and I can’t anyway because of the finance thing.

It’s just that the bitches from school who destroyed my self esteem and nearly destroyed my sanity (sorry to be so melodramatic) live in their own houses with their own lovers and husbands and children and are like proper grown ups and I still live much like I did when I was 12 and it burns me that’s all…

So when someone says “you aren’t properly mature until you leave home” it just pushes all my buttons, that’s all.

I’m just as good as anyone else dammit.

Sorry to hijack Guinastasia’s thread about her sister. I will be good in future I promise :slight_smile:

32

Take heart, Guin. One day you’ll both look back at these years and laugh. Or at least you won’t want to strangle her anymore.

BTW, I think you smell fine.

33

Guin I feel sorry for your little sister. She sounds like she is jealous of you and is lashing out to get attention. Maybe a person who works in the child psychology field can correct me if I am wrong, but I have always understood that when there is that large a gap in the ages of children, the sibling rivalry is less. Do you do things together? If not, I suggest you start. One of my sisters is 8 years younger and the other is 14 years older. Although not bossom buddies, there was not the rampant sibling rivalry. When my little sister was a pain, I realized she just wanted to be with me. I wouldn’t always let her play those reindeer games, but I would allow her to join my friends and me in some activities. We would take her to the movies with us (actually used her as the excuse of why we were going to see the G-rated Disney movies).

34

Um, no. I payed for the computer. Me. I payed for the scanner. BUT…my parents paid for the phone line and the internet. It is used by ALL of us, and it’s only in MY room for convenience sake. We had it downstairs, but it really wasn’t convenient. Our house is rather small.

Oh yes, I’ll just move out. Too bad I’ll have to quit school to get a full time job to pay for utilities, rent, food, clothing, not to mention bus fare. And if you had bothered to READ other threads, you’d know I have a job, go to school full-time and volunteer at a local museum twice a week.

Why is it always assumed that living at home is still a failure? It’s not. Maybe I just feel COMFORTABLE living at home. Both of my parents lived at home until they got married-at 25, and were fully functioning, independent adults.

Look, how can I stress this-I CANNOT AFFORD TO MOVE OUT AT THIS POINT IN TIME. Unless someone here is willing to pay for my room and board.

Thank you. Did I also mention I don’t drive, and I suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder AND ADHD which makes getting my license a little hard.
LaurAng-close, Kmart. And actually, from what it may sound like, I LIKE living at home. I get along with my parents, and usually manage to avoid my sister most of the time. She doesn’t want to use the computer a lot, but she does she is rude about it. My cats are here, I’m going to school about ten minutes away-I’m not just going to move out just to prove something.

So peeps, until you are in MY shoes, please do not try to judge me and tell me I’m not grown up, or that I’m immature, or not fully independent.
Another thing-she runs hot and cold. Today, she’s being nice to me. It’s freaky. I can’t gauge her moods.

Growing up, she was just annoying. A pest. She always wanted to hang out with me and my friends, or be with me, or wanted to wear my clothes, and use my stuff. I hated it then…but now, it’s like, I miss it.

35

Guin,

Let me adopt ya… :smiley: I could use a little sister.

Elly

36

Growing up I HATED my little sister (two years younger). Not only did we scream and yell at each other, we had physical, punching the shit out of each other, bloody fights. In fact, I still have a small scar on my hand from the time I punched her in the face. . . .er. . . actually, the scar came from the glass in the window I punched through and not her face. She had locked me outside then smashed her face on the window saying “nyah nyah nyah”, so I just went BOOM!!! with my fist through the window. Missed her nose, dammit.

I don’t know how our parents survived us.

When I married and moved out, we became closer. We went to college together (same classes), got hired as bookkeepers at the same place, we were then both hired on together with the Bureau of Reclamation, and then when two jobs came open at the agency where we currently work, we were both hired again. We have been here for almost 14 years, both of us are counselors, her office is right next to mine.

We carpool to work together, go to the gym together, and are known throughout the building as “The Sisters”.

Eleven years ago I introduced her to a very good friend of mine. They have been married for 10 years now. When they looked for a house to buy, they found one a half a mile away.

Our daughters are the same age and our youngest boys are the same age. All five of our kids (I have an older boy) have grown up very close, went to the same sitters, and have been in the same classes at school. Our youngest boys are again with the same teacher this year.

I tease her by telling others that she is STILL a tagalog little sister even at our old age. We are now 39 and 37 years old. She is my best friend.

It’s funny. One of the things I was looking forward to when I was a kid was to move out and away from her!!! Had anyone told me we would someday be inseparable, I would not have believed them. Now, I don’t know if I could cope with my everyday life without her. I’ve gotten kind of use to having her around. :smiley:

37

Damn right. Do you people know that, according to the 2000 US census, over 50% of 18-24 year olds live at home at least 4 months a year? Primarily because it’s too fucking expensive to live alone on what jobs young people are able to get now that temp jobs are prefered by employeers over entry level positions. You have no right to judge a person’s maturity solely on the fact that they can’t afford an apartment.

38

There are any number of good reasons why someone might live at home at the age of 23. Finishing your education is a pretty good one.

Unfortunately, I can’t empathize with your situation Guin. I have always had a good relationship with my brother and my sister. You have my sympathy, though. My best suggestion would be to try and stay “above the fray”. From psychology 101: Act as if you already felt the way you want to feel. You’ll find, after enough time, that you do feel that way. Try to behave as if it doesn’t bother you. Don’t let her get away with shit, but when you nail her, do it in a calm, rational manner. It’s usually much more effective, and more likely to engender the ongoing sympathy of those in power, in this case, the parents.

39

I will not say that one is not ‘properly’ grown up until one moves out of their parents home, because I don’t believe it’s true. But I will say that the individual who moves out will find that they do more growing. Said individual will also have the opportunity to grow even more when a parent dies. The fact that the opportunity for growth exists does not make the death automatically desirable.

40

I tend to not be someone who likes to turn on the flamethrower, but the fact of the matter is, if you wanted to, you could move out of mommy and daddies house, get a job AND go to school full time, and still survive.

You see, I have no sympathy for people who live at home, whose parents are probably paying for them to go to school, who have no responsiblities to anyone other than themselves, and can still find ways to be miserable.

I can speak as an authority on this subject, because I am 24 (moved out on my own at 19), working full time in a good paying job, go to school full time (engineering by the way), AND still manage to raise my daughter and take care of my wife. I have no time to do shit with my family. I work my ass off. But you wont hear me bitching about it. I chose my path in life as did you. If your biggest worry in life is your 16 year old fucking sister, you have it made sweetheart.

Sisters are bitches. I have one, most people do. Deal with her or move the fuck out. Its that easy. Be the grown up. If you dont like when a person, such as me, posts the hard truths of the matter, then dont post shit like this on a public message board. So I didnt tell you ways to get back at your 16 year old sister. She is still a kid. You are not. And dont have a pity party because you dont have friends or are fat or stink or something and dont make excuses for your situation, because there are alot more people who are outcasts out there, myself included, that managed to break thru and prevail. I got my ass kicked daily by my schoolmates. I had the worst fucking dandruff. It was embarassing. So I bought some Head and Shoulders, moved the fuck out of town, and now I am successful, happy, dandruff free, and am much better looking :slight_smile: .

Everyone on this board is gonna hate me for this post, but I am sorry. This had to be said. Phlip is now gonna be hounded in every thread :frowning: