Best wishes. Take care of yourself. You can’t take care of him unless you are fairly whole and healthy. Since you are on meds, I’m sure you have a therapist. Make sure to give him/her a call.
Reach out to others. Here and in person. See some of your other friends. Join a bookclub at Barnes and Noble. Take a knitting class. Keep yourself busy.
AFG, good thoughts from here too. I’ve battled depression all my life, and finally got on some medication that worked a few years ago. And I’m one of those, like your husband, who want to be alone when depressed. I’d glad he has some support to call upon when he needs to. But sometimes I guess you feel you need to wallow, then climb out, yourself. If he can gets his meds adjusted, I’m sure things will improve.
You can bet every message is apprecated - you all have been beyond helpful, and most definitely have softened the blow.
After things went down last night I was crying too much to have a conversation that anyone could understand, so my mom was nice enough to call in sick for work for me. My turd-smelling, mouth-breathing boss, instead of showing concern for the state I’m in, badgered her, asking “When’s she going to be back? What’s the matter with her? There’s a lot of work to get done, we need her in.” Thanks for caring, asswipe.
Now he is another issue altogether…I won’t get into that. But instant karma’s been getting him back lately. In the last 2 months, not long after treating me shitty in some way, he’s had his new bike stolen, his neighbor’s steel basketball post fell down and smashed the hell out of his car, and a big shelf whacked him in the head.
If those instances continue, I can’t wait to see what happens to him next.
This situation is clearly in need of more hugs.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Amazon Floozy Goddess}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
If you’re concerned about your relationship, frankly, I don’t think this is a bad thing, per se. While it’s absolutely awful for both of you (obviously even worse for him), your relationship isn’t the problem. It sounds to me like he’ll do what he needs with the intention of picking up where he left off when he can.
Best wishes to both of you.
Yeah, I’m a little late into this. I just came to say that I am in now way psychic, but my awesome dog is psychic (and a pirate…see the bird on the shoulder?) and I assure you that all will be well.
…Come on I just made an ass of myself. Did you at least giggle? A little? A smidge? 
I should probably be working right now…naaaah.
More hugs for you AFG. I’m sad that you have to go through this, but as LaurAnge pointed out, this at least can give you hope for your relationship. Please keep us updated.
GT
AFG, I just read this thread, and though I never do this… well… {{{{{{AFG}}}}}}
Your story made me teary-eyed. I, too, know what it’s like to be left confused and lonely, though for different reasons. I hope your situation works out for whatever is best for you. Take good care of yourself right now, and let your family take care of you, too. You’re not the tiniest bit selfish for needing help. We all need it sometimes, especially when things get out of control.
Deep breaths. Do things you enjoy. Chin up. You’re beautiful. You got that? You will, honey.
And as you can see, we’re all here for you. One more for the road: {{{{{{AFG}}}}}}
I just read all this for the first time (because it was so long), and I just want to say to AFG: good luck to you and your husband. I think he will get better and you will both get back together and be happy like you were. But it sounds really, REALLY hard to deal with in the meantime. Just hang in there. It will be OK.
Doing my best to tough it out. It’s like I’m falling from a plane, but I’ve got a parachute, and a real big part of that parachute is made of Dopers.
I guess the fact that he still loves me - he said it and showed it with lots of hugs and kisses last night - is a glimmer of hope?
A Parachute Made of Dopers.
I like it. 
If that was meant as a question, then the answer is definitely yes. I would say there is far more than a glimmer. You may have to wait, but you two will be together again.
I have a follow-up question…
He has decided to deal with this alone, rather than together. Do you think that that is because he finds it easier to deal with alone, or because he wants to insulate you from the crap that he is wading through?
The reason I ask is because my wife and I have dealt with some very difficult problems that were unrelated to our marriage. We’ve dealt with some of them separately, like you two are doing now, and we’ve dealt with some of them together. Looking back now, the experience of helping each other fight our demons has given so much to our relationship. Perhaps now is not the time, but if you can find a way to fight these battles together, you will come out the other end far stronger.
I’m sorry to hear of your troubles, AFG. Hopefully him getting help and better meds will make a positive difference. If he truly is feeling mentally unstable enough to want to be isolated from you, then he probably is doing it because he doesn’t want to hurt you (though it hurts you anyway, as if that whole situation makes any sense… but it does in his head…)
You can hang in there. We’re all pullin’ for you.
I bolded the latter guess because I think you are bang on with that one.
We had a couple recent arguments over something tiny that ended up getting accellerated into a huge deal by him. He called me some names during those arguments that he really regretted afterwards.
I think he might be trying to avoid upsetting me because it might make him feel worse about himself.
I didn’t even think about it until you brought it up, and then it clicked. I’m sure that’s one of the main reasons for taking off.
I think I know what you mean…last night he kept saying, “I want you to know I’m not doing this to hurt you…I’m doing this because I love you.” and I had no idea what to make of that…I wasn’t even sure that he knew what he was saying. But you put it into perspective - thanks. His behaviour is starting to make more sense now.
AFG, your post brought tears to my eyes. You’re one of my favourite posters, and have always impressed me with your big spirit. Hang in there.
It seems you’re trying to take people’s troubles onto yourself and try to heal them, and it’s no wonder you’re stressed and tired. Time to let H’s problems sort themselves out and leave your husband to work out his own stuff… concentrate on **you ** for a while. You deserve it, and you need it.
And don’t ever let your self-esteem pull you down. It sounds a bit like you think you were lucky in scoring Mr AFG, but really I hope you realize that it wasn’t luck. You *deserve * to be happy and loved by a man you adore. It’s your right, as a damn fine person. Don’t ever feel you have to accept - or believe you deserve - less in a mate than what you yourself bring to the relationship.
Best of luck, AFG.
AFG, the “he’s trying to protect you from his uncontrollable actions” theory feels right to me, too, whatever that’s worth. Which, really, is a good thing. Sure, it’d be better if he could stop saying hurtful things when you bicker while still being around you, but if he can’t. and if he has the self-realization to know he can’t, and it’s him, not you (no, really!), then I’m glad he’s taken steps to protect you from that hurt. Even though that hurts.
The important thing for him is to get the help he needs (med change, behavioral therapy, anger management, counseling) so that he’s moving towards being able to be with you and be civil again, not using this as an excuse to slack and degenerate further. You might want to be a little over-generous with the praise for the next few weeks. Whenever you catch him being nice and loving and acting in a positive way, stop what you’re doing and give him some good attention and love right back. He needs to know that he can overcome this and that you understand and respect even the tiny changes he makes - 'cause I’m sure the big picture is just overwhelming to him! He will have days when he thinks there’s no way he can overcome this. You’re hardest task will be to minimize those days whle still holding true to his process, and amplifying the good days to get through all the noise.
While, of course, taking care of yourself! (This is one of those moments about which They say “marriage is hard work!”)
I think things will turn out OK. Sounds like hubby has the greater good and your mental health in mind as well as his own. I hope he’s sincere and follows through with his treatment ASAP. Be there for him. You guys will come out the other side in better shape than ever.
Best wishes.
Bump. Hey AFG, how are things going? You hangin’ in there?
::::::bump:::::
Any updates on the homefront?
How are the rats doing?
