Well, I’m in my 50s, so maybe I’m behind the times (and I’m haven’t dated in over 25 years), but I never expected sex with someone I was dating. Hell, once a girl wanted to have sex on the first date and I told her to slow it down. There is no rush.
If dating is only about sex, you might as well just buy a hooker. I always wanted more than that in a relationship. Once the time was right, yes. But rushing would only screw things up.
This is alien to my own experience. Possibly it’s because I’m now among the older posters (or more likely, my own cluelessness). But I never had sex before a third date, and pretty often not until well after that, if ever.
What does this mean? Someone will have sex with you even if they don’t love you, because you’re a friend (and not “friend with behefits”)? Truly an alien concept. It seems like the “pity fuck” I’ve heard of – in my own experience, simply folklore. God know I was pitiful, but it didn’t do me any good.
That link took me to a story about a store closing…
Camelot
But why is this? I just don’t really get the rush. I like sex, but I have learned to avoid drama. Wanna know what I am getting into emotionally before we have naked fun time.
Sad, isn’t it?
Sorry – that must be an artifact left over from a previous post. Maybe a mod can remove it. Shouldn’t have “Life is Good” is a sex thread.
No. I only sleep with people I’m in love with, which has so far limited it to a pool of one. And I can’t fall in love with someone in three dates.
Decide whether or not a relationship has possibilities? Sure, so if you want to know whether or not it’s a maybe someday, I can tell you either way at that point. Anyone who wants a definite yes/no at that point is out of luck, though.
I don’t get this whole waiting for several months thing. For me it’s the third date or probably never. That’s not a rule I have, it’s just the way things tend to turn out. In fact, it’s not really even the number of dates, it’s the number of (non-contiguous) hours of face time together. Almost without exception, that number is seven.
I am still trying to figure out what you were referencing- if it was the “throwing some”-
I tend to love my friends, and every so often, after a long holi-day celebration, or after a night out, things happen and both people let them.
Once you know each other well enough to know that no drama will ensue, then let what may be, be.
And you’ve been friends long enough to know that neither of you would be interested long term… Oh, well. 
Yes, that’s the bit I was referring to.
No – can’t say I’ve ever experienced that. Or even heard of it before.
It’s just not worth it to wait that long (or longer). A “date” implies you are exploring the possibility of a romantic relationship with someone. And sex is an important part of that type of relationship. Of course it’s not the only thing that matters, but it’s a big thing.
Personally I never expect to have sex on a first date, but I do expect us both to know if we’re going to have sex or not. And if you are going to drag it out endlessly, date after date, that’s not only a waste of time but very frustrating. However on multiple occasions (okay, twice :D), I’ve had a female initiate sex with me on a first date, as if I was being way too old-fashioned by expecting to wait!
Of course, those relationships didn’t last long at all. With my current GF of six months, we had a very traditional first date with just a quick kiss at the end. By the second date we were getting down to it. That’s just what I expect. If she seemed like she really might be worth it, I would be willing to go for a sexless second date, but more than three dates with no action at all? Forget about it.
39 y.o. man, and ditto all of that.
IMO anyone with expectations and deadlines is someone to be dumped. And any woman who would sleep with me on the first or even the third date is a woman that’s too easy for my taste.
This
Yes, if you’re seeing the other person as a potential long-term partner. If it’s just a fling, jump into bed whenever. But if there’s something real there, best to take one’s time.
I’ve been seeing my current girlfriend for about six months. She’s wonderful and we’re wonderful together. She says she “knew” about me almost immediately, and she clearly was getting hot pants by our third date. On our fourth date, she invited me “upstairs.” I told her, yes, I’d like to sleep with you, but we’re going too fast, let’s not rush, let’s take the time to do things the right way. She kept inviting me to bed; I kept saying, yes, but not quite yet. When we finally slept together, after nine or ten dates, it was wonderful, probably more so for the waiting.
So I’m a guy, and I was the one putting the brakes on the woman. I’m 39, if that matters.
I’ve never been on a date, but my brain says never even close to 3 dates. I’m terrified of sex, and kissing, if anything 3 months minimum for the first kiss, and that’s the lower estimate, at least 6 months after the first kiss for sex. But that could change in an actual relationship (which will probably never happen so I guess I’ll have to stick with theory).
Experience has shown me (exceptions apply, YMMV, offer void in Alabama, see dealer for details) that if a woman makes you wait for more than three dates before doing anything even remotely sexual, it’s going to be drag of a relationship. Sex will only happen on your birthday, if that often, it will be terrible, and forget about any of the kinky stuff. You’ll spend more time talking about “where this relationship is going” than you will rattling the bed posts. You’ll spend countless hours reassuring her that yes, you do in fact respect her. Dinner and a movie will often be just exactly that, and you’ll be expected to pay every time.
Or maybe a few past experiences have made me just a wee bit jaded.
Wow this thread is really kind of mind blowing for me. That is the reason I stick around here though, to see the different, and very foreign, perspectives. For me sex is very much tied into emotional intimacy. I may be attracted physical to someone after five minutes (or instantly more likely), but I wouldn’t have any real desire to sleep with them. And someone who expected it after three dates? Well we’d likely not work out at all as we’d have very different views of sex.
Due to my religious and moral beliefs I’d not sleep with anyone before I was married to them. This also means I take it pretty slow as I don’t intend to go far at all. However lets pretend I’m an atheist who is okay with premarital sex for a moment. Even then it would be months at least because it would take that long to build up the emotional intimacy required for me to want to share myself with someone to that extent. For me sex is not primarily tool to build intimacy (though it does), but to enhance and deepen something that does already exist. However even in that case I’d likely not expect it.
[Chris Rock] Women know if they’re going to sleep with a man in the first five minutes. They’re shaking hands and they’re like, “I’ma fuck him… I hope he don’t say nothin’ too stupid.” [/CR]
Exactly. Dating is the test-drive.
Yep. And even before you have sex with someone, you can usually tell within a few hours of meeting them how good they’re going to be. I’ve been dead-on accurate about this at LEAST 40% of the time.
After my (rather extended) date last weekend, that thread of yours about face time popped into my head.
Chris Rock’s explanation is pretty accurate for me, actually.
I really hope that those of you guys who think a woman who would have sex with you early is “too easy” aren’t going ahead and making the play for sex with her early anyway. That kind of hypocrisy is disgusting.
I usually knew within a few minutes whether or not a girl was eventually going to have sex with me. I’ve had sex on the first date a few times.