Reminds me of when I worked at a drugstore several years ago. A young lady of about college age slunk up to the register with a box of condoms and laid it shyly on the counter. The cashier (who was a huge jerk, but also a pretty funny guy) grabbed them up and hollered, “Condoms! Oh, I see you got the economy pack! Say, what’s the price on these? Let me find out!” The girl was horrendously embarrassed, but fortunately she laughed (and so did everyone else in earshot.)
I really hope her learning process here involved reading the tip on a message board somewhere. Because… how else would you learn that?
I was in a little corner drugstore once while I was in college, and a college-aged girl came in and went to the pharmacy counter with a prescription to be filled. I was the only other customer in the store. I was an aisle over and she was soft-spoken, so I didn’t hear her say anything as she handed the 'scrip over.
The pharmacist and his wife were a cute little old couple who, it turned out, were a bit hard of hearing. After asking her to repeat the name of the medication several times, he finally shouted back to his wife:
“Do we have Orthotricyclen?”
“Ortho-what?”
“Orthotricyclen.”
“I don’t know. What is it?”
“What’s it for, dear?”
All this while, the girl was turning increasingly red. To my credit, I managed to make it out of the store before I burst out laughing.
Flash back in time to early September 1989… a group of 40 college students and recent grads, including Yours Truly, is undergoing three days of orientation and language testing in preparation for a semester in the Soviet Union, in a dinky town in upstate New York with one intersection, a gas station, a grocery store, and a pharmacy. Our accommodations: a semi-abandoned Christian overnight camp a mile down the road (the program must have gotten a cheap deal or something).
Our last day there, we had an orientation session about what you must leave behind because it will get you into trouble in Soviet Customs, and what you must acquire because it will be unavailable in-country, but a vital necessity. Emphasis was placed on condoms - our group leader (who married his Russian fiancee while we were there) kept repeating that Soviets screwed like bunny rabbits, and even if we didn’t plan on needing any condoms, we should buy several boxes, because a) our plans might change; and b) even if we didn’t need them, they would make great gifts, and to trust him that nobody would be embarrassed to receive a gift of condoms.
So after the session, we had the afternoon free…so all 40 of us marched down tohe road to the tiny one-room pharmacy and grabbed several boxes of condoms apiece off the shelf, along with every other OTC contraceptive and personal lubricant we could lay our hands on. We completely cleaned the place out.
As we waited in line at the cash register, with the little old man behind the counter obviously trying to make head or tail (no pun intended) of the situation, we looked at each other and realized how ridiculous it all was. Finally he hasked, “So, what are y’all doing in town?” Our reply: “Oh, just some orientation program.” “Oh, how nice. And where are you staying?” “Uh, at the Christian retreat center up the road.”
I wish I’d had a video camera - the expression on his face was priceless. 
I once bought a box of condoms, a box of contraceptive films, and a tube of lube at Walmart.
Turns out I should’ve been buying a pregnancy test, 'cause a few days later–SURPRISE!!!
Well, someone had to try it first, no? And knowing this woman, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if she was the one.
Well, it makes sense, though. From here
under “#2. Tomato juice will de-skunk a dog”
Your basic Summer’s Eve douche is Vinegar and Water, either by itself or with fragrance added.
She’d be a lot farther ahead just to go ahead and get a gallon of Vinegar and mix it with hose water or something, but if she likes the convenience of pre-mixed, pre-packaged, pre-scented, smells-purty stuff, then that’s her prerogative.
I know that this trainwreck didn’t need any more pushing along to suck even more, but it’s worse! Tomorrow, I have to go buy condoms
I thought that I was finally earning the respect and admiration of my fellow orkers.
When my (platonic) girlfriend and I were in high school, we went into the grocery store one night and bought the following items:
giant cucumber
whipped cream in a can
KY jelly
Then we scooped the loop in my conservative medium-sized Iowa suburb, taking turns leaning out the window at stoplights while lewdly licking the whipped cream off the cucumber in front of other drivers.
We were hoping for interesting rumors–since the prevailing one about me was that I was Amish–but nothing came of it. Even though the cashier was a boy in my class. We were terribly disappointed.
I know this isn’t as embarrassing as shopping for condoms at your work, but I think it comes close.
The SO and I were feeling amorous, but there weren’t any condoms at the house. So we decided to go to the store and buy some and also walk the dog. Since the dog doesn’t like being left alone, the SO had to stand with him outside while I went into the store to buy some.
Apparently every store likes to put their condoms next to the pharmacy. I had to stand there for a couple of minutes right next to a long line of older folk who were buying their meds. I felt like they were staring a hole through my head! I picked up the variety pack with big jumbo words “INTENSE PLEASURE” “DELAYS CLIMAX!” “RIBBED!” and hurriedly walked past them. And yes they kept staring until I was out of sight!
So as I go to the counter, there are long lines everywhere and it feels like the box was a beacon since everyone kept trying to see what I was holding as I walked by. I decided on the shortest line. Behind an older Asian couple who were buying tea (oh, I’m Asian btw, so I felt like I was commiting a crime). Behind me? A rock-punk-dressed kid buying candy. They kept staring at me as I stood there acting like it wasn’t anything to buy a variety pack of condoms in the middle of the day.
At least I got the teenage cashier to laugh as she said “have a nice day!”
Next time, the SO will get the condoms.
Again? You bought condoms and lube on the 22nd and you’re buying condoms again? Now you’re just bragging.*
*Wish I were you!
I have to buy lubricant about every three weeks. The reason is (possible TMI)
I’m paralyzed and I need it for cathaters.
I try to switch up which store I buy it from so it doesn’t look too weird, but I have a tendency to go to the closest place. I always wonder whether or not they notice, and if they have any idea why I’m buying it (and so often). No one has said anything to me yet, but I still feel kind of weird when I buy it.
What’s in lube anyway? I’ve never bothered to look at what’s in the stuff. I assume some sort of glycerine-ish type of thing, is it? Maybe it’s possible for folks like Dignan (above) to somehow just make up a big pot of it at home (just not before your grandmother comes over for tea and biscuits…).
This thread is why those new self checkout machines are God’s gift to mankind.
It depends on the kind of lube. From a quick glance at the bottle of what I have right now (purchased at an honest-to-goodness sex shop, amid the giggles of my roommate), lube contains many polysyllabic things, including glycerin. It also warns not to put it in your eyes or ears. Good to know.
No, no, guys. I bought lube on the 22nd, and condoms today. There are reasons, I’m not insane, don’t worry.
Warning:[ul][li]Use only as directed [/li] Not for squicking[/ul]
You know, if it hadn’t said right there on the package not to, I’d never have gotten the idea. I swear.
Heh, you know what’s funny about that, is that we have a little screen where we watch what everyone’s buying. It would be kind of funny to see people coming through buying condoms and lube and yeast infection cream and enemas and suppositories all at the same time. Not that I’ve seen anyone buy all of that at once, but it would be kind of funny. Because you know that with a combination of items like that, they came through the self-checkout to not get noticed.