So I am at Walgreens the other night buying a six-pack and a bottle of
Astroglide. (sexual lubricant)
I check out at the liquor dept. There is a line of people waiting behind me. Eyeing the Astroglide, the young, obviously stoned clerk says “So you’re alone tonight huh?”
I say “What?” He says “Well you only have a six-pack.” I say “I’m goin home to get laid, dipshit, what’s your fucking problem?” (I was a bit irritated by now )
So he calls security over, and I get barred from buying alchohol because i am “creating a disruption.”
Anyway I got beer from another place and had an enjoyable night.
I wish I would have said “Well yep dude, I’m just gonna go home and flog the log, wanna join me?”
BTW, the people in line just laughed and ragged the clerk.
Not much of a rant, but why do these people really give a shit?
I’m 28 years old and I still get embarassed buying that stuff (astroglide, not beer!). I always try to go to a grocery store with “U-scan” capabilities. If not I’ll buy a bunch of nachos and cat food and oh yeah, beer, and try to sneak it in under the radar. I guess if they ever ask I’ll tell them I’m looking to have a good time with my cat and he needs nachos and beer to get “in the mood”.
This brings to mind a purchasing idea that my BF and his best freind have had for a long time, but never actually done. The idea is to go into a 24 hour Walmart shortly before midnight an make the following purchases:
A lantern
A shovel
Astroglide
a box of cigarettes.
The are interested in the reaction this will provoke.
However, my personal experience is that most cashiers don’t really pay any attention to what the combination of items suggest. For example I had experience with a cahier who did not bat an eyelash when the following items were purchased
6 boxes of assorted sleeping pills
1 box or razor blades
1 box of trash Bags with cinch ties
( Before anyone asks, No, I am not suicidal and have not been for a long time. Yes, I was when I purchased the items. No, I do not want to discuss the concept of “a cry for help”.)
Some of my relatives did something similar to this at my cousin’s wedding. We were going to rather extravagantly decorate the groom’s car, and so some of us groomsmen were selected to run get supplies (alas, I was not among them; I stayed behind and helped apply the vaseline and paper chads). The scene in the Walmart that night would have been of a gaggle of tuxedoed young men purchasing a jumbo pack of condoms, several sets of women’s underwear, a couple tubes of lubricant, and soap. Unfortunately, I never found out what reaction, if any, this elicited from the clerk.
See, now thats funny. Really, it is. But if they guy was going to dish it out, he should have been able to take it and appologize when he saw you were pissed.
