Why on earth does she do this??? She just interrogated me because she went through my private stuff which she had no right to see in the first place and then she bitches at me about what she finds. I have condoms. Big freaking deal. Just because I have them doesn’t mean I’m using them, and even if I am, wouldn’t she rather I use them than not? What kind of screwy logic is that? And I have lighters and razors and broken glass. None of which have been used for any bad purposes, but she assumes. It’s not fair! Everything has a rational explanation, but she refuses to listen. Because here is the topper. She read my journal too. I even had a letter in there that I wrote to her telling her I wasn’t going to put up with her anymore. Never had the courage to give it to her. I can’t be scared of her but I am. She can make my life miserable. ARG!!!
Sorry for ranting like this people. I’m going to go cry now.
{{{{{Hypergirl}}}}
Don’t worry, it will end, one way or the other.
Until then, just know that through this board there are folks all over the world that care, and will be more than happy to give you a shoulder to cry on (in a virtual sense, at least).
again, {{{{hypergirl}}}}
{{{{hypergirl}}}}
There’s another one from me. Oooooh hypergirl, I bet you and I could have some looooong mom-bashing convos. My mother yelled at me all Christmas Eve about how disappointed she is in me, because I “make everyone’s life around me miserable.” She continually insists that I love my dad and stepmom more than her and she claims she “has accepted that I don’t love her” and that she doesn’t care what I do from now on. I’m 17 years old! I’m a pretty good kid, and the only reason she’s upset is because I’m just like my dad and because I fight with my sister all the time (which isn’t my fault but somehow it ALWAYS is…grrr…). I’m not gonna whine anymore, as this is YOUR thread hypergirl, but trust me…that’s not even the half of it. I couldn’t sympathize with you more. Need someone to talk to? Hunt me down online sometime…I bet we’d have A LOT to talk about…
moms…can’t live with 'em, wouldn’t be here without 'em :rolleyes:
Hypergirl,
She’s a mother. That’s what they do. It might not make sense to you, or to her, but she’s doing it to try to protect you. Whether or not you think you need protection, that’s her job as your mother. Everyone I know has complaints about things they have done.
My sister and I have talked about our parents quite a bit recently. While they didn’t do things exactly as we would have liked them to, we both agree that they are good parents and did the things to help teach us. We’ve both been out of the house for several years and live about 2000 miles from the parents, so we have some perspective on the situation now. Once I started paying all my own bills, I started to realize just how difficult it is to be an adult, so I can imagine how hard it is to be a parent. Just remember that she is only human and is doing the best she can. All I can suggest is that you focus on the good things, and not so much on the bad. Maybe you could talk to her in a calm manner about what she found and what you think about it. Maybe you could come to an understanding together and help set some boundries. It might make things better for you both.
((hypergirl)) Just letting you know you’re not the only one. My mother is constantly going through my stuff, same issue with the condoms, they f*cking hand them out at school! Luckily the Zippo lighter from my ex didn’t bother her much. Instead of going through my diary (I don’t have one) she sat in front of the computer staring at everything I wrote and read for a good half hour and accused me of looking at porn when I closed a window when she walked by. She also sat here until I told her all about breaking up with my boyfriend even though I told her numerous times that I didn’t want to talk about it. She thinks that crying is a horrible thing so I’m not supposed to cry or ever admit weakness to a guy, and then she wonders why I’m emotionally screwed up? I’ve been told that eventually they get over it, maybe we can live through it together? Just know that I love ya and if you ever need someone to talk to I’ll be around. Hugs and cuddles to you.
Kitty
{{{{{{{{jess}}}}}}}}}}
I’m sorry i hope everything ends up okay between you 2 somehow…i know its not worth telling you not to cry you will anyway but i am gonna tell you that we love you…i love you. i’d hate to see you hurt. i will always be there to comfort you just because your such a good friend and a good person
Anytime Anywhere i’ll always be there
-C.P.(your kind and devoted friend for ever)
ah, hypergirl, no need to fret dear. Mothers sometimes do these things. They tend to be a bit on the paranoid side of things what with everything we see in the news and on our streets. She loves you and cares about you I’m sure, and really, she doesn’t want to make your life miserable. I’m sure that if you wanted, you could probably sit down with her and talk to her, let her know what is going on in your life so that she doesn’t get all frantic and wonder so much that she resolves herself to sneaking into your privacy. Perhaps a bit of understanding is needed on both your parts, some listening as well.
Big hugs to ya kid. Don’t fret. In a few years, she won’t be doing it anymore, but definately don’t ever think for a moment that mothers stop being mothers, I still haven’t managed to convince mine that it’s just not worth it to worry and whine over what I do in my life. Mothers will be mothers… 
Hang in there!
Alas, in this day and age of every media outlet telling parents to spend time with their kis by distrusting them, their children are gien even more reason to see them in a bad light.
{{{{Hypergirl}}}}
{{{{FairyPrincessKitty}}}}
{{{{Just a girl}}}}
It is a parents perogative to be worried and to care for their chldren, but depending on how old you are, there does come a point where you need to start letting them know that it is time for you to be let go. Don’t accuse them of anything though, that just makes your parents defensive, reasoned discussion is the best way to go. Hypergirl, get one of those journals with a small lock on it, if you mother asks you for the key, ask her why she needs it. If she breaks the lock, ask her what compelled her, also ask her about how she would feel knowing that you can’t trust her with anything important, because how can one trust someone who betrays that trust. Don’t present this as an accusation, perhaps a small letter to her, It might make her see the light of day.
Ain’t that the truth? ::sigh::
–Tim
{hypergirl}
{Fairy Princess Kitty}
{Just A Girl}
:helpful handpats, hot tea all around:
Speaking as a stepmom of a sixteen-year-old girl that is currently, um, with a twenty-three year old guy, I am grateful you have them. Hopefully you will use them if neccessary. I don’t approve of my stepdaughter’s relationship, but she doesn’t live with me and I don’t have any control over her choices. I would just as soon if she is going to make those choices, that there be little permanent consequences, such as pregnancy or disease.
We ensured that our medical coverage from work covered her birth control at an appropriate time (early maturation, wheeeeeee), and she has access to condoms. I hope we gave her enough information to help do the job (ie, survive to at least twenty-something without being a teen mother with a limited set of life choices OR being on the list of the slowly dying). We worry, god we worry, but, she has insisted on making her own choices. We try to support her as best we can. However, I have NO intention whatsoever of dealing with a pregnant sixteen-year-old. I will do whatever I can to help her prevent that.
Anyways, have another cup of tea, and let me assure you that you’re fine. You and your parents will survive this, and ten years from now, you will wonder how. Especially should you have children of your own.
I did find it helpful once to remind my mom that I got to pick the nursing home . . .
Tisiphone
Yea I have the same problem, I mean sure its a gun, that doesnt mean Im in a gang ma. 
hypergirl, I can sympathize, too. Over the last 10-15 years, I’ve had a very rough relationship with my mother. She ransacked my room when I was a teen, and what she found (which I’m not going to discuss) caused her to send me to therapy I neither wanted nor needed for two years. When I was 19, I just threw my stuff in the car one day and left. It got to the point where we didn’t speak or correspond at all for three straight years. We are just very different people.
Then something happened in my life–last January, my grandmother on my father’s side died. My father, who knows what I rough relationship I’ve had with my mother (they’ve been divorced since 1984) said something very profound to me: “Don’t let the next time you see your mother be when she’s sick or dying.” He was right.
My mother can be a big pain in the ass. She does a lot of things I disapprove of and makes a lot of bad decisions. But I know that ultimately, she does them because she cares about what happens to me. I took the first steps at reconciliation this past June, and things are proceeding slowly, but they’re getting better.
I hope things get better, and I hope that eventually your mother will see you as an independent person capable of making decisions. Some do, some don’t. Just remember that, even when you’re a teen, things are never as black as they seem.
Not judging Hypergirl, but just curious, what are the good reasons for having these items?
At any rate, I sympathize. My mom used to rifle through my stuff when I lived at home, and I haven’t trusted her since. That trust thing works both ways Mom!
{{{Hypergirl}}}
If you live in their home, you live by their rules.
Just wait until you join the army. What you have now is going to seem like privacy.
Are you my dad? WTF? Did you even read the OP?
That is one of the most lame responses to teen angst I’ve ever seen. Not remotely understanding, supportive or even logical.
Sure, you have to respect the rules of your parents when you live in their house. How does that justify the violation of trust by Mommy? Mom can search through anything she wants, make snap judgements, jump to conclusions, level accusations and then resent Hypergirl for making some of her own damn choices. Is this the type of behavior Mom wants Hypergirl to adopt in her adult life? I think not. Seems like a great way to start out as an adult (much as I did): not trusting any other adults. [scathing sarcasm] That’ll really give her confidence, self-esteem and when she’s ready for a serious adult intimate relationship: she’ll be all prepared to be manipulating, backstabbing, distrustful and disrespectful. That’ll really help her forge a close intimate bond with a nice man who will treat her with respect. [/scathing sarcasm]
Furthermore, what makes you think these girls will join the army? This is not Isreal! Nobody should be assuming anybody is going to join anything. That was a “When-I-was-a-kid-I-had-to-walk-uphill-both-ways-in-freezing-rain” comment. How exactly do you expect your small-minded, knee-jerk reactionary comments to be helpful? WTF?
And to the women in this post having communication troubles with your Moms (or other parents, as in my case): I promise it gets better once you move out. Go to college and try to keep the lines of communication open. By the time you’re 25, everyone will be laughing about this. Repeat to yourself: This will get better. This will get better. This will get better.
And when you are in a place of your own and your parents come to visit, hand 'em a crack pipe and remind them that when they’re in your house, they have to live by your rules. (I make The Mormons, aka the God Squad, do all my chores at my house! They have to rake leaves and such…)
hugs to hyper
just had a rough time with my mom too…
but at the moment we get round quite well…
hope yours will calm down too … and place a bomb in your diary…
Just had an evil idea… what about writing a mommy diary and a “your diary” … your diary locked up in a stash box with only one key… and the mommy diary where your diary used to be…
mommy diary with nice fake entries… let your imagination go wilde
I am weird and random… I know I know…
hugs
dodgy
Bullshit. There is no justification for the kind of stuff her mother did.
My mother would have never read any private diary I wrote, or searched my room. In fact, she was appalled when a boyfriends mother read a letter I wrote to him and called to tell Mom that we were sleeping together. Appalled that the other mother had read a private letter, that is. She wasn’t surprised about our activities, because I had already told her. Because I trusted her! Because she didn’t go through my stuff!
I’m so sorry, Hypergirl. I wish I knew the magic words that you could tell your mother to change her, but I don’t think they exist. She’s the one who is losing in the end, because she is losing your trust and your affection with her actions.
A dad checking in. Yes, we can, and must be able to, search through anything we want. We are legally responsible for you brats until you hit eighteen and if that involves what you consider “illegal search and seizure” then so be it. And we have to assume the worst, which results in what you call “snap judgements.” We’ve been through the same crap as you, usually much worse, and have heard all the explanations and stories BECAUSE WE CAME UP WITH THEM OURSELVES TWENTY OR THIRTY YEARS AGO.
I would prefer my daughter used condoms than not. I’d prefer more that she chose abstinence. If I found condoms in her belongings I would “jump to the conclusion” she was using them, or planning to use them, in the manner for which they were designed. I would not buy a story of plans to use them as enormous water balloons, even if it were true. It would not be responsible of me to do so.
In other words, tough luck. You do not have privacy as long as you are a minor. We parents own you and can do with you as we wish, as long as we do not violate the law. You are chattel.
Ha ha! My mom doesn’t snoop much, although the worst thing she ever finds is snack bags I steal from her room that she gives us for our lunches…
She flips out when I snoop in her room…so we have a truce of sorts. But then, I’m 22.
I think I’d be more upset about my daughter having razor blades…I would be more diplomatic about it.
Also, as stupid as this sounds, I would hope that she had come to me long before, when she wanted to have sex. I WOULD help a child mine get birth control, depending on their age, and all the information they needed.
Another parent checking in (although, fortunately, mine are still small enough to pick up and carry away from dangerous objects.)
I have to agree with dropzone, mostly. You are obviously making a lot of your own decisions, but it would fall squarely on your mother’s shoulders if any of those decisions should blow up in your face, so she has a right to protect herself.
However, reading someone’s journal is vile.