Yeah, sorry, hypergirl. I tried to move this to the Pit but it just got TOO MPSIMS.
hypergirl? Yoo-hoo! hypergirl! You still with us?
Looks like she’s off with that guy she “hates” or something.
“Looks like she’s off with that guy she “hates” or something.”
Guy? Or the mother.
Frankly, I think that her mother deserves more respect than some anonymous stranger on the street she may never meet.
Yeah I’m still here. Had kind of a bad day. Didn’t really get to post much. I don’t think I have anything more to contribute at the moment, but I’m sure that she’ll piss me off again in the not to distant future.
Well, if it’s any comfort my Pit thread has gotten boring and repetitious.
So. Read any good books lately? I somehow ended up in two book clubs here and am TOTALLY behind on my reading.
Hope your mom doesn’t piss you off too much. If she wants to talk sometime, bring her in. She might benefit from talking to some of us.
Hmmm, that was an off-the-cuff remark, and you probably don’t want to bring her HERE, your refuge from her, but how about chat? Let her get to know some of the wierdos you know online; see that the net is not TOTALLY full of child molesters and cops posing as underage girls.
Probably a bad idea. My meds ran out the other night and I only just refilled them. I’m not thinking at my clearest, but my depth perception has returned. One of those tradeoffs in life–sanity or three dimensions?
Man… I thought it was sanity or five dimensions.
Well, I told you something new would come up soon. So when this whole suspension thing happened today, (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, see here) my mom got so pissed off that she thought it would be fun to throw books at my head. Luckilly, I played a lot of dodgeball when I was little, so I managed not to get hit. After that I went to my room and went to sleep, and I haven’t been down since.
Damn, I wish I’d had the opportunity to get back to this thread sooner.
{{{{{hypergirl}}}}}
Went through the suspension issue with my daughter a few weeks ago - this time the school was in the right, and when I was called to collect her from school she didn’t argue with my “I’m angry, the behaviour leading to this is unacceptable, and we’ll talk about it when we have both calmed down” pronouncement.
A couple of times in the past she has been given unfair and totally unwarranted detentions - each time I have called the school, pointed out the problem and managed to get it resolved to my satisfaction, my daughter’s satisfaction, and the school’s satisfaction.
My daughter is incredibly lucky not to have been expelled from the school after her last exploit; she most certainly should (in accordance with both the school’s and the Department of Education’s guidelines relating to the transgression involved) have been suspended for the rest of the term. I grounded her for the weekend (this happened late Friday afternoon) and she chose to remain in her bedroom for 2 days listening to music and refusing to talk to me - on the third day we talked, and I don’t believe that it would have been at all productive for either of us to attempt a rational discussion of the issues before then.
Yes, I was angry; yes I was disappointed, but I can’t conceive of being in the headspace where I would have felt justified in making my child feel her physical safety was threatened as a result of my displeasure with what she had done. The one thing that she consistently acknowledges is that she feels loved and valued and safe within our home - we simply haven’t yet learned how to reach workable compromises on issues where our views are diametrically opposed (and that includes most situations where from my viewpoint as a parent, she is putting herself in danger of harm - her life experience is simply too limited for her to be able to grasp some of the harsh realities of this world).
Strangely, what I have noticed recently, is that no matter how much she might disagree with the boundaries I am enforcing and resent my imposing them (and she expresses her displeasure in no uncertain terms), she will still honour and respect them, and she certainly isn’t doing so out of fear of punishment by me.
When threads such as “love the sinner, hate the sin” start in other forums they sometimes seem very trite and petty, and they seem like an attempt at justifying unacceptable behaviour. But if I have discovered one thing in 20 years of parenthood, it’s that it’s totally possible to love your child unconditionally without having to condone or support every single aspect of their behaviour at a given point in time. Disagreement doesn’t indicate a lack of love or respect between parent and child any more than it indicates a lack of respect on these message boards (I disagree with a lot of opinions expressed here, that doesn’t mean that I don’t respect the opinion or the poster).
What does seem to be lacking in your case though hypergirl, is an explanation which you can understand. Perhaps it’s really as simple as your mum not wanting you to relive her life (and this one is, in my experience, a major source of conflict between mums and daughters). Perhaps it’s that your mum doesn’t trust her parenting skills enough to believe that you will make “good choices” in you life or doesn’t acknowledge that what are “good” choices for you may be totally different from what she might have chosen.
From everything you and your friends have posted on this board, and given you age, my advice would be “whatever it takes, just get out of there”. This isn’t an issue which is going to be resolved quickly or easily - it may never be resolved. But allowing the situation to continue is clearly not doing either yourself or your mother any good as individuals, and someone has to break the cycle - it looks like “someone” will have to be you.
Neither this thread nor the others you have started is about something as simple as your “privacy” being invaded on a single occasion without “just cause”. There’s a whole lot of stuff going on which you have posted publicly, but I’d bet a lot of money that there’s even more going on that we are unaware of.
You’re old enough to make the break if you really want to, and it sounds like doing so is the only sane option available to you (we can all tell you your mum is wrong, but that won’t change her behaviour in general or her treatment of you one jot).
So what can we do to support you in making what we all agree are some pretty major life decisions?