A few years ago I made the acquaintance of a fine young woman, S, and we saw each other for less than a month. When I asked if she wanted to see each other she declined with prejudice because she thought I was fixated on another woman. Ever since we’ve (infrequently) kept in touch but each time it’s been intense.
Recently I have become involved with another young woman, R, and things are going well despite the fact she can be distant and uncommunicative. Well S and I have started talking again and we still have feelings for each other. I’m planning on meeting up with her after I return from vacation with R.
Now I feel like a criminal, I have no one I can talk with and straighten my head out. I hate the fact that I’m weak and can’t remain monogamous. Mostly I want to hook up with S, even if on the sly, just to get it out of our systems. I’m always worried about R since she has a history of being suicidal (pre-DO) even though she says she’s doing much better now.
So I’m venting, so I’m posting for any advice, I just hate feeling like this. Yeah, I know I’ll probably get rolleyes or WGAS responses.
Has it crossed your mind that whatever you and R need right now, it probably isn’t a romantic relationship? Do you want to steer your ship into into a major shitstorm? Because that’s where you’re headed with this.
Whether or not you stay with R, don’t hook up with S. Take some time off from the whole relationship game to straighten your own life out. Give the whole love and sex thing again when you’ve got things under control. There’s no shame in remaining voluntarily single, and it sure sounds like you could use some time away from all this to figure things out.
Just my $0.02.
Sleep with both, stay with neither.
I have ad a relationship like S and it will always be like this. “Well, who was SHE?” “There was a call that hung up. I don’t suppose you know who THAT was?”. Sheesh. Run away now.
As for R; go on the trip and take it for what it is. Just gonna have some fun and chill out. No biggie. But, if it is her nature to be uncommunicative and distant (and this is a problem area for you) it seems unlikely that it will improve over time. There is a better chance that as the relationship becomes more commonplace, this will only get to be even more pronounced.
Thanks. The whole reason why I’m taking her with me is to meet my folks. I want both.
Sometimes I wish I was Muslim.
Are you married or engaged to either of them? If not, what’s the problem?
Well I’m serious with R. Our trip is to meet my friends and family. S has re-emerged into my life. I love both, honest! R expressed her tears during the first two months of our relationship that I might do something with S and that I’m going to treat R as a placeholder until S comes around.
I love both. I want both. S wants to meet R (not in THAT way). I don’t talk about S with R. Heck, I haven’t even met up in person (awful grammar) with S in two and a half years but we’ve been corresponding a lot and sharing a lot of things.
It’s not my intent but the genie’s already out of the bottle, I don’t want to start drama here but I just needed to vent and figured it fits MPSIMS than any of the other subforums.