Condolences, for all the good they may do. Best of wishes and good luck with whatever you both decide to do next (IVF, adoption, or anything else).
I am thinking of you, and also of all those friends and family who did have (or adopt) children after long struggles. Do remember, as other posters have said, that this is NOT YOUR FAULT.
Don’t know if my tears are helping you any, but they’re falling anyway. My best wishes for you and your wife.
My heartfelt condolences, zut. I wish I had the words to express my hope of healing for you and your wife.
Lisa
I am so sorry for both of you. My prayers will be with the little ones.
Zut, I can only imagine the depth of your grief, and I dare not corrupt your suffering with ill-chosen words. My deepest condolences.
Dear zut,
I am so sorry for your loss–and so grateful for the caring and compassion of the hospital staff on your behalf.
May God be with you, your wife, and your dear children always.
Sadest thing I’ve read/heard in ages.
Just be there for eachother…
I’m so sorry.
I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. My condolences to you and your wife.
StGermain, What an awful thing for those idiots at the hospital to do to your sister ! I do think parents should see the the babies, but that is only IMO, no parent should be tricked or forced into it , ever.
I’m sorry for the hijack zut.
**Zut, ** I admire your courage and the beautiful tribute you made to your sweet babes. From experience, I know how it feels to see your dream crumble. Your post made me pause to spend a sweet moment in my heart with my own little one waiting for me in Heaven. I just hope that each time someone reads your OP, s/he takes a tiny bit of your grief from your shoulders to carry for you. For support, I suggest www.inciid.org . It was a tremendous help to me when going through infertility treatments and has fora dedicated to every aspect of the journey: death of a child, IVF support, childless by choice, adopting and more. Actually, I recommend it for all here who are struggling with conception issues.
Add me to the list of people crying at work. Trying to cry discretely while my class works is not easy. 
Go with God, Fiona and Alexander. You are loved.
mmm…
zut, my deepest condolences to you and your wife.
It must be so hard, to be touched so closely by life and death at the same time.
I pray for peace and healing for you, Mrs. zut, Fiona and Alexander.
Dear Zut and dear brave wife…you, too, are perfect. Believe, that your love and hope is felt and understood by your babies. I am so happy that you were able to hold them. Over 34 years ago, on March 18, I gave birth to a full term stillborn baby girl. I never got to touch her, or even look fully upon her face. Each year after, I would remember her on her birthday…as you will your babies. But, the greatest gift that I was given was when my mother died. I saw my baby, now a beautiful, black haired woman dressed in a white robe, greet my mother as she entered another world. I knew my daughter. Remember your babies, grieve for them, communicate your love to them. And, then, go forward, knowing that they are always with you in spirit. I pray for your healing.
Zut, I’m sorry to resurrect this thread, but my wife and I just had a very similar experience.
Last Christmas Eve, my wife received three embryos by IVF and all three grew. Everything was doing fine until two weeks ago. At our weekly visit to our perinatal specialist, my wife’s cervix was found to be dilated and a sack protruding. Having read this thread back in March, I remembered that this was a Bad Thing. My wife was immediately hospitalized and given medications to calm the contractions that were starting. She was given Magnesium Sulphate which calms uterine contractions, but also messes you all up. Our doctor placed a “cerclage” on my wife’s cervix to “tie” it shut. This had to be repeated about 5 days later to further tighten up my wife’s cervix. Subsequently, my wife developed an infection in her uterus and the doctor said that all of the babies had to be delivered ASAP since a uterine infection can kill you real fast. My wife’s pregnancy was at 21 weeks, so there’s no chance of survival for any of the triplets. Labor was induced and 8 Hours later the babies were delivered. We knew the babies were going to be a boy and two girls. Their names are David Robert, Oriana Ingrid and Jessy Jesus. We held them for a while and later their bodies were cremated.
I have no words for the horror we endured (particularly my wife), but we’re going to try again in the future. This is something we’ll never forget. Our families and friends have been very supportive, but somehow I think the pain will always be there.
Nuke, I am so sorry.
Much love to you and your wife.
I’m sorry, Nuke. Take care of yourself and your wife and be gentle with yourselves.
The pain will always be there but it won’t be as sharp forever. If we didn’t love them, it wouldn’t hurt to let them go.
Zut, I missed this thread when it was first written. I’m very sorry for your loss. I hope you and your wife are ok.
Nuke, many condolences for you and your wife, too. I wish their were some magical words that could ease your pain
zut, there are some things in life that are essentially too much for a human being to bear. I’ve always thought that losing a child, no matter how young, is one of those things.
I’m not a father, myself. I cannot begin to imagine what this does to you and your wife. Yet, your post had me holding back my tears.
I’m sorry this had to happen to the both of you, zut.
And if you don’t mind me saying so: if and when your wife decide to try again, and if it all works out, you will be the best damn father in the world. Your composure in this situation has shown us that you will.
Peace and strength, man.
My heartfelt sympathies to both of you and your wives. I, too, missed this thread when it was first posted.
zut, I also wanted to echo Cranky’s invitation to join the MI dopers when you and your wife are feeling up to it.
Jesus christ, man. I echo Coldfire is saying that a human being shouldn’t have to bear the weight of that kind of pain.
zut and Nuke, my wife and I read this together, and we’re both so very sorry. Stay strong and try not to let it destroy that beautiful thing called hope in each of you and your wives.
What everybody else said, zut.
I hope that your 2,000th post will be a milestone – that you will use it to announce a successful birth.
Compassionate Friends is a great idea – people who have lost a child, either at birth or in childhood, banding together to support each other. None of us can know how it feels (save the one or two who have lost a child), but they can – go and attend a meeting of them, and find solace and support from people who have also been there.
And I feel moved to share our story – nothing like yours, but it may be some help. My wife and I had great troubles conceiving – I’ve told the story before on why – and despite 16 years of effort, we ended up childless.
And a 16-year-old neighbor boy who liked us ended up homeless, and we took him in – and then his cousin who had left abusive parents – and then his cousin’s best friend. And all three boys became “ours” and in particular the last one became the son I’d never had. I’ve never sired a child; my wife-to-be held her daughter for an hour before she was taken for adoption, never to be seen again so far as she was concerned. IVF was not available when we married, and we’d resigned ourselves to be childless.
God had other plans. I have three sons whom I dearly love, and who love me. One of them saved my life when I had my heart attack. Their kids deem us as honorary grandparents, and bring joy to our lives whenever we get together.
I don’t know what the future holds for you, my friend, and I deeply share your sorrow at this time. But I can tell you that in His good time God will wipe away your tears and richly bless you. How, I don’t know. But He does.
And no, you weren’t “punished” for doing reduction – that’s not how He works. In this loss you have learned something precious – I don’t know what for sure, but you and your wife do – knowledge purchased at an extreme cost.
You will need time to grieve; take it. Then use that knowledge, and the feeling that it engenders, as you feel called to do.
May God hold you both in the palm of His hand, and give to you the peace that the rest of us would wish for you and have no way to give you.
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your children Zut. I cannot imagine what you and your wife are going through. Hang in there and God Bless you all.