Last Friday at 7am, I was waiting at the bus stop in my quiet residential neighborhood in the Twin Peaks area of San Francisco. As the bus was coming up, a lady (and I use the term loosely) pulled up in front of me in her car and stopped. She then leaned out the window and started yelling at the top of her lungs, “You F’king Faggot” “You make me sick”. Along with this verbal vomit, she made lewd hand gestures indicating sexual acts. This tirade lasted for about 10 seconds and then she sped away, tires squealing. I was stunned. I have not been called a faggot in almost 25 years, let alone in San Francisco. I thought about it off and on all day long, and then decided to let it go. BTW, I am gay, but that is beside the point.
Yesterday, at 7am, I was at the same bus stop when the same lady drove by again. She stopped her car and started her tirade again. But, her actions scared me this morning. I was close enough to see her face very well. She was one mad, scary person. Her face was red with anger and she was screaming at the top of her lungs at me. All she kept saying was “you gd fag!, you make me sick!”. Then, after about 10 or 15 seconds, she sped off. It’s important to note that prior to yesterday, I have never seen this woman in my life! I was shaken. It brought back terrible memories of 7th grade when I was tormented almost to the point of suicide. I can’t understand why someone would go to such measures to call someone names. I’m 40 years old now, and this shouldn’t bother me as much as it has. I dread tomorrow, she may drive by again. I honestly feel as if her actions may escalate. And I saw her yet again today, spewing the same filth.
What can I do? I know name calling is not illegal, but I feel as if I’m being tormented. Someone suggested I call the police, but I’m sure they’d laugh. Another person suggested that I bring a camera and snap a few shots of her. Their reasoning was that it would intimidate her if nothing else. And yet another person suggested that maybe I’m being stalked. Is there anything I can do? I could go on a later bus, but then she’d win….
I’m curious as to why she thinks you’re gay. Are you having sex with another man at the bus stop? If you are, you should probably stop that. Otherwise, I dunno…maybe the picture deal would work, in combo with writing down her tag number.
That sounds disturbed. I mean, like she is mentally ill. It almost seems like something you could report to the police, if it is happening every day. I would definitely take down her license plate #, at the very least. It may come in handy.
I agree with the above. See this for an impressive display of what a picture on the Internet can do.
And I’m sorry this happened to you (I sure hope the bitch left town for the weekend). It’s always shocking to see such blatant hate it what’s usually a laid-back city. One of my friends recently came out, and while I’m thrilled she’s recently moved to SF, making it (hopefully) an easy transition, it worries me when she eventually moves away or goes home, how much worse it could potentially be for her.
I normally just ignore people like that, life’s too short to waste time worrying about idiots. I totally agree with taking down her license plate # and perhaps getting a picture or two, although if she’s doing anything that makes you feel physically threatened I’d be discreet about the photo taking.
The San Francisco Police Department almost certainly has dedicated units for hate crimes and stalking. Why not call them? They may laugh, I suppose, but I think it more likely they’ll give you some good advice, and maybe some actual assistance.
Serious question: Why is she singling you out? Are you obviously and visually gay - I mean, are you easily identified, visually, based on grooming and fashion choices, as someone who is gay? I’m not trying to say that you’re “asking for it” or anything of the sort, but rather trying to figure out if she is
Someone who’s going around looking for gay people to harrass
or
Just a completely crazy person that’s latched onto you for whatever inexplicable reason
Well, if she’s done this twice, then she may well do it again. Next time, be ready, write down her car’s license plate number, and pass it on to the police. No one should have to tolerate abuse like that, regardless of what it’s about. But if she’s done it twice, and you’re not doing something obvious, like wearing a shirt saying “I’m queer,” then she probably knows you personally, even if you don’t know her, so it might pay you to try and work out the connection.
The repetition would make me nervous - sounds like screaming at you is becomming part of her routine. I recommend getting the licence plate number if this ever happens again - take a pad of paper and a pen with you. I would not recommend taking a picture because this might lead to a physical confrontation - you don’t know how crazy this woman is.
Then contact the cops, explain that this person is inexplicably stalking and harrassing you. If she is that nuts, she probably already has a record. Get the cop’s advice.
That’s the part that I can’t figure out. I’m not flamboyant, in fact, people that I’ve told this story to seem shocked that she’d even know that I’m gay. I’ve been described as “butch” more than once. I wear normal clothes.
Personally, I wouldn’t care if a stanger called me a faggot. What can I say? I do like a bit of cock. v:)v
It’s the screaming and gesticulating part that scares me. The fact that it’s happened TWICE now. I know that I’m just echoing what others have already said, but you really should take down her license plate number and report her. She’s clearly unhinged.
Laugh at her. Seriously. Act like you think her craziness is the funniest, most pathetic thing you’ve ever seen. Roll your eyes. It’d be even better if you could get a buddy to stand there with you, laughing and pointing. She wants to upset you. Don’t let her see that she’s succeeded.
Either that, or look pointedly in another direction, pretending as if she’s invisible, or beneath your notice.
I would take a picture, then whip out a cell phone and start talking in an authoritative, loud voice (dial the cops). Put in a complaint right there on the spot. Tell the police you feel threatened, you think someone is stalking you, you have a license number, and you need help. Shit, dude…I wouldn’t fuck around. I’d be scared and I don’t scare easily.
This almost fits the SF definition of a hate crime - the missing factor is a “viable threat of violence,” however, the repeated threats or pattern of intimidation might be enough to make the hate crimes unit pay attention.
