I got majorly triggered by the Depression Support Thread

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1

I visit the SDMB Depression Support thread often. I have been dealing with depression and self-esteem issue stemming from my eating disorder, and though I’m eating regularly, I still feel ashamed about how much I eat. Eating makes me feel like I’m a failure and that my eating disorder isn’t serious enough for me to deserve kindness. I feel ashamed of myself and intensely jealous of people who are more “successful” anorexics than I am.

Recently, a poster on the Depression Support Thread posted about how he or she hasn’t eating for at least five days.

Saying things like that are major triggers for people with eating disorders. To people with ED, it sounds like bragging about how much self control you have over food.

This person might as well have punched me in the face while proclaiming, “You deserve to be treated like s**t because you don’t have better self-control”.

I know that that was not the poster’s intent. And from what I gathered, the poster didn’t necessarily have an eating disorder, but severe depression and loss of appetite.

I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid to go back on that board. I want to address this issue, but I don’t want to attack the poster, who has enough problems to deal with. But even though it was not the poster’s intent, I feel like this person has attacked me, and I’m worried it might happen again.

If that poster is reading this, I’m sorry. I want to sympathize with you, but I can’t if you say things like that. I feel jealous, because I know that if I was better able to resist the temptation to eat so much, my life would be so much better. I’m not denying you have problems, but I feel so ashamed of my eating that almost any other problem in the world seems more pleasant in comparison to my lack of willpower over food.

Other posters, advice please. Should I write to this person directly? If so, what should I say to raise this issue without attacking this person? Is there any way I can get this message across in a constructive manner?

2

Nothing you ever read on this site should be taken any anything but what is it, postings by anonymous strangers on an internet message board.

While there may be professional people here - including doctors – this is not a site for eating disorders or depression per se, though these topics may be touched upon.

And I am not a doctor either but if your life is being so affected by what anonymous strangers write on a public message board you need to be seeing about this from real life medical professionals right where you are and right damn now.

We’re sorry that you’re having problems but we are not the source and we are not the cause and none of this going to change because you are so ripped up about it. It’s a sign that something is not appropriate or right for you and you should go see about this as soon as possible from people and places who deal in these issues and can assist you appropriately.

Don’t put this off and go see about yourself.

3

The issue here is not that someone in the thread discussed their loss of appetite. The issue is that hearing about someone’s loss of appetite made you feel bad. You need to address the problem of your distorted thinking and reaction, and you can’t do that by placing the blame on the other person, or addressing them directly. If you need to step away from the Depression Support Thread, you should do so, but more importantly, you should seek help for the way you’re thinking. If you’re in therapy, please bring it up with your therapist. If you’re not, you should look into it, or at the very least seek out information on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

I say this with a great deal of empathy, since I have been in recovery from an eating disorder for a long time, and know that the only way to get better is to change the destructive thought patterns.

4

This may sound simple, but if there are threads where the topic upsets or distresses me in any way, I just don’t read them. Sometimes the title alerts me to the possibility that something in that thread may upset me (because of the topic), and sometimes I don’t find out until I read a little of the thread.

I really protect myself from stuff that is going to cause me distress. I don’t watch TV news, I avoid shows/movies that focus on cruelty and violence, and I stop people who try to tell me stuff that I don’t want to know. You have that right, you know. You can walk away.

I don’t feel that it’s a sign of character or strength to go to a place, virtually or physically, that I suspect may really upset me. For example, I won’t read any threads that have to do with animal abuse. If I were a recovering alcoholic/addict, I would not read threads on that subject, either threads that talk about someone else’s recovery or that celebrate binges. Others may post/read to their heart’s content–no judgement implied. Right after my husband died, I couldn’t read anything about death, widowhood, or even hospitalization. That was 13 years ago, and now I can, if I want to.

For you, reading about depression and the stuff that goes along with it… you may just have to take care of yourself by not going there. You not only have permission to take care of yourself, you must take care of yourself. And that might mean walking away from conversations or discussions that trigger you. There’s not a thing wrong with it and it’s not a sign of weakness to decline to put yourself in those situations IRL or on line.

All you have to do is hit the close button. And then, by all means, explore this reaction, if you’re inclined, with someone IRL. Or not.

5

This is very good advice. The problem isn’t what another poster said; the problem is your reaction to it, Renifer.

6

Renifer, I’m not sure how rude and blunt we are allowed to be in ABTM but your post is one of the most “WTF?” I’ve read here in recent history. It leaves me really wanting to say “Grow the hell up” or “why the hell is someone posting about their own problems upsetting you so much” but instead I’ll be more polite and strongly urge you to get mental help, and also urge you to stop reading this message board if it’s upsetting you so much. Someone losing their appetite and not eating for FIVE days is a SERIOUS problem, and the fact that in some twisted way you are jealous of this person is deeply, egregiously disturbing.

7

Well, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that the person knows by now. I mean, I haven’t been in that thread, but unless there’s a handful of people who have all been unable to eat for 5 days, each one wondering if it was them…?

Look, I can empathize to a certain extent. I was anorexic for many years, luckily prior to the advent of the Internet. But you don’t get to tell people what not to post in a depression support thread. You just don’t. You’re responsible for taking care of yourself and that means identifying, avoiding, and dealing with triggers. That poster needs support, too, not to have to censor themselves.

Do you visit other support sites where maybe there are protocols in place for things that might be triggering? This being a general interest board, I think the only ask is that we label NSFW links.

8

OP, to effectively address your issue, every poster on this board would have to receive extensive training in all possible “triggers” for every conceivable type of mental problem, illness, or condition, AND very carefully avoid the use of any such trigger in any topic on the board.

Quite simply, that isn’t going to happen.

The alternative is for you to accept responsibility for your own reaction to what you read, and deal with it appropriately, whether that be by avoiding those types of threads in the future, or seeking medical treatment and/or counseling.

9

I feel it was pretty insensitive of you to create such an emotional trigger in your OP.

10

Less rude and blunt than that, ideally.

I don’t think mockery is the right approach here. But there’s some good advice for Renifer in the first couple of posts: the OP of the other thread didn’t do anything wrong and doesn’t deserve criticism. The best thing to do is to be mindful of your own health and try to avoid subjects that are likely to upset you while working on your own mental health in the meantime. This is a community and we hope it’s a site that people will feel better, not worse, after visiting.

11

Though I probably fail more often than not, I do try to be sensitive to people’s feelings and I have known people with eating disorders so I’m not completely oblivious to what you’re saying. However the fact of the matter is that the thread you’re talking about is primarily for depression support and as such means that people have to be free to talk about the effects the illness is having on them - even if that means creating emotional discomfort for others. If you’ve followed the thread for any length of time, you know that some of the posts have been hard to read for other members there because it has taken them back to very dark times in their lives. But sharing the burden is part of what “support” means.

12

I think this post is a perfect example as to how serious ED must be. Not only did the poster not INTEND to cause the OP discomfort - it would almost certainly never even occur to someone without ED that this could be meant as a slight or an insult.

It’s akin to thinking “someone is picking on me being infertile” if someone mentions having kids.

I remember seeing TW on one of the forums for ED and being somewhat amused by how common they were.

I don’t think that stuff will work here, for obvious reasons.

I think it is obvious the OP has serious issues that need serious treatment and not everyone ganging up on her. I wish the OP the best of luck, but unless she can see the flawed thinking - she is going to have problems on virtually every forum on the web that doesn’t routinely use TW. And even then I don’t see how you can avoid this stuff.

13

First, that was me. Second, it was three days; not five.

You say that you know that my intentions were not harmful. I’m sorry you took it that way, but the issue isn’t mine. Others, particularly SpoilerVirgin, have already illustrated this, so there’s no need for me to say it again.

Please bring this incident up to your therapist. I wish you the best in your recovery.

14

You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Johnny L. A., because you are right that you didn’t do anything wrong.

You’re right that anyone should be allowed to post about what’s bothering them. I wasn’t necessarily asking for the OP or anyone to censor the thread. I just didn’t know what to do; all I could think was that I had to do something.

I realized about several hours later that posting this was a mistake.

But you’re entirely right that this is not your problem; it’s mine.

Thank you very much everyone for being much kinder in your posts than you were probably thinking.

I seem to be making a lot of mistakes lately. I’m very sorry and I’ll try not to overreact the next time something like this happens.

15

Eh. A mistake on a message board carries about as much significance as a fart in a hurricane. Rumor has it that even I sometimes display…less than perfect judgment…about things I post.

:cool:

16

Renifer: Thank you for your gracious understanding.

17

Say it isn’t so!

I’ve never made an impolite or impolitic or insensitive comment, ever.

Excuse me, my pants are on fire and I must put them out before I burn the neighborhood down.

18

This. It wasn’t a mistake. This is a discussion board, after all.

Your instinct that you had to “do something” wasn’t off base. You wanted to take care of yourself, to do something for yourself. It’s just that saying something to the OP probably wasn’t the most effective way of thing care of yourself. So now you know that.

For myself, I get pissed off and get my feelings hurt and hold grudges all the time. It’s not pretty. At my age I should know better, but I guess I don’t. :stuck_out_tongue:

Do explore this and DON’T DON’T DON’T beat up on yourself. It’s a process. Best wishes.

19

Keep in mind that depression and compulsive eating are not your fault even thought they are your problem. There are things that help. Topamax is a medication that took my appetite away. It helped me to keep the weight that I had lost through a gastric by-pass. I am now gaining weight again because I took myself off of Topamax when I discovered I had lung cancer and had lost my appetite naturally. Now I’m hoping to return to its use.

So much of compulsion is caused by the chemicals in your system. That’s why you need to see an MD in the field that deals with that. My help came from a psychiatrist who gave me the Topamax.

Stop being so hard on yourself too.

Just Do It! (with professional help)

Ease up, friend.

20

Keep in mind that depression and compulsive eating are not your fault. There are things that help. Topamax is a medication that took my appetite away. It helped me to keep the weight that I had lost through a gastric by-pass. I am now gaining weight again because I took myself off of Topamax when I discovered I had lung cancer and had lost my appetite naturally. Now I’m hoping to return to its use.

So much of compulsion is caused by the chemicals in your system. That’s why you need to see an MD in the field that deals with that. My help came from a psychiatrist who gave me the Topamax.

Stop being so hard on yourself too.

Just Do It! (with professional help)

Ease up, friend.