I don’t post much, but I read here all of the time. So I feel like I know you guys. And some of you I like a lot!
I married my partner of 19 years (–will be in April). He’s from Florida. Florida is one of the three US states that allows a notary public to solemnize a wedding. So my partner arranged for his high school friend to marry us. It was going be just my partner, me, and our notary friend at a lunch, but somehow a few more friends and family got invited.
I don’t want to presume that you remember my thread on being outed to my mom. But if you do remember, then you may wonder if she attended. No, my mother did not attend my wedding ----we’re good though. Surprising enough, my mother-in-law did attend. It’s so amazing and confusing how people can change.
So first, I did invite my mother at the behest of my partner and of my two sisters. I said to mom that she was welcome to attend and that my partner and I would not be offended if she did not attend, (My mother is a name-it-claim-it-Kenneth-Copeland christian).
She said, “You know I don’t support that. But I love you. . .” And yes, I knew that my mother would not come before I asked her. But I recognize that my sisters and partner were right in saying that I should invite her.
But really the event was grand! And my mother and I have a fine relationship. I think that a good portion of the things that she earnestly believes are nutty and recognize that she thinks that my views are nutty. Adults will focus on their similarities, not their differences.
My mother-in-law surprised me. Really? Attending?!? --she told me she was honored to attend! How neat is that?!?----Neither my partner nor his mother told his dad. Life is so strangely wonderful.
Life, at its best, when you’re doing it right, is always a big beautiful mess, it seems to me!
I do remember your thread! I’m so glad you had such a wonderful event with those who cherish you! And wildly impressed with your Mom, even if she couldn’t find it in herself to attend. That you can be open with each other, still share love is all that’s most important really!
Squee! I am overjoyed for you both. Sending my most joyous congratulations! Enjoy your own great big beautiful messy life together!
It’s so different, isn’t it? Being together v. being married? We didn’t think it would be a big deal after almost 23 years together, but when we finally got married (two years ago in IL) it was magical.
I have some relatives whose marriages I didn’t approve of (for different reasons-- Mostly because the person they were marrying was a total insert-impolite-but-accurate-word-here). But just because I thought the marriage was a bad idea, doesn’t mean I wouldn’t attend. I can’t really understand your mom’s point of view, here.
But anyway, even though I don’t know you, I can still congratulate you!
No one in my family would attend ours, as my very Catholic brother so eloquently put it “that would be like saying fuck you to god”. He’s not very bright so I expected no better.
Thank you all so much for the well wishes! Elbows and Nava gave perfect examples of why dopers are amazing. You remembered?!? That you remembered my outing issue is a testament to your amazing minds.
DeepLiquid, it IS different and yet the same. After 19 years, my personal commitment to my best friend hasn’t changed. Putting it on official paper does feel like we’ve not only made legal steps to protect each other, but also shed any sort of need to “protect” the general public from being exposed to us gays. Our marriage is public and will be published in the paper with the rest of the legal notices. It’s nice to recognize to ourselves as much as anyone else that if you (generic you) have a problem with our relationship, it’s your problem not ours.
We won’t be falling over each other with public displays of affection*. That’s not us. But anyone with two active brain cells would have already known that two late-forties men walking around together, sharing private observations over the produce aisle probably are more than friends.
*I don’t have any problem with others showing PDAs but can understand why some would say “get a room”.
I just read through the two threads to catch up on the background. Wow. You’ve been through quite a bit there, and seem to have handled it all with class. Very impressive!
Congrats on the piece of paper!
