A few years ago, I got a call from a telemarketer who claimed to be calling from Verizon. When I truthfully replied “We don’t have that” (Comcast was our phone provider at the time), the guy indignantly said “SIR, have a nice day!”, and hung up. Guess he couldn’t offer an adjustment on my “Verizon telephone bill” after all…
My mother got one of those “Windows technical assistance” offers to help speed up her computer. When she said she owned no such device, the response came: “What do you mean you don’t have a computer?”. Mom’s honest reply: “Sir, I believe they are the work of the devil!”. The caller laughed and said, “I guess I can’t really blame you” before terminating the call. Mom figured she didn’t need to mention that she was sitting only a few feet from the computer my DAD uses daily!
It can be fun to struggle with one of those helpful tech support scam calls and see how long it takes them to figure out that you are not using Windows.
Telemarketers these days are wimps. They hang up as soon as you ask any inconvenient questions.
I did once spent a half hour with someone trying to sell time shares who just wouldn’t give up. This was several years ago, and a couple of months ago I got a check from a legal settlement. So I was well paid for my time.
I had some slight amusement from the Indians who kept ringing up and claiming to be from the “Windows technical department” or from Intel. For the latter, I would ask them why a chip maker would waste time calling up PC users and wait just long enough for them to stammer some nonsense. As for the Windows brigade, I would gently - or not so gently - point out that Windows is a consumer product and maybe they mean the Microsoft Windows support department, which has NEVER been known to ring people up, and is hard to access even if you have a platinum support contract (if there is such a thing).
I suppose one way to deal with the latter is to throw Unix jargon at them and tell them that the daemon is down, or something of the sort.
If you buy two adult coffins you get a children’s coffin free!
from Valeska Gerts contribution to Aller Lüste Anfang. Das 7. Buch der Werbung. Stierstadt im Taunus, 1971
Translated by me, just now.
I worked for Bell Labs after divestiture, and I got that deal also. But I heard that the reason they did it was that AT&T employees were switching to MCI, and it was getting embarrassing.
I’ve had this happen once or twice. But with that, I can always use a similar tactic to. . .
I am a government contractor. If I don’t recognize the number, I will answer the call, wait a second or two until I hear a “click” or the background of a call center, and then open the dialog with, “Unclassified line, call recorded for security.” Sometimes they hang up, sometimes they don’t hear it, but once I had a woman actually answer me back, “But I don’t waaaaaannnnnt to be recorded. . .” to which I immediately demanded her name, company, phone number, company’s address, and my ‘formal notification that this number be included on your Do Not Call list.’ I got everything out in my best “GySgt Hartman cadence.” She/they hung up and never called back.
My number was recycled from ‘the pool’ of them, so I suspect she, and all of the others are looking for a convicted felon named “Jerome.” Apparently, Jerome owes some money, and is going to be served with some paperwork. One company continues to call me–never trying to confirm my identity–but demanding to know my location, and indicating that my Supervisor must be present and that I have two forms of ID. Well, I tell them that I’m in Tech Area 16, but they’ll need to get Department of Energy clearances to access my area.
Despite clearing up any confusion, I think my number is ‘sold’ or shared with other organizations and people, because a lot of calls are coming in looking for “Jerome.”
There was one call I got a couple of weeks back from “IHG Hotels Getaway,” though, that had my first name correct, but waaaaaaaaay mispronounced my last name; I’d never heard this pronunciation so my red flags were immediately up.
I told them I was Jerome.
Come to find out it was some scam being run by a timeshare company that uses IHG hotels to front their crap.
Tripler
Not Jerome. Maybe. Sometimes (when convenient).
Why, thank you to all. When we got obscene calls at the office I used to work at, I’d put the person on speaker. And act totally stupid.
Him: Blah, blah, blah, blah
Me; What’s “fuck”?
Him: You know, blah, blah, blah, blah
Me: What’s “dick”
Him: You don’t know?
Me; Never heard it before. Never seen one
I used to have my co-workers dying with contained laughter.
my robo voice: “this call may be monitored or recorded for quality assurance purposes”
TM: <spiel>
Me (strained breath): what are you wearing?
TM: are we being recorded?
Me: just for quality assurance purposes – what color is your underwear?
It’s rare that I even answer the phone anymore, since most of the calls are just recorded messages and there’s no one to talk to. But when I do answer and get a person, I like to waste as much of their time as possible. The way I see it, telemarketing will only stop when it becomes unprofitable, and the more time they spend on the phone with me, the less time they spend potentially making money. So it’s a public service. You’re welcome.
My main strategy is to just let them talk. When they reach a point that they ask you a question, I distractedly say, “I’m sorry, what?” Sometimes they’ll actually repeat the whole three-minute script. See if you can get them to do it more than once.
Well, technically the “put the phone down on the counter” tactic isn’t a waste… if you can get your tasks done without thinking obsessively about how bored and/or frustrated the caller is getting…
I told a telemarketer “OMG, that’s the exact kind of insurance the wife was saying we need! I’m going to get her on the line! [calling up the stairs: Oh, Honeyyyyy…] Oops, she’s just getting out of the shower, can you hold on just a minute?”
The three minutes the phone laid there were the longest of my life.
(Though my friend has me beat for chutzpah. He told a salesman “I’m sold! Just give me a minute to finish up here…” put his phone in front of the TV and turned up his porn full volume.)
I have this great thing on my 10-year old flip phone where if I select a # to be rejected, it goes directly to voice mail without me hearing a ring… Most calls are robo, silence, or people who want money, which I’m not going to give them… If they interrupt me while I’m doing something, I might get mad, but I usually don’t pick up, but I used to play games with them. Sometimes, saying, “Wait a second, my favorite song is coming on, let’s listen together”… If I ever get a woman, I’ll ask if she wants to go on a date.