To start with the positive first , at least you are going out. Most people simply give up and stay strictly with the internet and make pals with people in far off places that they will never meet, or go with those useless dating sites that give women free passes but make the guys pay.
The negative is that you have simply given up before the fight, you might go into a club perky but that only lasts for so long before your mental time limit for something to happen expires and you fall back on old habits and your profersey becomes self fufilling.
I have to admit though that your first sentence that I bolded surprised me. Either at a club or a bar , you are going there with the intention of being noticed , not stealthed. Until you change your mindset there is a limited amount of things that can be done and even then you may simply class it as a fluke…
So tell me what are you going to clubs for and what are your expectations, is it to score and get laid , meet new and interesting people, inject some life into a boring mundane world ?
I already knew that ;), that’s just not how it works out, partly due to my natural predisposition to remain unknown. (can’t get into any trouble that way) The other part is that I’m not good at drawing attention to myself…what am I going to do, start jumping around on tables? I can introduce myself to someone, but that usually goes nowhere.
“Hi, I’m Yag” “Hi Yag” <stare at each other for a second> <go back to doing whatever it was we were doing before>
Or it could be just the wrong venue. I have a very soft voice, so any place with a dull roar going on is too loud for anyone to hear me. Sometimes people can’t even hear me when there’s no outside noise.
Pretty much this…I start to get sick of sitting around with nothing to do but stare at the computer screen sometimes, so I go somewhere…only to have nothing to do there but stare at the wall. Then I remember that I was staring at the computer screen for a reason…because I had nothing better to do. Now I’m starting to figure that I may as well go down that path (staying at home) and shut out everyone, since that seems to be where I’ll end up anyway, and there’s no sense doing something half-way.
I don’t mean to double post, but I thought I should make sure I was clear…
Most of the time I can be heard fine with minimal ambient noise, but occasionally I’ll forget and let my voice get really really quiet, or run into someone who has hearing trouble.
Thats negative attention ,likely to gain you a swift exit being escorted by some beefy guys. Obviously a happy medium is needed here. Do you dance ,even on the floor by yourself, near the floor just bopping around , hang around the pool tables or what ever they might have.
But time for a more serious question , looking back on the time you spent in clubs and bars etc. Has there been a time of the year when you seem to do better than other times.
For me pre christmas and spring always seem to be a more bouncy time than either the dog days of summer or the winter doldrums. And while tables are not good things for jumping on , dancing on speakers is laudable.
Thats actually not bad , if you are doing that to every girl in the bar. Face it , your gonna have strike outs but with the shotgun approach , if nothing else , every girl will know your name.
At the point of her saying hi yag , you now exist where before you were simply a face in the crowd , you have personalized yourself, if all she is doing is saying hi yag , and not hi yag my name is future msyag, then you want to be saying something nice and classy about her and extract yourself from the conversation.
Something that I have had success with, is at the point of her saying hi yag, is simply telling her that you are making a habit of saying hi to girls that catch your attention, and hope that she has a nice evening and part.
If she does turn out to be the future msyag, then she will help you along with the conversation enough to relax you and then your in a whole new ball park for figurin things out.
Bars and clubs are designed with sound in mind , there should be enough null areas in the place for you to have an effective medium to converse , the trick is to find those areas and chat there.
But as well there are bars that have been designed as something else , or the owners never bothered or the club is simply not a speaking club, body language rules.
Look into taking vocal lessons to project your voice , too soft comes across wrong
Wont work for long , you will get cabin fever and then go out and try again.
Nothing is simple and what works for others may not work for you , its a personality thing that does not translate well for others. Some guys can get away with stupid one liners while others look like idiots pulling the same line.
We seem to have hijacked this thread quite effectively…Sorry Sunspace.
No, I don’t dance.
Nope. Always nothing.
So, now, where did girls come into this?
While I may enjoy there being a msyag, I’m not perfect yet, so it’s not my focus (and never will be, since I’ll never be perfect). More seriously though, I have other problems that preclude that from ever being a realistic option…specifically trust and guard issues. I don’t trust anyone beyond what I absolutely have to in order to funtion, and I can’t ever let my guard down. Letting my guard down would either get me committed to a mental ward, or people would think I’m lieing. I’d have to trust someone else and let my guard down for any decent relationship, so…can’t happen.
I agree it comes across wrong, and, though I haven’t tried vocal lessons, this has been a constant…issue. Not that you were suggesting something so simple, but project yourself doesn’t help at all, when I have no idea how, or if I’m even capable of it.
I might give vocal lessons a try when I have some time to research places nearby.
I’ve made it for about, oh, 6 months or so…hell, maybe it’s been a year by now. Then again, I’m starting to get the urge, or I wouldn’t have posted to this thread in the first place.
Sorry to interrupt, but I felt another forum currently has a related and productive topic. Yag, the intuitive AHunter3 has started a thread in which he has built a terrific model of human identity. Why don’t you come up and join the discussion?
