Yes, you’re all right, I jumped too far in my OP. I don’t claim to be smarter than anybody else or have more wisdom or life experience; obviously, there’s a lot of time ahead of me. I also recognize that my “long time” is a lot different from other’s “long time” and I didn’t mean to imply otherwise. My point is that dating success, at least temporary success meaning a good relationship, does just happen sometimes. I’m not talking about finding the love of your life, I’m talking about getting a long succession of good dates with one person who you like and who likes you too. I hope this is a lot clearer; I know I’ve gone back and forth in this thread and been pretty fuzzy, but this is what I mean.
I don’t mind eating the same dish I serve. I’ve been known to be pretty sarcastic myself.
Misnomer, thanks for the insight and the little compliment in there. Again, I hope I’m expressing myself a lot more clearly that I’m talking about short-term dating success–which appears to be the immediate aim of the OP–rather than a life-long love.
I can clear that right up. Short-term dating success is the immediate aim of the OP only to the extent that it leads to life-long love, or at least a reasonable fascimile thereof. I’m 30, and (as I mentioned) every single one of my group of friends is in a long-term, committed relationship but me. I’ve been single for about a year and a half now – with a few blips and bleeps here and there – and while there’ve been a number of people who’ve been interested in me, and a number who I’ve been interested in, the twain is taking its damn sweet time in meeting. Not so much for me with the reciprocity. Neither am I big on the single life…random hook-ups are one thing, but I’d like to think that at some point I’ll find someone I really click with. I’ve got a hell of a lot going for me; I’d like to think I’m a decent catch. But the people I like just plain don’t seem to like me. Don’t know what, if anything, I can do about that. Actually, that’s not true: I can keep on plugging away, or I can start giving up hope. I’m not ready for the latter, and the former is generally – as I indicated in the OP – no fuckin’ fun at all. Yet it is what it is.
(Sometimes it’s nice to think that there’s one discrete and glaring flaw – in my appearance, my personality, my social skills – that’s keeping these things from being mutual. It’s nice to think that because it leaves open the possibility of my discovering that flaw and correcting it. The alternative is that, generally and on a consistent basis, the sum of my parts just doesn’t add up to a good enough whole for the women I’m interested in. Which would be sad if true.)
You’re welcome! I almost posted along these lines earlier, but when you and jsgoddess came to an understanding I didn’t want to belabour the point. But then I saw Gadarene’s and QuickSilver’s comments and your reply, and I just couldn’t resist.
I was sincere about usually not noticing your age, btw: this is the first time I’ve seen you write something and thought, “wow, only a teenager could write that.” I blame the fact that you’re in love … love can turn even an old maid like me into a hopeless romantic.
Yep: there is a world of difference beween “it will happen” and “it can happen.”
I like to blame my weight … which only works until I see someone even fatter than me with a boyfriend. Then I console myself with the thought that he’s probably bad in bed.
I actually had my first real date a few months ago, at 22. Before this it was just a few high-school type girlfriends. Feel free to hate me for this but I was the one who just didn’t feel the click. I had a good time on the date and it felt like the girl liked me, but at the end of the night I couldn’t see us becoming more than friends.
Whats more, I took the cowards way out and didn’t call her for a while. I can’t think of a nice way of saying “sorry, not interested” (besides basic honesty, but I’m hardly capable of that).
Nah, I don’t hate you for that, it happens. One date I went on the girl looked uncannily like Jeffrey Jones. What’s worse, they even played the ‘Ferris Beuller’ music in the restaurant at one point. Talk about awkward… :eek:
I used to be big on calling within a three days and giving the “I had fun but I’m not interested” speech, but then I realized she’ll hate you, put a hex on you and bitch you out to all her friends regardless. Hell hath no fury, & etc. Maybe it increases my bad karma but I usually won’t call at all unless she’s persistent. Going out of your way to be kind and considerate just gets you kicked in the teeth, and I’ve yet to meet the woman who sincerely thanked me for my honesty and consideration in not wanting her to get her hopes up.
Why do you have to call (or not call)? Can’t you just say at the end of the date “well, this was fun, but I don’t see this going anywhere”? Frankly, she’s probably thinking the same thing, and this way you can just cut the crap a couple of days earlier.
twicks, who’s on hiatus from dating because her tolerance for crap is at damn close to zero these days
Chris Sarandon?
You have to keep plugging, and learning from your experiences. I met and married Mrs. R after a long dry spell, and the only reason I did was that 1. I stepped completely out of character (got out of my usual rut and did something different) 2. Recognized what a catch she was (which only experience can tell you), and 3. Chased off the competition (with an aggressiveness that surprised me).
Okay, I confess to being a kissing slut who is easily stunned, so when she grabs me in the parking lot I’m not thinking, “Hey, I should give her this bad news right away.” I’m thinking, “Hey cool, there’s a tongue in my mouth and it isn’t mine.” If we drank at dinner it can only go downhill from there.
If the date was so awful that I spent it contemplating what velocity I’d need to achieve with a chopstick entering my eye in order to kill myself painlessly, I’ll do it right away. Reactions have been mixed but not so great that I’d make a point of doing it. This is one area where bravery just doesn’t pay, in my experience.
FWIW, before my current relationship I hadn’t had a relationship for 14 months and hadn’t so much as held a hand for 8. Just trying to provide an insight on what my “long time” was–it felt longer, too, because there was a lot of turbulence and a lot of changes in my life at the same time.
Comparing like with like, though the last year of my teens is two and a half decades departed, at that age I could see your “14 months” and raise you another eighteen years, fetus.
All vaguely reminiscent of a rather pretty girl called Vanessa coming the hard-done-by with me on account of not getting much attention till she was 17-18 and started getting bumps in the right places… :rolleyes:
Honest question: Is 17 supposed to be a shockingly late age for a first kiss? I’ve never really thought about it, but it’s not a figure that makes me say, “gosh, really?” Unlike, say, being a 40-year-old virgin like Steve Carell.
I was only stood up once, when I was single, but it was a doozy…it was via the box office phone in front of the theatre where I was supposed to meet her. Having the ticket seller hand you the phone through the little hole so you can be stood up is unsettling to say the least.
Well, there’s his problem. Having a wife and kids is definitely a hindrance in the dating world.
As for the idea of love “just happening”, I believe there is something to that. Not in the sense that you’ll just be moping at home, and the girl or guy of your dreams will show up at your door. But it can be helpful to stop focusing on dating, and then just go out and do stuff. Even if you have to go alone, just get out and do what makes you happy. You do start meeting people.
I don’t think it’s shockingly late, but I’d say it’s later than most.
(I’m not talking about french kissing, or full-on making out – I just mean a kiss on the lips from a member of the sex you’re attracted to who isn’t a relative. And that might, you know, mean something.)
Mine was at age 13: At school we always chased the boys with mistletoe at Christmas time, and of course if we caught them they had to endure a kiss (usually on the cheek, but the older we got the closer to their mouths we got). But that year, when I chased after Martin and he let me catch him – twice – I knew something different was going on!
I refer you to the bottom half of post #39 in this thread.
Short-term dating success is the immediate aim of the OP only to the extent that it leads to life-long love, or at least a reasonable fascimile thereof. I’m 30, and (as I mentioned) every single one of my group of friends is in a long-term, committed relationship but me. I’ve been single for about a year and a half now – with a few blips and bleeps here and there – and while there’ve been a number of people who’ve been interested in me, and a number who I’ve been interested in, the twain is taking its damn sweet time in meeting. Not so much for me with the reciprocity. Neither am I big on the single life…random hook-ups are one thing, but I’d like to think that at some point I’ll find someone I really click with. I’ve got a hell of a lot going for me; I’d like to think I’m a decent catch. But the people I like just plain don’t seem to like me. Don’t know what, if anything, I can do about that. Actually, that’s not true: I can keep on plugging away, or I can start giving up hope. I’m not ready for the latter, and the former is generally – as I indicated in the OP – no fuckin’ fun at all. Yet it is what it is.
