I can. Gallows fodder, what the host said to you was a "neg hit". It is a commonly used pick-up technique for guys to use on girls they are attracted to, but think are out of their league. So take it as a compliment. From an asshole, okay, but still a compliment.
CatherineZeta, your social life actually sounds like fun. I wished I was buddies with my co-workers.
I just realized I might be that guy who dies in his apartment and isn’t found for like 6 months.
I really gotta unschedule my rent auto pay.
You really think so? That’s a really stupid thing for any guy to do, and even stupider from a guy who’s at work and can have the manager called over and ask him why he’s insulting customers.
You pay your landlord rent to have a place of your own to live your life as you see fit. Full Stop.
Cat Whisperer, you’re totally right about the stupid at work part. However, I can totally see the “neg hit” method, in general, working.
Good Gawd, I just read that article on “neg hits”. Rollin my eyes until they are stuck in the back of my head.
My husband just told me that Maxim magazine tried neg-hits and reported on it - apparently it was a dismal failure with real women.
Thanks for the responses guys. The context of the statement was her telling me that she never sees me (which is true) and I was like, “Yeah…haha…I’m just so busy with work and then my friends want to see me all the time…I have lots of obligations, social and otherwise.” And she responded, “Oh, I just assumed you never went out because you work so much!”
I do pay the rent on time, clean common areas, respect her rules…she’s just made it clear that I’m “odd” because I mostly eat frozen dinners (she’s super healthy) and my bedroom is disorganized and she’s a huge neat freak (to the point that she’s grossed out by her cat’s bodily functions). It’s not like I’m ruining her apartment or attracting vermin or whatever…I just have my books and clothes scattered around…you can see the floor though. And I should emphasize again this is NOT in the common areas, she CANNOT see it, unless she comes into my bedroom for whatever reason. And it’ll obviously be gone when I’m gone.
I actually have considered joining a meet up group, I just need to think about what sort I would want to join/if I even have the time.
I think what the host said to you Gallows was super rude and bizarre. That article about the “neg hits” was ridiculous, I would be very tempted to throw my drink in a guy’s face if he did that.
ETA: I have made more of an effort to be clean in my bedroom if that’s relevant at all…my stuff is organized in “piles,” but it’s not like, piles of dirty, smelly dishes and laundry…more like “computer cables” pile, “sweaters pile,” “magazines pile.” I’ve also joked with her about how I’m disorganized and I don’t intend to be, and she said she’s “seen worse.”
I’m sure it works on a very small percentage of women. And the neghitters remember the successes, but not the failures. It’s just like the old “women love bad boys” meme…some women DO like bad boys, and will love a bad boy all the more fiercely the worse he treats her, but most women will dump his ass the first time he pulls some of that stupid shit on her.
Wow. This really underscores how I fundamentally think differently than most people.
My response to “you’re never home!” would have been “Lucky you - less wear and tear on the place!” Because it IS a bonus for him.
I wouldn’t have given it a second though. I would have probably just responded “yeah..I’ve been pretty busy lately.”
If I was feeling clever, I might say “yeah, I usually like to do drugs at my crack-whore’s place.”
That was my first thought. The problem is a “neg” only works on bitchy girls who know (or at least think) they are hot and have been desensitized by so many men complimenting them all the time. The humorous insult catches them off guard and makes them feel self conscious so they try harder to seek validation from the guy.
But for a girl who already has no confidence (lets say, because she is a 6), she just thinks it’s another guy making fun of her and it totally destroys her (of course ruining any chance of picking her up).
IOW, the host made that joke because the idea of gallows fodder being some sort of friendless loser seemed absurd. Of course, he had no way of knowing that this was an actual issue for her so it backfired.
I mean, as long as you’re aren’t causing any troubles for the landlord, she shouldn’t pry or snoop. I think your landlady is a little intrusive, commenting on your personal life and tidying up your stuff in your room. I would appreciate the help, to be honest, but I would feel uncomfortable about it.
Crowbar, I think CZ tidied her room up herself. I don’t think the lord over landlady did it.
I just read that and feel…dirty. Is that stuff for real?!
Not to get off topic, but it is “real” in the sense that there is a loose community of people, mostly but not exclusively, on the Internet, who actively research and practice methods for improving their ability to pick up women. Basically they apply a combination of theatrical acting, sales, motivational speaking and other techniques to help communicate with women more effectively. It drew a lot of attention a few years ago when VH1’s reality show The Pickup Artist was on the air.
Like anything else, I think it can be used for good or evil. Sure, if you spend all your time creating some fake persona so you can go around getting laid as much as possible, that’s really freakin creepy. OTOH, for a shy, awkward guy with no idea how to approach a girl he likes, what advice would you give him for breaking out of his shell?
This was my thought exactly – it was an idiotic thing to say (because it’s insulting without actually being funny), but it does seem like he was trying to riff on the fact that impossibility of someone like gallows not having an army of friends. Chalk it up to a horribly failed pick-up attempt and forget about it.
As for the OP, I’m inclined to be less generous toward your landlord, given that her insults seem designed only to give her an excuse to share her insulting opinions of you. No different than if she saw you heading out to the gym and opined that she hadn’t think you could move under your own power on account of how fat and unattractive you are.
Next time she says something like this, tell her to keep her opinions to herself. You can also call her a nasty old whore if you’re feeling frisky.
Giraffe is a wise man (or is it just guy? I can never remember); he managed to shake off his reputation for liking pee sandwiches and hitting on underage girls and has been a smashing success on the internets. 
Try not to care so much about what other people think. Humankind is constantly passing petty judgment and gossiping behind your back; fuck 'em. The only thing that is important is the opinion of the people you know well, like, and value having in your life.
Compared to me you are a social butterfly. You can find me 99% of the time in my apartment (usually on the computer), at work, or at the yoga studio. I don’t like having people in my home, I think it’s been a couple years since someone came over to hang out. Somehow I maintain quite a few friendships but I am lucky to see most of my friends a few times per year.
I think it’s healthy to be able to enjoy both solitary pursuits and social time. Even the most hermit-y loners can benefit from forming relationships, and 24 hour party people who can’t ever be alone usually have severe emotional problems (says the homebody introvert… but I have a lot of extreme extrovert friends). You sound like to have a very good balance, to me. It’s something I strive for as my natural tendency is to stay home, alone, and never initiate contact with anyone.
Also, your landlord needs to knock it off with the personal comments.
Yeah, no kiddin’. Oddly, the one I was most offended by was the neg-hit about women and cursing. It has always been a pet peeve of mine that cursing is considered somehow worse if women do it. I have something of a salty vocabulary myself, but I’ll try to rein it in, if you mention you don’t like cursing in general. I don’t mind.
But if some horny shithead came up to me and said, “You know, it’s really unattractive for a woman to curse.” I’d say something along the lines of “Well, that takes a load off my mind, because I don’t want to spend the whole fucking evening fending off a sexist motherfucking pig-ass shit-eating bastard such as your-fucking-self. Arroint thee, asshole!”
CatherineZeta,
The way you think reminds me of a friend of mine. She tends to dwell on comments and worry that she’s not fitting in or not at the place she should be in her life as she compares herself to other people…
So, I’ll tell you what I would tell her: Screw your landlord. You’re awesome. You shouldn’t care what she thinks. Want to get together, drink wine and make fun of her twitchy reaction to her cat pooing?
And, really, you’re fine, her comment wasn’t as bad as comments I’ve had. I once had a lady at work go around gossiping about me behind my back* because she was supposedly worried. Because my only social outlet was having my girlfriends over to watch Buffy and therefore I was a sad, sad person or something. Even though I had lots o’ friends, a great boyfriend and a happy life, it wasn’t normal or something. (look lady, I’m not the one wearing a cat sweatshirt as business casual.)
So, screw her preconceived notions of what one should do! Buffy night was the best kind of social outlet!
*The IS guys told me. no one pays attention to a guy standing around with various lengths of wire.