Because he might lose the chance to make a fun, interesting, intelligent friend. I’ve never understood the “I like you well enough to sleep with you, but not to be your friend” mentality. If I’m good to enough to have sex with, I’d like to think that I’m good enough to have coffee with, too. My social roster is never so full that I can’t add a new platonic friend of either sex.
I’m not saying that you have to become friends with every woman you date, but it is insulting when someone want to hang out with you only if there’s the possibility of nookie.
Hm. Also begs the question “If you don’t want to be shot down, why do you keep asking out women that are emotionally unavailable?” Are you looking for a purely physical relationship? Come right out and say so, fercryinoutloud. We’re not mind readers, either.
Why do so many people simply accept ambiguity without comment while talking to a potential date, then go quiz all their friends to see what the date meant?
Whenever a woman told me anything that I found vague or confusing, I simply asked what she meant. If her answer wasn’t clear, I asked again.
Why on earth would you think of asking a woman after a date if she had any single friends? I don’t know if I’m in some sort of fantasyland, but I usually assume that even if they are talking that there’s still interest in pursuing something beyond the merely physical. To me, if you ask a woman if she has single friends, it’s like blatantly stating that all you want to do is to “bag another woman.” I know I tend to be a bit on the old-fashioned side, but isn’t the assumption on a date usually that feelers are being stuck out to see if there’s something more, and if you want to keep it just physical, you’d better state that in no uncertain terms up front?
Well, see, we don’t want him around. That’s why women don’t consider the “Let’s be friends” bit the heinous offense that men do. We DO, however, consider the “you’re good enough to be my semen receptacle but not my friend” treatment pretty damned insulting.
IMHO, it’s not quite like that. If I ask out a girl, it’s obviously someone I’d want to be friends with. But when I get turned down, it’s extremely difficult for me to hang around her again, at least for awhile, because every time I see her from then on, I get upset (not quite the word I’m looking for, but close enough) because I thought the relationship could have been something more then it is. I may not talk to you for a few days, or a few weeks, or whatever, simply because it’s easier for me to not talk to you rather then re-live the ‘pain of rejection’ over and over again.
Hmmm, do they? What I’d like to know is if “you’ve lost any real interest in dating other people” although a declaration of mutual exclusivity hasn’t been agreed on, then why would you date someone other than your new boyfriend or girlfriend?
I’ve been involved with my present boyfriend for 8 months now, and yes, we’re exclusive. But back when it had only been a month or two into the relationship, a woman from work wanted to fix me up with someone. Although my bf and I had at that point only seen each other a few times (it’s a long distance relationship) and we hadn’t yet made an official exclusivity commitment, I politely declined on the fix-up. I was nuts about my bf even then, even though I had no idea if or how it would work out (in some ways I still don’t!), but I truly had no interest in going out on a date with anyone else.
I just don’t understand this mentality. If you like who you’re with, or want to cement a relationship with someone, why would you date others?!
Now let’s look at what tclouie said about this event:
Okay, now we have:
tclouie asks woman-friend out on a date.
Woman just wants to be friends.
Woman politely declines tclouie’s invitation.
tclouie is a little disappointed.
tclouie asks his FRIEND if she has any single friends who might like to go dancing with him.
tclouie does not ask said friend if she has any single friends who might like to be his “semen receptacle” (very charming, CCL :rolleyes: ).
So, to recap, they have not been out on a date, and there is no mutual romantic interest between them. There was some one-sided romantic interest on tclouie’s part, but that’s been kiboshed, and now they’re just friends.
Is it wrong for a man to ask his female friend if she knows anyone who might like to go out on a date with him? (again, not someone who might like to fuck him, someone who might like to go dancing with him).
If they were dating, I’d say it was in poor taste. But, she has made clear that she didn’t want to date him, she only liked him as a friend. Great! tclouie has a friend! But even if she’s the best friend tclouie ever makes in his life why should she be upset if he asks her to introduce him to some of her single friends?!?!? Shouldn’t she be flattered? You don’t ask someone to set you up if you don’t consider them a friend, or at least respect their judgement!
I understand the thought process, though. If you don’t like men (and some women really, really don’t) then of course you’re going to interpret a request for a date as an invitation to be a guy’s “semen receptacle” (:rolleyes: again). Me, I’m giving tclouie the benefit of the doubt.
You honestly, really and truly don’t know what it means to be kept on the shelf by a potential dating partner? I’m stunned. I guess that’s why you don’t understand what tclouie is frustrated about.
See, when someone keeps you on the shelf, that means that they know you’re attracted to them, but they’re seeing someone else, so they give you just enough encouragement to keep you waiting in the wings - that way they have you as a backup in case something goes wrong in their main relationship or as a tool to make the SO jealous should the need arise. Some people who do this even get mad if you show signs of interest in anyone else, because they don’t want to lose the security that comes with having you following them around like a puppy.
The woman in tclouie’s story may or may not be “keeping him on a shelf”, and there’s no way for us to know if she is or not. However, I submit that tclouie is in a much better position to make that judgement than either you or I are.
Yeah, God damn those men! They just don’t understand the value of friendship, all they want is a semen receptacle ( :rolleyes: one more time). Women love to get the “let’s just be friends” bit. That’s why you see so many women running through the streets doing cartwheels, singing “Hooray! The guy I have a crush on wants to be friends! Oh happy day!”
:D. Even at my age, I got “the speech” recently. here’s the way mine went: 1. “I want us to be loving friends.” (meaning yeah, she’d go out with me and even sleep with me, but that’s it.)
2. “I don’t want to make a commitment.” (Cool. I don’t want to marry this person , but I have to be in love with someone before I make love to them, so I could kinda see that approaching… 3. “I want to take it slower” (Well, we’ve known each other 10 years. If I go any slower, the only way I’ll be able to get it up will be with rigor mortis).
