I have a badly bruised buttock

Playing in my hockey league last night, I fell on the metal post around the bottom of the net over on the side, squarely on my right ass cheek. Hockey pants have no padding there, I quickly learned.

It is quite purple and sore today.

Why do I share this mundane and pointless information?
A. It’s not mundane and pointless to me, obviously; and,
B. How often in life do you get to refer to a singular buttock?

It’s like putting on a pant. Or using a scissor. Or a plier.

All of my political debate buddies will be happy to know that, as I sit here, at this moment, I am now decidedly leaning to The Left.


So Milo…want me to kiss it and make it better? :wink:

all joking aside.

Milo be very cautious with this. large bruises can have complications.

Watch for: 1. Streaking (lines of color going from the bruise towards your heart) and 2. Warmth. (indicates an infection.

I had a large (3 for a buck grapefruit size :eek: ) bruise just below my left knee about 7 years ago. It got infected, and has left scar tissue (or so my dr. says - it’s still a lump below my knee, not as large, but visible).

Oh well I guess we can both kiss it and make it better for Milo. Sounds like that could be fun, and slightly kinky.

OK, Milo, turn a little to the left…a little more…THERE!

I’m not the kind of guy to say this often, but it looks like a nicely bruised buttock to me. Look at the bright side (not the brightly colored side) - at least your hockey injury doesn’t require a bridge.

Um, one cheek, I suppose?
Oh well, a cousin of mine broke his jaw playing hockey and had to have it wired shut-at Xmas time. I remember him watching us chow down on turkey and ham, while he had soup.

He had to put all of the desserts in the blender to drink.

wring: Thanks. I always knew you cared, deep-down. :wink: I’ve admired my purple glute several times today. I’ll keep an eye on it if it starts to make its way up my back or something. (Sounds like an old “Creature Feature” movie from TV 50 Saturday mornings.)

And thanks for the offer, Falc and 'Yesha. I didn’t even ask you to kindly kiss my ass; you just offered. What friends.

About now, I think even a kiss would hurt too much.

OK, this isn’t a sequential thread, but they’re both on MPSIMS right now, and it just should be:

“I have a badly bruised buttock”
“My toilet is possessed.”

Well, I may care, but I still ain’t kissing your ass.

Glad you’re keeping an eye on it- but be careful to only do that when you’re not walking (it wouldn’t do to have you fall and get another boo-boo 'cause you were too busy watching your own ass)

Milo, I feel your pain. I truly do.

No! Hey!! Stop that! I didn’t mean that way!!

Last weekend, I was carrying my very sick daughter, Baby Babe I down the stairs, as I have a gazillion times before, and my socked foot slipped off the stair, and down we both fell. Obviously my hands were full, so I stopped my fall with the next best thing, My Ass. I now have a bruise about the size of a dinner plate on my right side. Baby Babe I is fine.

Hey, one night I was at my computer at home and slid off my chair. Caught a caster arm right between the butt cheeks, and hard!

I once had my feet slip out from under me on the stairs, and went bump, bump, bump all the way down on the right cheek. Worse, I was going to a dance competition the next day, where I wore fishnet stockings for a day. When I took them off, they apparently had moved around the glop under my skin, because the bruise had become a nice little pattern of purple diamonds with white unbruised lines between them. It looked seriously weird.

I once got in a bath without looking and sat on my sister’s razor. Got a nice cut right at the top of the cleft.