Pig farms. Hmm. Wasn’t that mentioned in the movie Snatch as a quick way to dispose of dead bodies?
Hmmm… I’d be finding out who the guy is first…
Once you kno who he is, then you can find out shit about him. Once you find out shit about him, there’s a goodly chance somebody out there might like to know where your neighbour is living these days. After all, all those armed dudes indicate he might be a target.
Then, once you can find out who would be interested in knowing where your neighbour lives these days, you could let said “dark enemies” know the address and enjoy watching your neighbour go through paranoia amplification.
All things being equal - he’ll move on. But perhaps he might leave the daughter behind if you play your cards right.
that method also might get the neighbor killed. Then you’d have death guilt, not a good idea. I’d go with trash, noise, and flamingoes - or garden gnomes 
Oh, and put up a cheesy mini-wishing well in the front yard too!
Hmm… a bag of thumbtacks “accidentally” spilled from your trash cans in the gutter of your front curb might help with the whole cars thing.
All jokes aside, Col, you considered a housewarming present of some kind? Found out who he is yet?
Play the Mr. Rogers Theme at full blast:
…I’ve always wanted a neighbor, just like you…
My … well, you collectively have some odd images of where I live.
First, sorry not keeping up with the Seussian start, lazy I suppose.
Second, no lawns. I don’t live in an American suburb children. I live in the Mid East. And in the city, actually 5 minutes walk from the financial district, such as it is, so no picket fences or anything quite so suburban American. Really.
As to the precise location, well, I’ve dropped hints and actually mentioned it once or twice. I shall continue to be coy since it amuses me.
As to the matter of the blue camo: it’s a uniform of course. Tells you who they are. Internal Sec. organ.
As to who the fellow is, well, he’s of that class of people who get special issue single digit license plates. I know who he is, in general. All the more reason I don’t want him in the neighborhood. People try to blow up people like him, and I don’t want my windows broken in the process.
Now jjimm’s right, I’m not giving the fellow a chance – btw the guns are German too, none of this down-market AK stuff. That’s for regular army. Nope, internal security gets the nice german guns – but he’s causing me inconvenience. However the cars are gone, so perhaps he’s gone fishing or something.
Finally Elvis my man, dating VIP daughters is an incredibly tedious thing. I’ve done it, and I didn’t like it. Creates all kinds of complications in one’s life, and they’re so very high maintanance.
Ah, yes, you may all assume that for people with special issue single digit license plates that zoning, laws and other items of due process are of highly theoretical value.
I’m still for the accidental spilling of thumbtacks, myself.
May I ask if Mr. Neighbour is a member of the government of your host country, or of a different country/organisation?
Just have to say that I read -
- as Internal sex organ.
Diplomatic status, regional org.
Damn it the fucking cars are back parked on my favorite fucking sidewalk.
Bastards. Ruined my lunch walk.
Well, the rain did that too, but…
Somebody, sometime, must have given you the wish “May you live in interesting times”. I don’t think I’d push this particular envelope. Smile, nod, and walk where you can - surprises aren’t always pleasant!
Easy, wrap yourself in tinfoil, walk back and forth. Scream that he has microwave listening devices inside his house loud enough for the neighbors to hear.
I dunno about Elvis, but I never said anything about dating the girl. If you use my plan, please make sure to tell us if you wore a blue Italian suit in during it’s execusion.
Wagner? Cher?
Fools, infidels, idiots! Do you not understand the incredible annoying power of ©rap?
Have a tape loop cassette in your home stereo system. Turn up the bass quite a lot. Make sure it is not blasting to the point where you are in violation of whatever nusiance codes exist where you are. Be sure the performer has a solid monotone voice and that the backbeat is drearily repetitive.
Leave this tape running whenever you are away from home.
Or, you could just buy an accordian an begin learning how to play it. Make sure you never get any better, but continue to practice assiduously. Then again, this might torture you more than them.
I still vote for inviting him over for a cookout. Or trying to make friends with the IntSec guys. Perhaps you could ask them politely if they could keep the cars off the sidewalk?
(Frankly, Col, I thought you were making an analogy to the US in Iraq. It would have been a good one, except I was trying to figure out if Light Blue meant UN or USAF.)
Don’t worry, pretty soon Bush will get it into his head to invade your neighborhood and liberate it.
I don’t know how applicable this is to your situation, but I knew this NYC cop who got assigned to walk a beat near the UN. He got tired of issuing parking tickets to all the cars with diplomatic plates and didn’t have to worry about paying them. Then, suspiciously, one morning, about 14 cars with dip plates had smashed windshields and slashed tires.
Even with dip plates, its a hassle getting a windshield for a mercedes replaced.
That will probably be a given. Accordion is something you’re either meant to get good at, or you never will.