Oh wow, I just now noticed the new “dubious” smiley.
Anyway, 
← This is going to have to do for a laughing uproariously smiley!
“Who let the logs out! Me! Me! Me!” Truly inspired.
[johnny carson]
ahhh funny stuff! ahhh!
[/johnny carson]
I still don’t know who it is, but I did a shoe check, and I’m going to be checking shoes all day today. Luckily they’re dressy shoes, not sneakers. That almost definitely makes him a co-worker and not a student.
As I was relaxing and getting ready to do my own business, I heard the door to the bathroom open and in my pathetic quest for more narration, I actually picked up my feet in case he was checking! This disturbs me in some fundamental way. For a time I wasn’t even sure if I could admit it. But I have. I’m not even going to analyze the motivations here.
So NP settles in to his place, and at first deceives me. There’s not a sound. I’m wondering if maybe it’s just another guy who has to drop a load and reflecting on how sick in the head I must be when:
FART
GRUNT
“God Damn.”
GRUNT GRUNT DEEP BREATH
“What the hell is this gonna take?”
PLOP, dribbling sounds
“AH-HAAAA!”
[bad accent, maybe German] Now you have seen vhat ve do to traitors! You vill give us zee information, or ve vill do it again!" You vill…[/bad accent, maybe German]
TORRENT OF POOP. NP apparently has the runs today.
“Whooheeee Paw! That was a gusher!”
“Yup, son, brown gold right thar.”
TORRENT OF POOP, MULTIPLE FARTS, DEEP BREATHS, GRUNTING
“We’re gonna be rich, Paw!”
FARTS, SOUNDS OF TP AQUISITION AND USE
“Man, I don’t remember eating anything that looked like that. No more chili for dinner.”
FLUSHES, DEPARTS
I’m bringing in a tape recorder. I’ve got to get this on tape before my mind explodes.
welby, this is an instant classic poop thread. A certain other Doper will have to look to his laurels, as this one rivals the best.
I didn’t think The Second Incident could possibly be as funny as the OP, but…it is! No, wait, it’s funnier. This has to go into the SDMB Top 10!
I’d like to know if you’re writing this down in the stall, and if so, on TP?
~Ferry
When you do tape it, you’ve got to get it online and post a link. You’ve just GOT to!
Whatever you do, don’t let him know you’re on to him, he might shut up!
You’ll be happy to know that I just nominated this for Threadspotting…
I’m working out the details of how to record the Narrative Pooper without getting caught and/or people thinking I’m weird. I’m going to try this week. If it happens, you’ll be the first to know.
Damn, man, I’m laughing so hard I’ve got to tuck my lung back in. You just can’t do a poop improv like that without natural in born (dare I say) talent.
While this particular offender IS NOT ME, I have been guilty of Narrative Pooping. Usually because I was goddamn SURE I was alone.
The first time I found out I wasn’t was the last time I indulged myself. God, that was embarrassing. :eek:
I am laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes…
Laughing that hard tends to make me wheeze. I’ll be coughing all afternoon.
Thanks a LOT, welby!!
(just kidding, the laugh was worth it…)
Do you know how hard it is to laugh AND be slightly nauseous from reading the post!!?!?!
Facinating… And I am so glad I don’t work in your building!
This is at work right? I’m a little scared for you. Amusing as the story is, someone that unbalanced might be a danger to others.
Reminds me of when I was staying in sort of a half-way house for mental patients. I passed by the upstairs bathroom when one of the other residents was bathing and evidently playing with himself.
[mimicking a woman’s voice]
“Oooh, it’s so big!”
[/mimicking a woman’s voice]
I had gone downstairs by the time I realized what I should have done.
::knock on door::
“Hey, keep it down in there, will ya?”
Yes, I did know who was in there.
Wellby, please tell me how the hell I explain the laughter coming from my cubicle.
Tupug, do what I do.
Send 'em a link.
I can’t stand the suspense anymore. Whither the NP?
I, too, am on the edge of my seat.
(But at least I’m not grunting.)
It could become the most frequently downloaded audiofile of 2003 if welby can pull it off.