Recently a batch of Monica Bellucci model hookerbots came out bad in such a way that, while they were still ridiculously hot, they were – well, let’s just say ill-suited for hookerbotry. I thought about recycling them but despite the smoothness of their nether regions, they still look like Monica Bellucci, and as they had started crying I couldn’t make myself open the lava pit. Instead I have decided to repurpose them to deliver slaps on demand.
This service is just what it sounds like. For only $2, you can have a Bellucci slapbot walk up to any single person you designate (other than me and mine), explain the victim’s misdeeds, and give them the chance to apologize. If the victim refuses to apologize they’ll be given a single open-handed slap on both cheeks. If the victim apologizes they’ll be slapped on just the left cheek. After all these are slapbots and not fulfilling their purpose makes them cry and I cannot bear the thought of Monica Bellucci crying and anyone who could countenance such a thing needs to be slapped.
Only one slap-session victim per week allowed. That includes Nancy Grace and Fred Phelps and even that Dr. Phil. You may designate multiple parties to be slapped, but bear in mind that the second victim costs $4, the third $8, and so on. If you nominate a person to be slapped who has already been slapped that week you may choose another. The Bellucci-bots are programmed not to harm children, so if you name a child to be slapped you yourself will be slapped until the faux-Monica either gets bored or decides you have matured.
Any takers? Whom will you have slapped, and what message would you like delivered first? (Note: Dopers are not eligible for slaps.)
Ooh! Ooh! I’ll take one! I have a co-worker who could use some sense slapped into her. I’m sure I’ll think of more people who need slapped as I go along.
In the comic strip “Get Fuzzy”, Bucky Katt learns of poet laureates. He then decides to become a “slap you upside the head laureate”. Rob (the human in the strip) tells him that nobody will pay for this. Bucky says that he will provide it as a free service.
Coming from Bucky, that’s quite a humanitarian gesture.
That second picture is more airbrush than actual human being. But since they’re bots, I assume airbrushing is part of the standard design?
Can I set up a weekly-recurring slap of the same person, to continue until their death in the indeterminate future? And do slapbots request or require tips?
On a related note, I have been thinking of becoming a Life Coach. When clients enter my office, I will take them by the shoulders, shake them soundly, and scream “STOP FUCKING UP!” at them.
Please sign me up for a slap to Chimera’s neighbor, and one to my idjit coworker/ex-flatmate who does things like freak out if a cup has been placed to dry with the handle “on the wrong side” (I’m sort’a not-exactly ambidexterous, the handle was on the left so you couldn’t see the picture - o tempora, o mores!)
