And yet now that women are gaining economic equality, there is a noticeable trend towards women also seeking out younger partners as well- which isn’t really all that surprising…do you really think women don’t also prefer a toned and energetic partner over a tubby, balding one with ED? It appears there are other reasons for women to prefer a partner close to their age as well. There are complexities at work, many that we haven’t begun to think about, that go beyond the clever “just so” story of Men’s Health evolutionary psychology.
It’s facile to look directly at “reproductive advantage” when there are so many closer-to-the-surface power dynamics also involved. Through most of history in most societies women didn’t have a choice to remain unmarried, had a strict limit on their “marriageable” years, and had to rely on men for resources, so they haven’t really had a free choice.
Anyway, in this case I don’t really care about the age gap. But justified or not, it’s one more barb that’s going to hurt the wife. Your husband deciding to date a younger woman after the divorce is one thing, but being cheated on with a younger woman- especially if you’ve had kids- does some very bad things to your self-esteem and sense of self worth.
Preach it, sister. It’s very hard to take evolutionary psychology seriously when the only time it’s trotted out is to reinforce gender inequality. I’m sure there must be a use other than justifying misogyny, but if there is I haven’t seen it.
(And before someone asks, no, I don’t give a shit about the age gap.)
It sounds perfectly reasonable to me, and not at all amusing. Why shouldn’t any person accept the most evolutionarily advantageous of the options available, regardless of gender?
If choosing a younger mate is so evolutionarily advantageous, shouldn’t that work both ways? And yet, oddly enough, “boy toys” are seen as anomalies, while sugar daddies and trophy wives are accepted as “normal”.
She’s not quite young (and he’s not old enough) to be the sugar/trophy duo–but being dumped for a younger model does sting. But the OP couldn’t help that–he’s in lurrrrrve.
Humans don’t act exclusively as evolution would dictate or the players involved would have spawned at least one more kid by this point in the game. Not to mention the “pseudo husband” of the “girl” would have had to be killed or at least neutralized.
Like you, I understand the attraction, but I’m tired of seeing “evolution” trotted out as an excuse for poor behavior.
And that’s really the only point of bringing up evolution. It’s not mysterious or amusing or pathetic to be attracted to younger partners. It’s simply natural.
I suspect we agree and we’re just arguing two different points.
It’s natural to be attracted to a younger partner. It is not inevitable to act upon the attraction. Excusing one’s actions by claiming “evolution made me do it” is (IMO) a cop-out.
Just to be clear, I agree with your assessment. I don’t agree that it’s only “opinion.” Reason being, if we’re all just slaves to evolution, then it renders all of our celebrated “human intelligence” totally invalid. Means that we have none, we can only react to all facets of life as single-celled organisms react to stimuli.
I would guess the success of the 2nd marriage is highly dependent on the type of divorce:
Second marriage after couple gets divorced for reasons other than infidelity
Second marriage with the affair partner.
I’ve heard that affair relationships have a very high chance of failure. Something like only 10% eventually get married, and of those that do, 75% will get divorced.
I’ve often wondered, why is it that THIS time it’s True Love, whereas all the previous times of “true love” weren’t? THIS time it will work when previous times it hasn’t? THIS time is different when previous times were also “different”?
I mean, when one of them asks, “What kind of [man/woman] do you think I am?” We’ve already determined THAT; now it’s just a matter of why you think the rest will somehow be different. (Although, to be fair, SOME of them actually do work out.)
Similar to the ones that refer to their wives as “THE wife.” (What’s so different from THE Ball & Chain? Hey, pal, YOU volunteered; there ain’t no shotgun weddings anymore.)
I never said they were. But having a baby in a relationship that’s more likely than average to split up because you’re already unhappy and have just added an extra, totally unnecessary layer of stress to the situation…well, that’s what’s known as a Bad Idea, for fairly self-evident reasons. Doing it multiple times is a screaming red flag of General Poor Judgment, which is often an indicator of Shitty Parenting.
He shared nearly every single detail of a sordid affair, with the thread title “I have left my wife and children,” on a very public message board. Privacy went out the windows a while ago.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for an update. Obviously he doesn’t have to respond, but there’s nothing wrong with asking, or even goading.
This is a surprise. An odd kind of post from someone who just joined this month :dubious:.
The “other woman” remains perfect and we are both happy. I see my children regularly and they seem happy enough. My ex has moved on, has a partner who I get on well with, and seems happy. It’s not like I have deep and meaningfuls with her though.