I have my 3yo nephew for 5 days. What evil thing can I teach him to do?

[Lightray]

@Jillyvn

I still worry I altered him for life with that offhand remark - what if he develops some kind of weird housekeeping fetish?

His parents will bless you every day of their lives, is what.

[Markxxx]

Dude is pretty good.

I had a friend’s baby, who was just learning to talk, and in only 3 hours I managed to teach her how to say “HEY BABY” and wave.

For the next year everyone she met she’d greet by waving at them and saying “HEY BABY!”

Of course everyone, except the parents, thought it was SO cute, so the kid kept doing it.

[The_Scrivener]

@Jillyvn

When my first nephew was born, I had no experience with children. I had never been around them, had babysat only a handful of times and usually older kids, and I was utterly lost. Shortly after he started walking and talking (not sure how old, maybe 2?), he went through a phase where he was hugging everything. He was driving me nuts, so I casually suggested he hug the vaccuum cleaner standing beside him. He asked me why, and I said “Because vaccuums need hugs too”. He hugged it. Exuberantly. It was at this moment that I realized concretely the absolute power an adult has to shape the mind of a young being. It fully reinforced my decision to never have kids - that kind of power is overwhelming, no? I still worry I altered him for life with that offhand remark - what if he develops some kind of weird housekeeping fetish?

Why would he need a housekeeping fetish when he’s already a budding frotteurist?
Here’s one good for car trips short and long: the “I Spy” game. “I spy with my little eye, something that is red!” Repeat about a thousand times…

[Influential_Panda]

@Sunrazor

Farting loudly, then proclaiming, “And that’s just the Democrats!”

I want you to know that I nearly pooped myself from laughing at this one. Clearly, you’re not a man.

[Jelly_Roll]

I have a 6 month old daughter and a younger brother. All I can say is oh crap.

I used to watch a little boy whose older brother taught him to wag his bum back and forth and slowly say, “Shaaaaake your boooooty.” I don’t know that it was super annoying, but it embarrassed the heck out of his dad.