Does anyone know if there’s a market for a Lonely Barking Dog? I have one in my complex that needs to be moved along.
Pikers!
You haven’t lived until you’ve been on my balcony, right across from Ugly Topless And Perhaps Demented Overweight 85 Year Old Woman With Flappy Breasts Waving in The Wind.
I tell ya, I rarely take the gamble of eating on the balcony these days.
And to elaborate: she’s not behind a screen door or anything. She’s out on the balcony, usually to enjoy the view, apparently.
Never mind that that spoils everyone else’s, of course.
Originally posted by Coldfire in different thread
Heh, I see what you mean.
Ooo, pretty crappy trade-in values in the Neighbor Blue Book. The salesman really screwed you on that one.
Hey Lsura if ya want I’ll be more than happy to come by and have a little “talk” with UNG.
After I’m through with him he’ll never have that screen door closed again!
You win. I was unable to finish my dinner after reading your description. I hope you’re happy.
Hah! We guys may not be able to look a naked woman in the eyes, but at least we know whether she’s ugly, or not.
If that “beauty” is in her eye, she’s doing it wrong.
Maybe she has a removeable glass eye?
There was a really awful joke I read once involving such a situation.
My apartment sucks. All I have is Possibly Unhinged ex-Roommate and Normal Indian Family Who Seem to Be Walking By Whenever I Leave My Apartment.
I suppose I’m the local Funny Looking Guy in Underpants.
So are you going out on the balcony more or less to smoke? It could be a good thing if it is less. 
I am SO GLAD that I am no longer an apartment-dweller. Unfortunately for me, the weirdos in my apartment complex weren’t across from my balcony, they were my roommates. All at the same time, I had:
Kleptomanic Guy
Stays-shut-in-his-room-smoking-dope-and-only-comes-out-to-complain-that-the-woman-he-had-one-night-stand-with-won’t-stop-calling Guy
Laughs-maniacally-at-any-sitcom Guy.
Anyone want the ‘we’ll move in and start changing the whole damn village cos it’s so out of date’ neighbours? we got a set going spare. complete with poseur mercs and a beamer. children and pets (and anything else that would ruin their ‘perfect’ lifestyle) extra…
According to the trade-in values in the Neighbor Blue Book, depending on milage and “optional extras” an Ugly Naked Guy is roughly equivalent to:
One Deranged Urine-Smelling Cat Woman.
Point seven Stereo Cranking Adolescents.
One-and-a-half Noisy Lovemaking Couples.
Point six of a Domestic Violence Family.
Three Funny Looking Guys in Underpants (good deal, that)!
Point eight Smelly-Cooking Ethnic Families.
Oh, Ugly Topless And Perhaps Demented Overweight 85 Year Old Woman With Flappy Breasts Waving in The Wind are listed under “Extensive Structural Damage, Flood Damage and Totalled”.
What can I get for “Man Who Has Loud Sex and Stops in the Middle to Announce that it is Time to do More Coke Followed by a Good Rock Smoked on the Balcony as the Smell of Crack Wafts into My Bedroom”?
Meanwhile they have Always Has to Leave At the Same Time as Us Guy.
I was out smoking a minute ago. Ugly Naked Guy was out on his balcony, unfortunately not naked.
I think I may have to change his name to “Not So Ugly Naked Guy With Really Nice Back Muscles”.
I’ll take five Smelly Ethnic Cooking Families over Chasing, Squealing & Tickling Couple (Combined Weight > 500lbs) any day, particularly when CS&TC lives upstairs (as they always do.)
Unless of course all those SECFs have Use All Laundry Machines At The Same Time toggled to ON.
I also am a borderline Ugly Naked Guy. I don’t flaunt, but there is a price to be paid for looking in my windows.
Please report to The Center for reprogramming.
[sub]JuanitaTech’s following post, though unrelated, just seemed to fit - at least to my delicately cynical sensibilities. Carry on. . .[/sub]
You know, if everybody were good-looking naked, we probably wouldn’t have any need for “indecent exposure” laws.