The couple above me either has really boisterous sex OR they are trying to murder each other.
I’m not sure.
When I was in college, I lived in a coed dorm my freshman year. One of the women on my floor would for reasons unknown leave her door slighly ajar when she returned from the shower. She would then proceed to remove her bathrobe and get dressed behind the door–but in full view of the mirror that was on a direct line-of-sight from the thin opening in the doorway.
I still don’t know if she knew she was giving passersby a show or was oblivious, but she was attractive enough that I was happy with the situation either way.
So, how’s the new telescope working out?
I’ll take one Ugly Naked Guy in exchange for a few Pairs of Roommates Who Mutate Into Two Uneasy Couples After a Couple of Months. Four adults, one bathroom. Bad scene.
Now, granted, we mutated into Family with a New Baby 4 years ago, but at least my kid doesn’t spend all his time in the courtyard, yelling into his cell phone.
My collection of Three Squealing Seven-Year-Old Girls plus one Only Barks in the Middle of the Night Puppy makes me feel justified in leaving my blinds open and being the Naked Redhead College Chick. I figure the Daddies of the Three Squealing Seven-Year-Olds deserve whatever they may see.
Just doing my part for the neighborhood.
Posted by lovelyluka,
I know which apartment complex I wanna move into!!
Hey, luka,… How YOU doin’? 
Reckon I’m the Ugly Nekkid Lady with Always Awake at 4am Baby. But as the only people that get to share it are holiday makers in the caravan park behind us it don’t bother me. Gives them something to write in their postcards home.
(Our neighbours all have baby’s that are awake at 4am also - I feel a strange affinity to them when I get up to feed bub and see them moving around doing the same thing.)
My stupid punk kids have been at it all weekend, and no amount of complaining to the management, nor has asking the neighbours themselves has gotten anywhere!!
Therefore: I will take the funny smells of ethnic food family and the 85 year old woman and then we can ship my stupid punk kids to Siberia. Have we got a deal?
At my age, complaining about a loud stereo… who the fuck is this curmudgeon and where’s she from?
Whoo-hoo, just glad that I’ve lost my Hysterical College Girl in the Stairwell Who Drunkenly Cries Over Love Gone Bad. Made it awkward to come home when I had to climb over her to get to my apartment.
I am no longer an apartment dweller, and it was with very mixed emotions that I surrendered my Redneck Ex-Convict Who Gets Drunk and Cries “You Don’t Love Me Anymore” Before He Beats His Platinum Blonde, Marlboro-Red Smoking Girlfriend. I say mixed because they were entertaining up to a point (say, 9:30 p.m.). After that the whole act grew tiresome and I had to call the cops.
Alas, when I moved out I also no longer received telephone calls from a woman in the complex who said, “Please don’t close your shades…I think you’re hot.”
The tradeoffs one must make.
Where I live, I have one Angry Boyfriend. This is one hell of an action figure, guys–he went on a rampage one night and inflicted quite a bit of damage to the building. He comes equipped with Power Punch and Swift Kick. The whole set also includes Apathetic Girlfriend and their Poor Kids. I suppose they wouldn’t go for much. I shudder to think what the trade would be on that one.
I also have one Habitual Yeller. Actually, two. Any takers?
I have Gorgeous Topless Brunette who likes to smoke au naturale with her french windows open, a short 20 feet across the street from our flat. I thought it was a gift from the gods when she first appeared. However, all this changed when the gift was discovered by Irrational Wife Who Thinks That I Somehow Arranged All This.
Now I feel so cheap.
Well, I have Snooping Bitch neighbor; Next Door Neighbor Who Refuses to Speak To Me because I had the unmitigated audacity to complain to him about his habit of parking in MY driveway whenever he had visitors coming; Heavy Drinking Neighbor who has a crush on Marcie; Pool Police Lady and Large Woman Who Allows Her Dog to Jump Into Community Swimming Pool—I’ll trade 'em all for Gorgeous Topless Brunette or similar.
After buying my first home and living in it for the past 3 years, I’ve realized that every single one of my neighbors is “Spanish-speaking Family that starts Young Child’s birthday party at 9pm and ends at 4am complete with la casa de bounce, amplified Spanish-speaking clown, and tio/DJ that emcees party via family stereo with speakers pointed away from their house and directly towards mine because they didn’t consider that the speaker wire they have wouldn’t reach all the way to the back of the yard which causes the sound to reflect against the sliding glass door which acts like a speaker inside my bedroom that I can still hear quite clearly with earplugs in and causes my cat to freak out and run around all night yet the police ignore my calls and requests to have them turn it down or bring the party inside because their extended family is so large that someone either knows the cops that show up or the cops are already there (off-duty)” while to them my wife and I (and our cat) are just “Creepy English-speaking couple that we don’t invite to our parties.”
I’ve attempted several times to befriend them, figuring that “if I can’t beat 'em, join 'em.” However, all attempts have failed. Even speaking Spanish and bringing over cookies, and offering to help move large pieces of furniture and the like has only netted me an unreturned glass plate.
I suppose I’ll just move soon. In exactly 7 days, “(Former) Cocaine-dealing Fugitive” will be released from prison and moving back across the street. Good news is that he’s the nicest of my neighbors.
Anyone want to trade?
Looks like I’ve got a close relative of that one. However, mine isn’t so rude as to park in my driveway. He just has his guests park ON MY LAWN.
Hey…as a Stupid Punk Adult with Excessively Loud Stereo I resemble…err…resent that remark.
Jon
The only thing I miss about my last apartment is Lawn-Mowing Guy, across the street. Used to mow the lawn quite often, wearing only the skimpiest of jogging shorts. He was Easy on the Eyes, but his wife—what a moo! No wonder he was outside all the time.
My new apartment is much nicer, and most of the neighbors are pleasant enough, though not exactly eye candy. But out back we have the Kallikacks, whom I have mentioned before. She’s a single welfare mom; he’s a foul-mouthed parolee. Add their baby daughter, his sullen pre-teen sons, two huge attack dogs, and you have . . . well, It’s The Kallikacks! Tonight on Fox!
I have actually had a gen-yew-wine knocking shop right next to me, albeit on the 1st floor (I’m a floor above) for about six months.
I didn’t quite understand how these things work but having become acquainted with the old buzzard who acts as receptionist/telephonist/God knows, I find it all quite fascinating.
For example, they advertise in local newspapers and shop windows (which we all know) but what I didn’t know was that all the girls work one shift a week (there are two girls at any one time) and that the buzzard spends half her day fielding call from girls phoning up looking for work !
Buzzard say she has to ask them lots of questions (but not about their right to work in the UK) and then, if there’s a gap, invites the likeliest sounding one in to do a shift. The girls decide what they’re prepared to do and Buzzard tries to find out what the punters thought afterwards . . .but it’s all done indirectly. Unless the punter says something like “That was a waste of money” . . . .I swear, I had no idea how this all worked, although I did always wonder how the boss measured a girls ‘popularity’.
It’s all very civilised; 11.00-8.00, etc.
Anyway, must dash. It’s not easy spending most of the day with an upturned glass against the wall . . . .