…and let me tell you, that movie is BAD. It makes the Beast of Yucca Flats look rivetingly action-packed. Even with Rifftrax, it’s nearly unbearable; we had to stop and leave the rest for tomorrow. There’s almost no plot, it’s incredibly slow–the book at least had all the internal dialogue to draw you in (relatively speaking) but this movie just had drawn-out silences. Almost no expression, and forget about chemistry, it’s non-existent. If I didn’t already know that Bella is supposed to fall in love with Edward practically at first sight, I would not be able to tell from the first half of this film.
So, fellow Rifftrax lovers who have been planning to watch Twilight–don’t say I didn’t warn you. This sucker is bad, and not in a fun, amusing way. In a boring kill-me-now way.
I watched it with the Rifftrax this week. I could not believe how unbearable and painful the movie was. I can think of a handful of MST3K movies that are superior to it. Hell, Mitchell was a better movie–at least stuff happened. Leonard Part 6 was a better movie. It made Overdrawn at the Memory Bank look like Casablanca. The love affair between Padme and Anakin had more going for it. I mean, at least they talked to each other–as awkward as those conversations were–which is a lot more than Bella and Edward ever did.
The rifftrax itself was hilarious. There were a few lines that nearly killed me. They were really in top form. But I will never watch it again.
Off topic, but am I the only one who generally likes MST3K, yet for whom Rifftrax doesn’t do a thing? MST had the whole absurd backstory, and actual characters, while Rifftrax is just dudes talking over the film (funnily, perhaps – I’ve only seen a few snippets on their website, which maybe weren’t well chosen). It just doesn’t seem to strike the same chord with me. Then again, I suppose everybody’s sense of humour is different.
That said, Twilight was incredibly bad. Sucky on a black hole scale. I mean, supersparklevampire-baseball? I can take one deluded author, but isn’t there supposedly a whole team working on a movie? And nobody realized how incredibly stupid that was? Not even the actors, who had to suffer through pretending to hit baseballs so hard only thunder could mask the mighty clashes? Were they drugged? Their favourite pets taken for ransom? I just don’t get it.
But I think that all anybody should have to know about Twilight is that its vampires don’t spontaneously combust in sunlight, no, they instead sparkle beautifully. Anybody hears that and doesn’t react with the appropriate shocked disgust probably is a dangerously mentally unstable person and you’d be best advised to back away slowly and non-threateningly. In fact, I’m reasonably sure one could use that for clinical assessment:
Mental Hospital Worker #1: So, why’s that dude strapped down like Hannibal Lecter, and still surrounded by six heavily armed guards?
Mental Hospital Worker #2: Failed the Twilight Test.
Mental Hospital Worker #1:backs away slowly and non-threateningly
At least some of the actors realised it was stupid. However, it is also a licence to print money at the expense of rabid fangirls, so there are reasons to get involved even if you see it for what it is. The only person involved I know is a true believer is Meyer herself.
On the positive side of things I think it was one of the most brilliant Rifftrax they’ve ever done.
And I have to disagree that nothing happens. A lot of stuff happens: it’s just all really really stupid. So the movie runs through this haze of stuff that doesn’t make any sense.
…I also just realized that every time I think ‘sparkling vampires’, in my head I hear the Mr Sparkle commercial. Don’t know what that says about me in terms of mental stability.
I was going to ask something similar. I was a MST3K fan back when it was on Sci-Fi, but I’ve never seen a Rifftrax. In one of the other Twilight threads, someone posted a link to a snipped of their take on the Twilight movie, and I thought it was embarrassingly unfunny. Like, to the point where I felt uncomfortable watching it.
Then again, I was a MST3K fan in, like, middle school and haven’t watched the show in years. It’s possible that wouldn’t appeal to me anymore either.
Oh, it’s nowhere near a slog as, say, Manos the Hands of Fate or The Star Wars Holiday Special, both of which have an apparent running time of forever. (The latter is a slog even with the Rifftrax- although it is one of their better ones, and given the source material, it has to be.) Twilight is a blah film that is vastly improved by the Rifftrax. (Apparently Robert Patterson himself also makes a few snarky quips about his performance on the official DVD commentary.)
For some reason, the closest thing that comes to my mind to Twilight is another thing tweenage girls like- the High School Musical franchise. Looking at them from the vantage point of someone outside of the target demo, both of them are basically a love story about a mismatched couple and someone or something that could tear them apart with a paper-thin plot, too many secondary characters that add nothing, mildlt confusing ancillary events that go nowhere, and a big-lipped alligator moment or two, the HSM films come off as mildly enjoyable even though you know the plot is lacking and nearly non-existent, whereas Twilight comes off as dull and patently obvious the plot is lacking and nearly non-existent. The main problem, I think, is I don’t really see why Bella likes Edward as much as he likes her- it seems to me their relationship (what little there is) is domineering and give-and-take- in that Edward doesn’t give anything and only appears to be interested in taking Bella’s blood. Troy and Gabriella have as much personality as Edward and Bella, but at least they truly care for each other. Is this what young girls want in a boyfriend- what seems to me to be the vampric equivalent of a guy who only wants to marry to propogate his family line and have a suitable heir? Thank God Henry VIII wasn’t a vampire.
(P.S. Speaking as a twentysomething straight man, I think Jacob is much more attractive than Edward. If I were a girl who had to choose between two men who could easily kill me to fall in love with, I’d much rather be with a nice-looking werewolf who actually says nice things to me rather than an average-looking vampire whose advances come off as an emo-psychopathic version of Pepe Le Pew.)
Give Cinematic Titanic a try. It’s most of the rest of the MST3K cast and they do a more MST3K show. They have the silhouettes in front of the movie, they’ll stop the film at least once to do a short skit, and there’s a slight backstory at the beginning of each one.
I’m tempted to do a Rifftrax double-feature night with “Twilight” and “Glitter” but I don’t know if I can take so much sparkly horror.
I saw Twilight recently, and didn’t like it, but I tried watching a couple of scenes with Rifftrax on YouTube a couple days ago and, if anything, the commentary makes it dumber.
If anyone wants to see the plot of the movie without wasting so much time, visit Starz Bunny Club and watch their 30-second, animated bunnies version. Quite clever, and mercifully brief–and humorous, which the movie is not. No humor, no joy, no passion, no spark.
Twilight is bad, really bad, you just won’t believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly bad it is, you may think that the Star Wars Holiday Special, or Red Zone Cuba is bad, but that’s just peanuts to Twilight!
It’s almost Manos-level bad, yet I’m thinking of purchasing a copy (pre-viewed, of course) so I can enjoy the Rifftrax whenever I want, and I HATE that stupid Sparklepire movie and the mindless, thronging drones of twitards
I watched the sample on the Rifftrax website…there are no words for how bad that is. Even the riffs couldn’t detract from the suck. I mean, I thought David Boreanaz was an emo vampire, but he’s Mr. Self-Confidence next to that schmuck.
I actually sat there and said “Mitchell was better!” I wonder why we both picked that one–because it was so horrible?