Back before I did a lot of work on myself, I was often the crazy one in the relationship, although I managed to find plenty of crazies as well.
At the time I thought I was super smooth because of the success, but looking back it was cringeworthy. I did meet a fair number of normal, drama free women, I found them boring or they saw the red flags, changed their names, had plastic surgery and moved to isolated villages in remote mountains.
Fortunately, I found my sane, drama free wife, did a bunch of work to see why I was chasing the drama and understood what had happened.
Thank you, @CairoCarol. I won’t be there on Friday, but I’ll check the performance online.
I’ve thought about that, from the very first time she reappeared just before we met.
And I remember how frightened she seemed to be when we were together, constantly looking at her feet, speaking so softly I could barely hear her at first.
I see myself more as the naturally anxious type, constantly fretting about tiny details. But I do use learnt avoidance as a protection.
These problems seem external (she’s worried about being seen and judged by a judgemental culture / family / whatever), but they’re already strongly negatively affecting the relationship. That’s not going to be solved quickly or easily, especially if she’s has internalised any of it.
Just to say, I have a lot of sympathy and compassion for her based on your description, but it doesn’t sound as if a relationship would work for either of you.