That was, indeed, the exact plan.
This never came to pass, as she didn’t turn up.
I mean no disrespect, but here’s an observation:
You seem to have low self-esteem.
Why do I say this ? Well…
First of all, your handle is GuanoLad. I don’t know what you were thinking when you came up with this (for all I know you could be quite successful selling guano as fertilizer - you’re the Guano King of the Tri-State area), but it sounds like a euphemism for “shit boy” to me. This is probably not something you’d like to be called, but yet, you picked it out.
Secondly, you indicate that you’re an extremely nice, polite person. This is a GREAT quality to have, but is a symptom (no, not THE symptom) of low self-esteem. You could be this very nice person just because you’re in search of acceptance. I don’t think you should be mean, but perhaps you should be willing to disagree with someone - specifically, your date.
Have you ever noticed how real assholes seem to travel in packs ? Don’t be a real asshole, but realize that these people have obviously found acceptance by someone or a group without being overtly nice to them.
Thirdly, who the heck am I ???
I am a guy who is being forced to overcome low self-esteem. I took a job in sales about a year ago and it’s an adventure. I represent several semiconductor companies on the East Coast. I was only on the job for about a month before I realized that I wasn’t doing myself any favors. The designers I called on saw right through me. Honesty is good, but it doesn’t sell (ask Hitler).
However, confidence is something that must be built - so where to start? I faked it. I pretended I was exactly the answer they were looking for - even when I knew I was wrong. So what happened ? THEY ARGUED !!! “Not a good selling tactic”, you may be thinking. But, it started a dialog - AND THAT WAS THE IMPORTANT PART. Whether they liked me or not, they began to believe that I could help them, and that they needed me. Blah blah blah.
But you’re not selling semiconductors - you’re selling you. Me too. I am also thirty and single. Until recently, I hadn’t had a date in a little over two years. Once I forced myself to do my job, and saw it work, my confidence improved. Since January, I’ve dated 4 women, one that looks like it may go somewhere.
OK, so maybe this turned out to be an inspirational tale and you didn’t want that. Sorry. But I have been there - and I am now returning.
Give it a shot.
I’m the last person on earth to give advice in this department, but I am really sorry things didn’t work out for you Paul.
For the record, tex, though I do sort of have low self esteem (hence my first post - meaning, is it any wonder I do when this always happens to me?) the reason I call myself GuanoLad isn’t really a symptom of it.
I named myself after one of my comic characters, simply for convenience, and it has since stuck (it’s unique).
Buy a hooker.
Once you break that “speed of sound barrier” called The First Time, things may get easier.
And don’t say you don’t know where to get one. If getting laid is important to you as you say, you can find one… even in Australia.
Ladies, though probably not popular with you, this is an answer to his situation which can be implemented.
Well, now I know where I’m going to be in life in nine years. This all fits me very well. Always considerate of other people, and get walked all over for it. I think it’s important to be a considerate person, and have no intention of changing. On the plus side, I occasionally get hit on by guys, so maybe if I was gay I’d have better luck.
I think ChiefScott’s been out to sea for a little too long.
[true story]
I met this really nice guy, gave him my number and he called and asked me out. I gladly accepted. We went out and had a wonderful time. I really liked him. He wasn’t Mr. GQ gorgeous or Mr. Bodybuilder. He was just an average looking guy. But he was really sweet. He was a gentleman. He didn’t even try to kiss me goodnight on that first date, and although I was a bit disappointed because I wanted him to kiss me, I respected him for his politeness. I couldn’t wait to see him again.
Each time he called, I enthusiastically accepted his invitations. On our 4th date, we were sitting in the car talking and he asked me if I was really interested in him. (Can’t remember exactly how he phrased it). HUH?? Believe me, I have no problems sending out signals and I’d done everything to let this guy know I was interested, short of stripping naked and throwing myself at him. I asked him what would make him ask that and he said, “Well, we’ve been out 4 times now and we haven’t even kissed.”
Well DUH, maybe that’s because you haven’t kissed me yet!!!
So I said that to him. And you know what he did? HE KEPT ON TALKING ABOUT IT! I finally had to say to him, “would you just shut up and kiss me already???!!!” before I ever got a damn kiss out of the guy.
[/end true story]
GuanoLad, if you had said that you’d leaned over to kiss a dozen women and each and every one of them had slapped your face and completely rebuffed your advances, I might understand you being upset. But it sounds to me like you are a lot like that guy I dated and you haven’t even tried. Eventually, I got tired of him being so meek and gave up. You might be surprised how many women have wanted you to kiss them and you haven’t leaned in and planted one on them, leaving them wondering what they had done wrong.
Take Zette’s advice and next time just kiss the girl. That’s the best advice you’re going to get here. (Other than Chief’s, which, believe it or not, I also agree would be a big help to you. Once you get past the sexual frustration part, you might just be better able to focus on the simple dating and romance part without all the pressure about sex.)
Sex isn’t the problem. Seriously, I haven’t even gotten close to the kissing part. I have been on very few actual dates women seriously don’t appear to be interested.
Now I do admit that I am most likely blind to a lot of the signals. Or all of them. I haven’t a clue how I get past that one. This is assuming there are any signals, and there’s a possibility there aren’t.
I do not want to just ‘get laid’ as so many of you people crassly put it. That has never been the issue. I’m just trying to find someone to hang out with, that might lead to more.
There’s more to relationships than getting your end away, folks. (Though sadly it appears not many of you seem to realise that)
I hate to admit it but I agree with chief on this.
Get a professional, go upscale, whatever makes you more comfortable.
To be 30 and a virgin must become a bit of a fixation, to my mind.
I have seen a person, not unlike you have described above, completely changed by what had clearly become a real stumbling block and a bit of a obsession for him. She was a professional in a more sexually liberal society, in a foreign country. He was a good friend of mine, and he was transformed, literally by the sex. When we got back to this country, his family even commented to me about how much more confident and comfortable with himself he seemed since his return from his holiday, the best thing for him.
I’m sure it’s not a popular opinion.
I can sympatize.
Here’s a web site that may be of some help:
I hope it helps out.