I have a date on Wednesday

I really haven’t dated seriously in about 2ish years. Met some women, but really never pursued. Mostly cause I was burnt out. So I’m wading back in. Wish me luck, whatever that means.A lady I met on Tinder. We are going for Ice Cream. But I’m trying to set myself up for success…maybe with some important mantras for the encounter. What do you think?

  1. Just be yourself.
  2. Relax, it’s just a meeting
  3. If I get to spend one enjoyable hour with a lady, that’s a gift in itself. Anything more is a bonus.
  4. Listen and be respectful
  5. Breathe and just go with the flow.

I don’t know. Sound ok? I really am feeling weird about trying this whole thing again.

Well wishes accepted. I’m glad I have a date this week in summer. I’m a teacher, and I’ve been dreading the alone time i have this week. Next week I’m on a trip…this one is the tough one right now.

Good luck and remember your mantras! :slight_smile:

Good luck! I think ice cream sounds like a great idea btw!

Your mantras sound great. Success is for both of you to have an enjoyable time getting to know one another a bit. The rest just takes care of itself, regardless of what happens.

Don’t put any pressure on a single date. A single date is likely to lead to nothing, and that’s no big deal. Just try to be at ease as much as possible, and if it doesn’t work out, try again with someone else.

Good luck!

Offer to pay for the ice cream. Please try to remember what flavor she orders. This is going to be important, later.

I’m sorry but I’m not in that place anymore. I don’t know her at all yet. I’ll ask her if she will let me buy it, but I won’t impose that on her. And If she’s awesome and we connect, I’m going to trust the universe will make me remember the flavour of ice cream.

I’ve realized something recently. Or maybe it’s more like a new rule for myself, than a realization.

I’ve always had a problem with expecting too much, and being pushy. And with thinking that A is a promise of B. She flirts with me, that means that she must want to date me! She dates me, that means that she must want to kiss me! She kisses me, that means that she must want to have sex with me! She has sex with me, that means that she must wants to marry me, and we should be happy together forever!

You can see the problem there. By this logic, everyone who flirts with me should want to marry me, which doesn’t actually make a lick of sense. In reality, things progress in their own good time. So, here’s my realization, or my rule:

She likes me exactly as much as she likes me.

If she goes on a date with me, she likes me exactly that much.
If she kisses me, she likes me exactly that much.
If she has sex with me, she likes me exactly that much.

And so on. It helps me stop reading too much into things. It makes me a lot more relaxed.

Good luck!

Oh, BTW, there’s also a second rule/realization, concerning this:

I agree with this, but I’ve somehow often imagined it to mean the opposite. I’ve thought that it means, for instance, don’t behave nervously. Don’t say this, that or the other thing. Behave like your best possible self. I’ve ended up trying so hard to be myself, consciously, that I’ve not been myself at all, like a tennis player who chokes at the big game.

But no, it doesn’t actually mean any of that. It just means don’t pretend to be Brad Pitt, or lie about your name, address, level of wealth or penis size. It’s a much simpler rule than it seems.

Be yourself. If you’re nervous, that’s yourself. It’s fine. Being a bit nervous won’t lose you any points.

Tinder date, eh? Do you have alternate plans if she flakes?

Your 5 bullet points kind of align with the Abundance Mentality mindset (“Hey, I’m going to do something cool that I like, do you want to come along and have fun as well?”) which is a much better mindset than a “Nice Guy” outlook that turns off the ladies. Not sure if you want to go the whole “I am the prize” route (which I never can pull off well), but still better than being a simp.
Hope it works for you.

My mindset seems to come down to:

I’m so nervous that I’m shitting myself. But that is OK, so need to worry about it.
She likes me exactly as much as she likes me. So I’ll behave towards her as I would towards a person who likes me exactly that much.

Wait, maybe there’s more.

That should be a rule for life, I think. However, I’m not sure if it’s clear enough. Let’s rephrase it to: Don’t be a jerk. Same as on this board. Don’t be a jerk, or you’ll get a warning.

Now I have three bullet points. I need two more.

Well, it is what it is. But OK. The most important thing about meetings: Take a shower first, and show up on time.

Breathing is a good idea, or you’ll die. Let’s rephrase that too: Don’t die. Or, at least, try not to die. Hang on, there’s this line from a song I like, a bit like “good luck”: Safe travels, don’t die.

Let’s sum this up, in a more logical order.

How to go on dates:

  1. Take a shower first, and show up on time.
  2. Don’t be a jerk.
  3. It’s OK to be nervous.
  4. Don’t lie about your penis size.
  5. She likes you exactly as much as she likes you. No more, but on the plus side, also no less.

And an encouraging send-off:

Safe travels, don’t die!

BTW, I really should stress this:

I used to sweat about job interviews. “What if they don’t like me?” The best advice I ever got was: “You got an interview, dumbass. That means that they already like you.”

OK, final reworking, promise. Sorry about the multiposting, but I didn’t realize when I started this that I was elaborating a philosophy.

How to go on dates (final version):

  1. Take a shower first, and show up on time.
  2. Don’t be a jerk.
  3. It’s OK to be nervous.
  4. If you have a huge penis, feel free to talk about it.
  5. She already likes you.

Safe travels, don’t die!

There. All set.

Skip #4 altogether if you want to see her again! Good luck, Quasi!

You know it always worked better for me to leave the huge penis off the discussion list for the 1st date. Seemed to work better when they discovered it on their own. Just saying.

I think you should keep in mind the woman could be going through the same thing
as you right now . I agree you should just be yourself and look at this more as just going out for ice cream with a woman than a ‘date’ . The word ‘date’ put a lot of pressure on how a person should act . Good luck . :slight_smile:

Woman here. DO NOT MENTION YOUR PENIS ON THE FIRST DATE (and probably not on the second or third either). Do not mention sex at all until she gets to know you and like you. Women are not nearly as impressed with male junk as some men seem to think. It’s fairly easy for us to see it or touch it if we want to. And, most likely, you are nothing special in that area.

Many men do not understand the simple fact that women are human beings, just like men. If you try to make a big deal out of yourself or a big deal out of the woman, it’s weird and creepy. A man and woman having ice cream is not a world-shaking event. Enjoy what it is and who both of you are.

To expand on this, be actively curious, ask questions, delve, (but don’t interrogate!).

Don’t strive to be interesting, strive to be interested!

But then how am I supposed to impress her? I ain’t rich. I ain’t educated. I sure as heck ain’t charming or good looking. This huge schlong is all I have, lady.

This is why, when I take someone out on a first date, we always go assassinating important heads of state. It gets the adrenaline up, and there’s nothing like running away from a giant manhunt for a bonding experience.

Not that i know anything, but #4 sounds like a good way to end date 1 fast and avoid date 2 ever happening?