Go into it just wanting to be yourself and have an enjoyable time, meeting someone new. Go in knowing, no matter how it goes, (even sideways from Sunday), you’ll be okay with that, remain happy and just move on to whatever comes next. Because you will, in fact do exactly that!
For a mantra I would lean towards, “I’m giving myself permission to just relax and be cool!” This is pretty effective for people who tend to ‘get in their own way’, just give yourself permission, in advance, to not screw it up. (You may be surprised to discover this actually works!)
Wishing you great Good Luck! (I think you’ll do just fine!)
You know, this sounds like good advice. But I have a some issues with it in practice. It seems to either fall into “behave in a certain way to make her like you, i.e, get her into the sack” territory. Or, otherwise, it’s advice for obnoxious people who only like to talk about themselves, and frankly, I don’t want to give those people advice to help them reproduce.
Frankly, I’ve come to the conclusion, although YMMV, that my date is exactly as interesting to me as she is. If we have a good conversation, we have a good conversation. Otherwise, maybe we shouldn’t be dating. Conversation quality is a great gauge of chemistry. If you’re trying to fake it, you’re missing out on information.
Besides, if I do want to get the lady into the sack, I tend to find that the things she say automatically become interesting. So it usually takes care of itself. In fact, if I’m not sure if I’m interested in someone, I can reverse-engineer the whole dilemma this way. Do I want to take things further with this lady? Well, do I find her interesting? If no, then no.
For rule #4 I’d definitely go with the listening and not the huge penis version. Nothing says creepy quite so much as your date leaning forward, gazing into your eyes, and whispering “I have a yuuuuuge schlong.” I’m guessing you already know that though.
Sadly, I’ve been on many first (and only) dates where the guy did find it necessary to discuss his penis – or show photos of it – or whip out the real thing. :eek:
BTW, I don’t think it’s a good idea *not *to strive to be interesting. There’s nothing wrong with being interesting. Sitting in your parents’ basement playing computer games isn’t a great strategy for life. But there’s *being *interesting, and then there’s talking about how interesting you are. Maybe I’m being persnickety, but I really think this is super important.
Being interesting is the training pitch, not the match. You climb Mount Everest, have a career, or find yourself in the possession of some very large male-specific anatomy, on the training pitch. Then you go to the match, and don’t think about any of it. It’ll come out eventually. No penis pun intended.
You’ve had guys whip out their dicks on a first date? Really?! I think part of the problem is the type of guys you are attracted to. Because that is not normal behavior at all.
It’s called hedging. She’ll remember your appearance if you’re a looker. If you’re ugly, then maybe she’ll remember that you’re funny, and that you smell good. As to the dick whipping part, never heard it done.
Now, if the first date is meant for the sole purpose of having sex, my own experience tells me to come clean-looking and relaxed, but cut the crap about anything else. Invite her to go with you to your apartment or hotel within 10 minutes of meeting up. Talking about yourself or whipping anything out is just a waste of time.
I was 41 when I got back into the dating scene. I made one big change from when I was younger. I decided it was at least as important that I liked them as it was that they liked me. My goal for each date was to have a nice time with good company. I really enjoyed the process of getting to know each other with no facades. A little bit of self deprecation at the right times, be a good listener. No bragging.
In all my years of dating and hooking up with women, that’s a question that never ever came up. What would there be to lie about? Eventually they were going to see it and could judge for themselves.
