Just hope they don’t make you give up your addiction to dope - the Straight Dope that is! 
Congrats on identifying an option and following thru. You are already ahead of the vast majority of people who just talk and talk…
I was one of those who just talked and talked. For about two years. I’ve had enough.
Sleestak, I read all of your posts and I thank you! It makes me feel better and even more hopeful then before.
Honestly, I don’t think I realized the impact on trust this must have had on my fiance. I have a lot of work ahead of me to gain it back. I feel so, so horrible about what I’ve done to him. He yelled and cursed at me last night when I asked him how he feels about all this and I just stood there and took it because I deserve it and need to hear it. I just want to have a healthy life and a healthy relationship and move on. With him, hopefully.
Or without. As long you go on sober.
I hope it works out for you, EmAnJ. It might help you to consider, as much anger as he might have, he’s sticking around and helping you. Don’t discount actions.
Just keep on as you’ve begun.
I just joined a new team, we’re going to be spending the next 8 months (if not more) in Glasgow - we’re from Northern Spain. We got lucky, so far we’re liking each other. The boss mentioned that she’s a coeliac, so we’re taking it into account when proposing restaurants (pizza is definitely out, for example); this made my “I don’t drink” (not alcoholic, I just don’t drink) much easier than with other groups, as well as “I get dizzy easily but 99% of the time it gets solved by a handful of salty peanuts”; another coworker mentioned that she’s allergic to some common medication, so if she gets sick we’ll tell that to the medics. Sharing that level of medical info isn’t something any of us would normally do with a bunch of new coworkers, but we will be each other’s medical contacts by default for almost a year, so it was sort of required. If you do end up going to the trip, your friend should be willing and able to have your back about not drinking - so, I think it was a Good Thing you told her.
Many times both parties go through a type of mourning period. You will go through a mourning period for the booze, and he will go through a mourning period for the way you were when you were drunk. I know it sounds odd, but you’ll see what I mean when you get involved in a program. You will have a lot fo firsts, in your first week, month, year…and you will hopefully find out what a pink cloud is as you ride high one it. But remember, we only get a daily reprieve - that’s it. So try to stay in the day or the hour, or the minute. It get’s easier over time. And as your fiance see’s the color and shine come back to your eyes I hope you two can have a long-lasting loving foundation. Good luck at the “country-club” 
and find a meeting list before you leave there. Have strength you are not alone. 
::: post snipped::
EmAnJ, I am glad that my posts gave you some hope. I remember the bleak, hopeless condition I was in when I got sober and did it ever suck. I also remember a time when I’d read A.A. stories from the big book while drinking and cry because I wanted what they had yet I was unable to quit. Man, was I fucked up.
Getting clean and sober is a process. Part of that process is learning how to live without drinking. Another part is repairing the relationships with the people who matter in your life. The first part is hard. The second part, at least in my case, was harder.
It is a tough path but the alternative is worse. The thing is that if you stay on the path you’ll find that one day you’ll realize that this long hard path you’ve taken somehow changed along the way. You’ll wake up and find that a miracle has occurred and the path that was so arduous has become one of joy, rather than pain. And when that day happens, when you see the results of your hard work and struggle and life has become a joy again, it is amazing.
Slee
The promises *do * come true. I agree it’s amazing.
Slee- I’m at work and unable to read all these for now, but I did read your two year and wanted to (belatedly) thank you for sharing that. I just celebrated two years clean and sober last month so it was very meaningful for me.
Chao- check you out, helping the newcomer. Awesome! 
Glad you’re continuing to do well, and already reaching out the hand to others. Never underestimate the value of your sharing…when I had 21 hours the person who had 21 days seemed a lot more real and understandable than the person with 21 years because I couldn’t grok long term sobriety or the hundreds of acronyms and catch-phrases the long-termers used. Speaking plainly from a fresh perspective is invaluable, please keep sharing!
EmAnJ- You hit bottom when you decide to put down the shovel. It took me 20 years to realize I was digging my own hole and could stop and climb out whenever I was ready. Welcome to the rest of your life!
Thank you guys for the continued support!
So the meeting I had at 1 went well. I have a doctors’ appointment on Saturday and will get my medical leave and a full physical. I have an appointment tomorrow (I’m just waiting to hear back from them, hopefully) to go for an interview with a women’s’ only care facility and there is unfortunately a waiting list (end of May).
In the meantime, I will be going to a morning program (9 - 11:30) all next week, followed by two weeks of day treatment (9 - 4) at the same facility. The fiance is going to some workshops as well over the next few weeks.
I’m scared of the residential facility part. The councillor told me it’s SIX WEEKS. I don’t know if I can do that long. I was ok with a month…
I feel better, but overwhelmed and really apprehensive right now.
My own experience was with an inpatient psychiatric ward, but it had a number of alcoholics and drug addicts, so I feel confident that certain things will be common to most experiences. Before you go in, a couple of things to consider:
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Find out ahead of time what the contact rules are. Some places will insist on no contact directly with the patient, others will have less strict rules. If you’re expecting phone calls every night, or so, and you find out after you’ve gotten in that they won’t allow that… you’ll be even more stressed. It may be that all you’ll be allowed for unsupervised communcations are letters. (Not packages, just letters) So, be prepared for that. I would expect phone contact to be limited, and cell phones and internet are verbotten.
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Six weeks seems like a really long time, but you’re going to be wrung out and exhausted most of the time. It’s going to feel like getting up, going to be beaten on (emotionally) by ten people, and the only respite from that will be meal times and when you’re helping to beat on someone else. It’s emotionally and intellectually draining work, and after your day is done you’re probably going to veg out for a bit, then find yourself going to sleep an hour or three before your normal time. The upside to this is that you will find that the time flies.
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Unless you’re really, really lucky you’re going to be facing institutional food. My advice would be to ask the intake people if you can bring in a sealed bottle of some kind of flavoring. (My choice was tobasco.) It’s a bit of a hassle, esp. since in my experience they had to maintain custody of it while you were in, only letting you have it at mealtimes. I even had to have a prescription for it.
But, there’s a lot to be said for being able to add flavor to institutional food.
- I don’t know how much experience you have, yet, with group therapy situations. If you’re not familiar with it, it’s going to be intimidating. But how much benefit you get from it is going to be directly related to how much you’re willing to open up, and how honest you’re willing to be. Don’t be a wall-flower while you try to get used to it. You can’t. Just jump right in. It’s hard work, and wrenching. And you’ll only have so much time to work on things.
Once again, good luck, and keep working on it!
My greatest fear is to face life without alcohol. I’m sure you are afraid, I wish I had the courage to take this step that you are about to go through.
Please keep us updated…it might help me as well.
Good luck. AA and AlAnon can be great helps for alcoholics and those around them. So can get all the friends and family and others onboard with you for this project that you can.
>Funny enough, they’re introducing our new Drug and Alcohol Policy this afternoon…
Now, this is interesting. Often, when programs like this are rolled out, there is also an aura of management support and enthusiasm for making it work, which could mean there’s never a better time to put their offerings to use!
I hope for all the best for you!
-sober 21.5 years
Wow - it’s nice to know there are a lot of tribal elders or granite pillars as I like to call them, I sometimes hear Old-Timers too…hanging out on the boards.
I actually decided against going through this new policy.
Although they can’t discriminate, gossip is another form of discrimination that could ruin my career, and one of the main guys in HR that is administrating this new policy is a gossipy blabber mouth and would surely tell someone (I’ve been privy to some very juicy gossip at work because of his loose lips). I don’t want to ruin my reputation, so we’re doing it outside, through a family doctor, and just specifying ‘short term disability leave for unspecified reasons’. By law I don’t have to tell them anything.
People will probably think I have cancer or something.
I had that fear too, real bad.
Now I can only think of all the horrors that my drinking alcohol would bring back into my life. 
It’s true for me that my worst day sober is still better than my best day drunk.
EmAnJ, my last residential treatment (nearly 18 years ago now) was 5 months long. It was definitely worth spending the time to break the cycle.
Prior to that, anything I put ahead of my sobriety (needing to get back to work, not wanting to be away from my family, not wanting to spend the money or go into debt to do the treatment) I ended up losing or putting at risk anyway. Lost the job and the money, but fortunately not the family (by a whisker).
Getting sober rarely ruins one’s reputation.
I worried about this a lot too, especially being in the medical profession. But it was just easier to do it, let 'em talk, and get it out of their systems. There’s always more current gossip about someone else for them to move on to.
And as long as I stayed sober, my reputation only improved over time.
There is a saying around my area:
You can save your ass or your face. Which is more important?
Oh I’m still going! I’m just going a different medical route to get there!
Hmmm…I have an issue with alcohol as well. Stand back, it might be catching.
And good luck, OP. Addictions are a motherfucker. I hope tomorrow finds you well, employed and one or more days sober.