I, <insert name here>, being of sound mind and body

Reading Tequila’s will in the Serial Killer thread prompted me to start this thread. Along with wanting to make sure all my worldly possessions go to the Dopers most in need of them, I also wanted to make sure that every OTHER Doper had the opportunity to do the same. (Ok, ok… and I wanted to see what other goodies I might get if another serial killer pops up in our neighborhood!!! :smiley: )

So, being of [sub]somewhat[/sub] sound mind and [sub]less than[/sub] sound body, I do hereby bequeth the following:

Tequila Mockingbird - My favorite purple vibrator, modified for extra power, and a list of all the coolest graveyards I’ve visited, with the request that when you go to them, you find the nearest sushi bar and have one for me.

blessedwolf - All my deviant sex toys (the whips, the chains, the handcuffs) and anything you can use off of my desk to give you pleasure. Just remember to scream my name.

UncleBill - My collection of NASCAR memoriabilia and the “Merge Here” sign from above my head

Crunchy Frog - My collection of erotic writings, to use as you see fit. After all, you ARE trying to write a novel. Maybe it will help provide inspiration.

Scralden - the keys to my chat room. You are now in charge.

lurkernomore - the phone that I used that time when… well, you know. blush And all of the rest of my toys (those not bestowed upon blessedwolf and Tequila Mockingbird) Find a beautiful woman to use them on. I know you will!

And with that, I must run off to work! :smiley: So who’s next? What other goodies do you have to dole out?!!

I have my life-size Antonio Banderas blow up doll [with real genitalia!] to give away to whoever wants it…

Well, I have three empty Coke cans, a couple of unpaid parking tickets, and some used belly button lint that I’ll gladly share with some lucky Doper. No? Are you sure? It’s Grade-A quality belly button lint. Okay, if you’re absolutely sure about it…

I forgot two very important things to bestow in my rush to not be late to work.


lurkernomore - My copy of the video of Tequila and I in the graveyard during that road trip

Crunchy Frog - My video collection. You know, the one that’s hiding all the way at the back of my video cabinet… Enjoy and think of me fondly.
Now that REALLY should be it. I promise. :slight_smile:

I have the following to whoever wants it:

  1. My Big Assed Beer Glass as seen on the PeoplePages.

  2. My NJ Devils Hockey Jersey as featured in the NYC Dopefest.

  3. Copyrights to all of my Dope Writings, even the ones I didn’t publish (ie my Ode to the Snow Shovel, and “O How I Loathe thee, skunked Thai beer”).

  4. Several batches of homebrewed beer, that I don’t know is any good or not.
    All I ask is the following should you get there first:

  5. I need a new truck. Please leave money.

  6. Your stereo/DVD player/etc.

  7. Access to your Swiss bank account in Zurich . . .

  8. Unfettered and unrestricted access to your beach house.

Thank you.


leave all my wordly belongings (namely a run down car and chipped Playstation) to my dog.

Cos you can’t take it with you.

[sub]If I’m wrong, and you can take it with you, then my dog can just sod off. :)[/sub]

I want the hockey jersey, Trip! :slight_smile:

Hrm. I leave:

  • my Rush CD collection to Coldfire, even though I know he probably has half of 'em anyway.

  • My Dave Matthews collection to Flypper. Enjoy!

  • The keys to SD chat to Silver Fire.

  • My basement to Max Torque. :wink: