I was trying to make a local call that didn’t go through, so I called my mother, to touch base and to see if my phone service was in good order. We talked for a couple minutes and then she started crying. She told me that usually she’s fine but there are days when she finds herself particularly missing my dad. Today is one of those days.
I feel like shit.
Talking to her child should have helped; am I missing something?
If you are, then so am I. I feel like my call triggered her episode (for lack of a better word).
It was probably your call that allowed her to let out pent-up grief. Your call was a good thing, I’m sure it helped, don’t feel bad. I know this because of my own experience after my husband died: I hadn’t cried at all, but when my sister called me a few weeks later, the dam broke.
But I’ll be she was still glad to hear from you. It’ll be okay, and she’ll still smile later because you called.
You didn’t make her cry. She needed to cry, and she didn’t want to be all alone doing it. Crying alone is lonely. Crying when there is someone who cares about you on the other end of the phone is comforting. Maybe give her another call this weekend to let her know you are thinking about her? I’m sure she’d greatly appreciate that.
This. And in general, when you’re grieving, tears come at the oddest moments.
Sounds like a positive outcome to me too. After my mom died, just being with my dad would on occasion trigger crying spells for one or both of us. Not fun, but very therapeutic, and safe. I was the only person who felt the loss anywhere as strongly has he did.
Your voice sounded just like his, Otto, the same timbre, the same inflections, it sounded to your mom like she was talking to your dad.
Love, Phil
Don’t feel bad. It’s good for your mum to have you, I’d bet, and I bet talking to you was a blessing for her.
Those days happen. And better they happen with a son who’s around, even on the phone, than with no one around.
Otto, don’t feel like shit. Your mom needs to talk, and maybe you do to. Grieving is an unusual situation to deal with. Your mom needs to grieve in her way. It is good that she is expressing her emotions. Call her when you can and see if she is ok. If she needs to cry, it is not because you made her cry. Her emotions made her cry. Her loss made her cry. She is having a normal reaction to an important loss in her life.
I hope you are doing well dealing with this. If you need to, PM me.
SSG Schwartz
Myself and one of her friends are about the only people with whom Mom feels comfortable enough to grieve about Dad. It’s kind of a compliment, that she feels comfortable enough with you to cry on your shoulder.