This is not terribly important, but it is bothering me, and I can’t make up my mind.
I have a friend whose girlfriend broke up with him a couple of weeks ago. He is taking it very hard, especially because she won’t quit leading him on and flirting with his best friends right in front of him.
I really don’t feel anything romantic for this guy, but he is one of my good friends, and I’m thinking about sending him a flower on Valentine’s Day. He’s the kind that would really like this sort of gesture, but I’m torn about it.
Would you want a flower from a friend of yours if you’d been depressed for awhile?
I really need some replies, because if I’m going to send him one, I have to get it soon.
You know he’d appreciate it and you know he’s depressed. I don’t understand why you are torn. Is it because you think he might misinterpret your intentions? The simple solution to that is open communication. Tell him that you don’t like seeing him sad and you want to help. Cards are often sent with flowers for a reason. Any gift you give him is a symbol of your support and concern for him, right? I see nothing wrong with that.
I’m not much for flowers, but I do appreciate when my friends indicate their awareness of my moods. Just knowing that someone is thinking about me and wants to help makes me feel much less alone. When I receive a gift from a concerned friend, I have something tangible to remind me that I am not alone.
Get together with him and a few of your in-common friends (couples are fine as long as they don’t insist on mauling each other just cuz it’s Feb 14th). Rent some movies, play board games, order pizza, drink a few beers, have fun. DO NOT BE ANYWHERE NEAR HIS EX and don’t permit her name to be mentioned.
But flowers will be a nice touch. Cut the stems really short before you send them to him and note on the card that you sent the stems to his ex. It’s a nice gesture of solidarity that he can have a laugh about and not take the wrong way.
When I was going through my divorce, a male co~worker gave me a little bunch of silk flowers. I thought it was sweet. I’ve bought flowers for male (and female) friends’ birthdays, or hospital stays & such.
Perhaps you could word the card carefully, to defuse any romantic notions this guy might have?
He’s on rebound right now, you are risking leading him on.
You’re better off taking him out on V-day (strictly as friends, and make sure he understands that) and talking to him about his girlfriend, seriously. Tell him that he should cut off communication with his ex, or he’ll NEVER get over her.
The correct break-up gift for a guy is beer. If you want to provide a flower or card, fine. But the beer is the important thing. He should drink until he rants and raves about the girl and then when he stops he will hopefully have a hangover that will dwarf any break-up pain.
By the way, it should not be imported beer. The cheaper the better. This is not about tasted. This is about pain killing.
If he does not puke, he is not drinking enough.
I’m not sure what psychology text I got this from, but it always worked for me and my friends.
Actually, damn near any time at all is the right time to give a guy beer (well, probably not while he’s driving ;)). There are exceptions, however, like those rare and puzzling individuals who claim not to like beer.
I’m with TV time on this one. Giving him the opportunity to literally “cry in his beer” is what he needs; give it to him with a goofy, cheery card. It’s good to for him to know he has friends who care, and beer is a safe gift, ie. it won’t lead him on. Then crack one with him, and let him talk it out. He’ll thank you for it later, believe me.
I’d have to agree with some of the others in here. A flower would be okay, but take him out too. A flower alone is possibly an invitation. Take him out, get him loaded, and talk about it all. Try to get him to ignore her, talk about what a bitch she is, how he’ll make some girl very happy, etc… do the friend thing to follow up the flower. Times like this, a guy needs a friend. A flower alone can be buying trouble for yourself, and ultimately him too. If you aren’t up for taking him out, then I would go with a card along with a bottle of whatever he drinks, nix the blossom.
The flower idea is really nice. However, given the state of mind that your friend is in, it could be (and in my opinion, would be) misconstrued.
The card is a great idea. Take him out to lunch. Let him know that you’re there if he needs to talk.
Just be careful. It sounds like he’d latch onto any girl that should happen to be available. Not because he’s that kind of guy, but because he’s hurt, confused, and looking for “any port in a storm.”