I just received the most hateful message of my life on Facebook and it got to me.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

This post probably reflects greatly upon my own insecurities and immaturities (new word!), but here goes anyway:

I met a girl in September. Said girl had a boyfriend. She broke up with him briefly, and we flirted. She got back together with him, but we continued flirting. Said flirting escalated until she broke up with that boyfriend, but she didnt feel comfortable dating me. After a week, she returned to said boyfriend and cut off contact with me. This is now mid-October.

Since then we’ve bumped into each other a few times. It was hard but things were going well. Fast-forward to New Years. She sends me a e-card, and I request Facebook friend status again with “it’s a new year, so how about we have a new start. Let’s be friends again.” No response from her, which sucks but oh well; I can live with it.

I get this message in my inbox at 11PM tonight, from her ostensibly.

“Get a life. Lose weight, shave your stupid ass goatee, and get a job. Maybe then you could find a gf? Thanks.”

Now, I realize this was her from her boyfriend, and I also realize it is an amazingly stupid series of insults and lines, but God help me, between my feelings for her and the beers I had tonight, it really really hurt. It got me good. I don’t have very thick skin, so yeah it might have made me tear up a bit.

20 minutes later I’m starting to feel better, but damn… that was a sucker punch. I don’t blame him to be honest. I mean, I forgive him for his anger and hate towards me. My actions with his girlfriend caused him much more pain than this, so he’s within his rights to be a bit nasty. Still, it’s been 3 months since then… there was no reason for him to send such a hateful message.

My first reaction was to tell her through e-mail what kind of message he sent me, but on second thought I think that’s a stupid, childish idea. I might ask her casually in a few days something along the lines of, “oh, i got this weird message from you. Did you send this?” but I would certainly not mention her boyfriend. Even though this latest occurrence was just another event in a long series of reasons why I feel strongly that she’s dating a horrible person, it’s NOT my place to say such things. She’s an adult and can handle this on her own, especially as my advice is no longer wanted.

As for how I know it’s not from her, well, we talked on MSN and interacted long enough for me to know that even if she hated me, she would not write in that style.

So, that’s about it. It’s stupid melodrama, but writing about it made me feel better. Comment away, but please be nice. I’m a bit bruised at the moment :frowning:

2

Aww, that sucks… gives friendly shoulder punch

How about you reply with the original message quoted, saying something like “Gee, you weren’t so damned critical the last time you sucked my cock” and see what kind of a fox that sets amongst the hens?

Yes, I know you won’t do this and I know why and I actually agree it’s a terrible idea–but then again, it’s kinda funny to think what the reaction would be, don’tcha think? :stuck_out_tongue:

3

Your goatee isn’t that bad.

4

To have had any hope of working things out, your best option would have been to respond in kind. She sends a card, you send a card back. You jumped right past all the niceties and pushed too far and got caught. Again.

I’d say to leave her alone, but you haven’t, so you probably won’t.

Look after yourself.

5

I did send a card back, and a few days later I sent a facebook request, which to me is not really that big a deal. I’m not here to argue so that’s all I’ll say. Thanks for the advice though… while brusque, it is appreciated.

6

You have my sympathies - I know very well how that feels.

The same kind of thing happened to me : the jealous boyfriend apparently snooped through her logs of our chats (which, BTW, were mostly innocent - I’m definitely not a suitor, even though we mock-flirt sometimes) and then passed himself as her on MSN. He started off by a non sequitur : “I’ve been thinking about us lately and I don’t want to talk to you ever again. Goodbye.” which, from a longtime friend crushes your stomach something fierce.

Not wanting to let “her” go, I prodded further and after a few rounds of “no, I won’t explain. GOODBYE NOW” he proceeded to spew the most hurtful shit, laying the blows right into the vulnerabilities I’d shown her. Rotten bastard was so good at it, I didn’t even trust my friend when she later told me someone’d nicked her passwords and it took the longest time for us to rebuild that trust…

7

Let’s see – get a job, lose some weight, get a life. Yeah, those suggestions are just way out of line and won’t do anything at all to improve one’s situation…

8

You confused me with this: first saying it was from her, then it was from her boyfriend, then you aren’t sure, then you know it’s not her.

If it was from her, I can understand your reaction, sorta - but you were sitting there thinking it was from another man who you were actively competing with for the affections of this girl and his lame insult made you cry? Did you not get the memo that men are territorial in this regard? I see why she’s with him and not with you, shitty insults notwithstanding. Yeah yeah, “the other guy” is always a horrible and evil person and he doesn’t deserve her because he doesn’t respect her like you would! But the fact is if you sent him a message telling him to fuck off, he probably wouldn’t have cried.

9

Î Agreed.

If this is new to you, hell, even if you’re a veteran; is this really the type of girl you want to get with? Forget them both, they’re shitty people.

10

Huh. Screw that.

I’ve been reflecting on what on earth a 50-year-old matron* half way around the world could say that might cheer you up, and the answer is “probably not much.” And I don’t do that hug thing with the {{{{}}}}} although if I did, I’d send some your way.

Anyway, I’m really pissed that someone would hurt you like that. You deserve better.

(*)Full disclosure: I don’t for a minute think of myself as matronly.

11

Auto, I don’t know if you know this but I think you’re a pretty cool guy. You’re funny, [relatively] uninhibited, full of life and an all-around good guy as far as I can tell.

But, I suspect that it wasn’t simply the message that got to you and made you tear up. Please forgive me if I’m wrong, but I’m thinking that maybe the message hit a little too close to home…at least in your own mind.

If you feel inside that you do indeed need to lose some weight, perk up your looks, and get some sort of job while you study (you are in school, right), than I’d respectfully suggest that the psychic payoff for doing so would make the effort worthwhile.

I know that it doesn’t bother me at all if someone accuses me of being something I’m not; it’s water off a duck’s back and I can laugh at them. But if they criticize me for a shortcoming that I myself may feel I have, then it becomes more problematical.

I would suggest that you work on getting all your ducks in a row. Work on your appearance, work to get good grades (if you’re in school, that is), work to make enough money to take care of the things you need to take care of in order to have your life in order (including an appropriate cushion in the bank for emergencies), and then, even if it takes years, I think you’ll find yourself going through life with a very attractive confidence and sense of self-sufficiency that will not only help you get the girl (whoever she may turn out to be), but to live happily and get the very most out of life while you’re at it.

12

Auto - I’ve seen pics of you and I don’t think you have anything to worry about in the looks department (although I appreciate I’m not your target demographic). Maybe you could stand to lose some weight, maybe not, it really has to be down to you to decide that. Maybe the goatee looks stupid, maybe it doesn’t, again it’s your facial hair so you get to choose which.

Whatever you decide about these things, you can’t let comments like that make you re-evaluate your worth as a person. There are people in life who won’t like you and will say unpleasant things (some of which will be true, some won’t) and you have to be clear that as long as you’re doing the best you can then their words don’t make you a bad person. Those words are about the person who said them, not about you. If you’re worried that they might be true then you get to decide what (if anything) you do about them. But be clear that you’re doing it for you, rather than to banish the spectre of hurtful comments.

All of that aside, I’m sorry that happened to you and that you’ll feel better after having slept on it (it being your night time now). In the cold light of the morning it may be a good idea to think again about maintaining a friendship with someone who is this inconsistent, particularly if they have an aggressive boyfriend (I’m undecided if that comment was from her or him, either way it isn’t very good).

xxx

13

I’m not convinced that the message wasn’t from her. You’re being too sensitive about this. Where’s your anger? These people are assholes, both of them… you should delete them from your life forever.

Keep some dignity… do not “ask her casually” “i got this weird message from you. Did you send it.” If you really want to know, don’t pussy foot around it. Confront her directly. But you’re probably just better off never talking to her again.

Good luck, dude.

14

Some of us like goatees.

15

Even stupid ass ones?

16

I like this. I was thinking more, “But you said you loved the way it tickled your inner thighs!” :stuck_out_tongue: < 8 O-:

Bottom line, you’re a threat to him and he lashed out at you for it. If he was such a great bf she wouldn’t bother looking for anybody else. If the danger of you taking her away had passed, he wouldn’t bother sending you a message like that.

I’d be concerned about any info you might have sent her that he may have intercepted, especially if it told where you live etc. I’d hate to have some raving lunatic at my door. In that sense, giving her a heads up seems to be in order.

17

Goatees are all well and good, but I draw the line at ass goatees, especially the stupid ones.

…oh… wait… nevermind. :smiley:

Seriously, Auto, I’d just walk away from this girl. It’s pretty obvious she loves the drama, and it’s equally obvious that her BF doesn’t want you in the picture since he sees you as a threat… and I wouldn’t necessarily discount the possibility that she’s not discouraging him from seeing you in that way, since a lot of girls (especially young dumb ones who don’t know better yet) mistake jealousy for affection.

18

This probably isn’t what you’re looking for, but between September and mid-October she was dating the guy, then broke up with him, then flirted with you, then got back with him, then flirted with you, then broke up with him again, then flirted with you again, and now she’s back with him?

She’s a flake. Write them both out of your life and buck up.

19

I agree. This is not somebody who should be in your life. You haven’t worked out your feelings for her and she sounds like she’s willing to string you along. (If the message really is from her, she’s a schizoid jerk.) Just drop the whole thing and don’t pick at this scab. If her boyfriend got the last message he could get the next one, too.

20

My son has just been through a similar situation recently and we are still off balance because of it.

He and his girlfriend of three years broke up. He was sad and wanted to continue to have contact. She would occasionally answer his text or even met up with him a couple of times but they never got back together.

Then she started dating a psycho. Not only did the new guy start threatening physical harm against mty son, he called my home and informed my husband that he has a gun and will use it if my son ever contact his ex again.

She had some things that belonged to my son and he requested them back which they said they would mail. Nothing came. Now honestly, my son loved this girl and I think he used that as an excuse to continue calling her and asking about it. Often the psycho would answer her phone.

Fortunately, it managed to die down on its own. (He never did get his things back but managed to write them off) In my opinion, the real antagonist of the situation was the girlfriend who needed to feel wanted by two men and make the new boyfriend jealous. He wouldn’t have access to her email if she hadn’t given it to him. She is using you just like my son’s ex used him.

Stay away from the drama.