Get off your high-horse [b]Rubystreak[/b], and go fuck yourself.

[Autolycus]

And awaaaaaaay we go,
Rubystreak, fuck yourself long, and fuck yourself hard. If you need help, my wooden ladel is always at your disposal.

For the unaware, all vitriol originally courtesy of this thread about buttsex. Rubystreak initially shows some brusque but seemingly well-intentioned advice about my drinking issue; however, things quickly take a turn for the worse.

Let’s take some snippets from that discussion so I can proceed to take some big steamy shits all over them. I’ll refute them too of course.

For convenience, all quotes unless otherwise noted are from Rubystreak.

I have to say, while this thread is not the new low for the SDMB, it’s definitely the recent low. The phrase “attention whore” comes to mind, as well as thoughts that the OP has so many different, major problems it’s hard to think of which to mention first. I do so wish that samclem had moved this thread to the Pit rather than MPSIMS, 'cause unlike the OP, I’m going to restrain myself.

Care to elucidate on my ‘many different, major problems’ ? That’s really sweet of you to try to help me in the most mean yet ineffective way possible. Hey you know what? Here’s a pinecone. You know where to stick it. Dont worry about restraining yourself, you hypocritical mass of stinking maggots.

I don’t think it’s out of line at all. What do you expect in a thread like this, bunnies and butterflies? You post very personal, often prurient, always puerile excerpts from your personal life here regularly, rather often referring to your drinking misadventures, which is clearly a big problem. You seem to be soliciting comments/attention, any kind will do, which I also think points to a problem. Your list of things you’ve shoved up your ass was the ultimate TMI.

Round Two: Ding ding ding! Go get 'em Rocky! Ok, for starters, if you ACTUALLY gave a rat’s ass about me, you would know that I am indeed getting help for my drinking. Also, this story and the TMI attached all happened over a year ago. Oh, but of course maybe asking me politely for information or PMing me with your worries woulud be too fucking considerate for your venomous tongue. Snake. Worm. Republican! (hey this is the Pit, might as well take a few pot shots ;)).

As for the TMI, why the hell are you bothering to read it? Oh but wait, you answered my question for me.

Can you ignore a thread title about buttsex? It’s a pretty provocative title for MPSIMS, you must admit. I opened it without seeing who the OP was, and by then it was too late. I do plan to ignore him from now on. A Pit thread? Not worth the effort.

Can you? Yes. Would you? Naawwwww. Fucktard. Verminiferous douchebag. Ok, let’s see If I have the order of events right.

1)I post a provocative title that doesn’t jive with your sensibilities
2) you read it
3) you criticize me for apparently forcing you to read it
4) some people take your side, some people take my side
5) you flip out and call me an asshole

All that, and yet I’m the one with my head up my ass. Also, you probably wont even reply to this thread, since you finally woke up and smell your own shit and decided to ignore me. You know… I’m a little sad… Now I wont be able to benefit from your warm, kind, loving advice. I just might fall off the wagon without your guidance :rolleyes:

But wait, there’s still more! Act now and we’ll throw in one extra quote free. Yes that’s right Dopers, call now 1-800-Fuck-Off and I’ll add 30% more length to this rant for NO CHARGE.

Otherwise, I don’t think my comments are out of left field. I expressed concern and a bit if disgust…

Try flipping disgust and concern in that last sentence. See, doesn’t it feel better to be honest with yourself? If you were an asshat, you’d be a fedora. Fugly as sin.

In a “let’s all point and laugh at the retard,” sad kinda way, yeah. But the guy needs to get his head out of his…

!!! MY RAGE IS INFINITE!!! AUTO SMASH. RAWWWWRRR>>> BREAK THINGS>>>AMMMWERLKUJ!SS!

Ok, I’m better now. I truly tried to ignore your jabs at me, but to quote an idol of mine: “of course you know, this means war.” Of course, Bugs Bunny had plenty peurile moments as well, so I guess you dont like him either. Seriously, if one is going to be a Puritanical jerkwad, one should at the very least try to be consisent.

Up to that last quote, I can see you had a glimmer of helpful sentiment mixed in with your maleficent, malodorous, misanthropic malignments. With that last retort, however, all bets were off. That really busts my buttons. How DARE you take it upon yourself to represent yourself and other Dopers in such a fashion. Of COURSE some people are laughing at me, but I’d be willing to bet 30 pieces of silver that many are also laughing with me. When I win that bet, I wont even have to hang myself. Joy!

I am sincerely flabbergasted at the kutpah you put forth there. If it wasn’t aimed at me, I would probably give you a standing ovation for most blatent douchebag post of the year. Since it was indeed aimed at me, you’ll have to settle for a cookie. Is it ok if I stuck it up my ass first? Or perhaps I’ll make new batter with my ladel. (ladel ladel ladel… you made me so gay… BRILLIANT).

Argh, I’m running out of poo to fling at you. My overdrive is running low. My wrath is fading into the dustbin of hamster history. Let me muster the last of my strength…

You cunt. You pharisetical lump of loathing. You digust me. You are a disgrace to prudes everywhere, you shit-stuffed sack of suffering succotash. Fuck you. Seriously… Fuck. You. Drive it nice in tight up your anus with no lube. If I’m good, maybe you wont even notice it.

Maybe the general sentiment is that I post nothing but attention-whoring garbage. Bzzzzt, no way. Allow me to post my personal “Best of Auto” links to my OPs.

Trout Smacking

Forum Art

Futurama is a damn good show

Celestial baseball

A 4 page thread on LotR

A so-called mini-classic pitting

I admit I have posted some craptacular OPs as well, but hey, you cant make an omelette without sticking some ladels up your butt, eh? Cant have light without shadow.

OK, I think I have posted enough. The gauntless is thrown. Let’ er rip, and do what you must.

(This thread bought to you by the letter P, for pissed the fuck off)

Piss and vinegar,
Autolycus

[Liberal]

Be careful throwing those gauntlesses. They’re much trickier than the gauntfuls.

[Miller]

I’ll say this much, without taking either side: yelling at someone for being an “attention whore” seems to be a rather self-defeating endeavour.

[bbs2k]

Oh, here it is… sorry.

And let me add, this OP is just as funny as the rest of yours.

[Gangster_Octopus]

Well, I perused the thread and got to a post where Rubystreak asked how it was possible to avoid a thread about buttsex. Amazingly I had done that very thing until now. I had no interest. As for this rant, I dunno, I mean so Rubystreak has an opinion about you. Who cares? Do you really give a crap about someone you have never met and will probably never meet having an opinion about you?

[Autolycus]

@Gangster Octopus

As for this rant, I dunno, I mean so Rubystreak has an opinion about you. Who cares? Why do you?

Two things bother me here:

Firstly, IMHO, what Ruby did is no way of helping somebody with issues. Tough love is rarely tough or loving.

Second, the sentiment that nigh 100% of the posters in the original thread were laughing at me with derisive sneers, and that perhaps that sentiment extends to my entire posting history on The Dope, pisses me off to no extent. Call it a pet peeve of mine.

[Waverly]

In your defense, I don’t think you have a drinking problem at all, nor do I think the issue is the random objects which you shoved up your ass. Rather, I think you made the whole thing up.

[Autolycus]

@Waverly

In your defense, I don’t think you have a drinking problem at all, nor do I think the issue is the random objects which you shoved up your ass. Rather, I think you made the whole thing up.

No way of proving this obviously, but I’m not a liar, internet or otherwise. Annoying, crude, unfunny, ignorant… these I can accept being labelled with upon occassion, but not lying.

[Uncommon_Sense]

Yes that’s right Dopers, call now 1-800-Fuck-Off and I’ll add 30% more length to this rant for NO CHARGE.

I called and pledged $500, how many percentages more do I get?

FTR, I’m always laughing with you, I WAS you.

[Autolycus]

@Uncommon Sense

I called and pledged $500, how many percentages more do I get?

You get one original poem by me on a subject of your choosing

[descamisado]

@Autolycus

No way of proving this obviously, but I’m not a liar, internet or otherwise. Annoying, crude, unfunny, ignorant… these I can accept being labelled with upon occassion, but not lying.

I thought you accepted being “ladeled” not “labeled.”*

*Don’t be mad at me, I’m just trying to be funny. I have nothing against you.

[Jackmannii]

I liked “verminiferous”.

[Long_Time_Lurker]

The quotes were good, the rest wasn’t worth reading.

[Miller]

@Autolycus

No way of proving this obviously, but I’m not a liar, internet or otherwise.

Well, if you still have that ladle, and a digital camera…

[Happy_Lendervedder]

Autolycus, I think you’re alright. Funny, kinda nutty et al. The only flaw I can see in you is that your “volume” is a bit too high.

It’s like walking into a party, and not really being out of line, but just speaking a bit too loudly, being a bit obnoxious. Most people aren’t completely turned off, but everyone notices you-- somewhat negatively. Everyone looks up from their Appletinis and says “Who the hell is this guy? And why is he talking so bloody loud?” If most posters here are at a volume of 6, you’re turned up to about a 9-- I’ve seen much worse from other posters, I mean Spinal Tap-worthy. So you’re not that bad.

You seem to have the basic grasp that we like to have fun and post TMI stuff once in a while, and do silly non sequitor-type threads, and have a raging anger like 10,000 suns when in the Pit, but… you just seem sooo eager to do all of them all at once-- at a volume of 9.

In other words, you’re trying too hard. But that’s not your fault. This happens to a lot of people when they start posting. Kind of desperate to “fit in,” author the next big “catch phrase,” create the “classic post” or “witty retort.” Stop trying so hard, and these things will come. Or not. Either way, just relax.
Constructively yours,

Happy

[Autolycus]

@Miller

Well, if you still have that ladle, and a digital camera…

Not in a million years. If I’m still alive after then, we’ll talk

[Autolycus]

@Happy Lendervedder

<snip>, Constructively yours,

Happy

I completely agree. I get this a lot in real life too. I’ll pull a reverse Emeril and kick it down a notch. Thanks for saying it so nicely too

bam!

[tiger_lily]

Okay, I read the other thread, and now this one. All I want to say, really, is:

People, please. It’s ladle. L-A-D-L-E, ladle. Not ladel. You must be thinking of label, and I have to say I don’t recall there being a label involved, unless the ladle was new and had a sticky label on the handle. Don’t know that I want to think further on that possibility.

Thank you.

[What_Exit]

Pretty good pitting, overall you are more right than Rubystreak.

You do come across as an something of an attention whore, but I like you anyway. Of course anyone that starts a Tolkien thread generally earns points in my book. Then when you quote Bugs Bunny in context, I cannot dislike you.

To Rubystreak, I saw the thread in question, I did not read past the op and I have no desire to read it now. Why was it so hard for you to stay out of it that you attacked him in the thread? If he is an attention whore, you fed him.

The trout thread is fun also.. You do seem to be a rather silly wabbit, but nothing to wrong with silly.

Jim

[enigm4tic]

@Autolycus

Not in a million years. If I’m still alive after then, we’ll talk

tell that to your colon.