Auto, you are a wonderful guy and rest assured that the insults were off the mark.
That being said, please end all contact with this girl. You deserve better than her. All of this fickle back and forth with the “maybe I want you but I think I want him too” nonsense is causing you more emotional trouble than she is worth. And please, please, please, please keep this in mind the next time you feel like you need to forge a friendship with this woman.
I agree with those who said that you should just write both of them off entirely. If it was the boyfriend, he’s a total asshole. But because there’s even a hint of a doubt that she didn’t send the message and because of how she’s treated you earlier, she’s really not worth your time. You’re an awesome person and she sounds like a faithless, fickle git.
Added to that, managing friendships with someone you used to date can be really sticky. You’re obviously not over her, so that might make things awkward, and she’s willing to throw you and/or some other guy over for someone else. I wouldn’t trust her at all.
He sounds like a jackass. You’re a class act, and better than that. Write him off as scum, and don’t worry about it.
I like you too Auto, but maybe stop hitting on a chick with a boyfriend. If she’s been yanking that guys chain because of some heavy flirtation between the two of you in the past do you suppose that maybe in the fight/talk/get back together that they had that she might have mentioned your name to him as the reason for the troubles in their relationship?
Sorry man, you’ve made your play and it didn’t happen. Leave the lady alone, anything else is good for an ass kicking in my book.
But… in Auto’s profile picture, he doesn’t have a goatee.
Seriously, though, this girl sounds like she in the perpetual on-again-off-again relationship with the guy, and he sounds like the jealous type. Drama you don’t need.
Look man - I’ve tried to offer you advice multiple times, I’ve had fun at your expense, and I have flat out torn into you before. Why I took the time to do it, I’m not entirely sure. Maybe I’m a sucker with a propensity for banging my head against a brick wall. Maybe I’m a jackass who gets his rocks off by slinging words of wisdom. Maybe my sporadic posting coincides with these episodes in your life. Maybe I had an inkling that you have some capability to become those things that you claim to want to become and you were genuinely looking for a helping hand that has been (and still is occasionally) in the trenches of the battles you currently fight. Could be some combination therein but I’m going to make this post and let it ride.
I usually try to post where I think I can provide some insight that is needed on the Dope. Other posters outshine me in many areas - intelligence, tangible knowledge, debate, vitriol, or humor. I do know that I have a few arenas where I’d like to believe (delusional as that may be) I have something to offer that I don’t see often enough on this board - human interaction, dating, pulling yourself up by your bootstraps and becoming a better person, and conquering demons. I say this because these are the fields where you seem to need help and I have done my damnedest to make my life experiences available to you (and others who may be reading).
That lengthy preamble aside, here’s what I see from following your threads with my less than perfect perception. I see someone behaving as an insecure dramawhore. Someone acting as a coward who knows that a step needs to be taken but is instead throwing hurdles in front of his path because they are scared (of change? your own potential? failure?). Someone who is enabling narcissism to the point of inviting these types of moments into their life, bringing it to the board, and hoping to see a reaction that validates their being. Those remarks hurt because you know that is what you should be doing instead of dicking around with your electronic soap opera.
Quit fucking indulging yourself. That is all your doing. She sent you a card, so what? She could have been drunk, had a period of insecurity, or it was a late night moment of second-guessing. You should have ignored it, but no that dramawhore side tugged at you and you dove into the mess. Are you so starved for attention that these quagmires are worth getting lost in? Do you want to feel anything to the point of emotionally self-flagellating yourself? Do you just have too much goddamn free time? Why would you even want to be friends with this broad? It is symptomatic of a very low self-esteem.
Anyways, I’ll be honest with you and let you know that I am a touch dismayed that you chose this for yourself. You told me in another thread that you would be taking my advice, but it was thrown back in my face. That’s fine, wasn’t the first time and it most certainly won’t be the last. I guess my advice wasn’t solid in your eyes. I have found some of your behavior on this board disgusting in the past, and I have made no secret of that; but I still wish you good luck on getting to wherever it is you’re trying to go. For now, you seem like a lost cause and I won’t be putting forth any more effort in trying to help (for better or worse). If/when your mindset changes and you think I may have some idea of what I speak on, let me know and maybe I will help at that point in time. maggenpye was spot on, you are making deliberate choices to continue living life like this (the comic pbbth linked to is also one of my favorites). Despite what other people are saying, everything that has happened and that will continue to happen is on you. No need for a response. Take care.
These statements don’t really jibe. It hasn’t been 3 months. According to you, you were just trying to hit on her a few days ago.
Don’t sniff around after chicks that have boyfriends, man. If you put yourself in his place, how would you feel about some guy that can’t take a hint and stop hitting on your girlfriend with (from the boyfriend’s perspective) smarmy facebook invitations? He doesn’t see you as someone from the past. He sees you an ongoing pest.
There’s nothing classy about hitting on a woman you know is in a relationship. When you do that, getting told where to go by the boyfriend is just getting what you deserve.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with sending up a trial balloon, but don’t be surprised if it gets shot down. Unless they’re engaged or married, it’s not like she’s the other dude’s exclusive property.
But one way or another, it’s time to withdraw. With luck, a few weeks or months down the road she’ll be horrified to see what her boyfriend did and come to you apologizing. Play it cool but friendly and make it clear the gap is hers to cross. Maybe spend some time at the gym in the meantime, and let her (just by chance) get word that you’ve been seeing some other girls as well.
The key thing is to be honest with yourself about your own motives.
I have to agree with those who say you’re a drama queen who puts himself in these situations, making it damned hard to sympathize with you when you find yourself in yet another one. (The most hateful message you’ve received in your life? Yikes. You’ve had an easy life.)
Okay, because of this and some other posts I have read lately, I have something I need to get off my chest.
deep breath
I find it really annoying and a sign of neediness and insecurity when a girl has a boyfriend that she doesn’t like but is only willing to break up with once she has something else lined up. Similarly, I think it reflects poorly on a girl when she is willing to flirt heavily and suggestively with one specific other man when she’s in a relationship, unless she’s planning to immediately break it off with her current man.
There are worse things in the world than being single.
Heh. That was my first thought.
[Yorkshire accent]
When ah was a lad, they called you a goat-felching cuntsock, then fucked your mother right in front you.
And that’s if you were lucky.
[/Ya]
Auto, you need to grow a fucking pair and cut all ties with this girl.
Also, re the “hateful message”: i don’t understand why you’re so fucking broken up about it. If it was her, then it should confirm was a stupid hateful bitch she is, and make it even easier to just walk away. And if it was the boyfriend, why the fuck do you care what he says? Is he your best friend or something?
Yep. If it was the boyfriend, it’s pretty hard to blame him. Hell, the OP pretty much admitted that himself.
I’ve decided that this year my mantra will be “people get what they deserve.”
If this girl deserves to be in a shitty relationship with a shitty dude, then that’s what she’ll get. If she deserves something nice she’ll get that - whether it be with you or with someone else.
Don’t try to force things to get what you want. Don’t try to shoehorn yourself inbetween them. Don’t let whatever craziness that surrounds other people surround you too.
God has a plan for you. It does not involve this girl. Move on so you are clear thinking enough to see the wondrous things that lie ahead.
Whether or not it’s immoral, it’s classless, and certainly in this case it wasn’t smart. I do feel bad for Autolycus here, but he was stepping into the middle of an on-and-off relationship, which is a bad idea.
Auto, I say this as a friend, but in a sort-of tough-love kind of way: Get the fuck over it.
She gets off on drama at the expense of others, and she has chosen you as source material. She’s trouble, and the last thing you need is trouble. Concentrate on the other 299,999,999 women out there. The ones worth knowing will bring nothing but good to your life.
It involves sending me money.
Hi Auto,
I think you are getting some good realistic appraisals here. The guy may have been childish but you need to stay away from her and him, even electronically.
I’m confused on a few parts. Who cares what another guy thinks about your facial hair? Why would you let what he wrote hurt you? I don’t remember you being fat or even overweight. Did you put on weight since last year?
{{{Autolycus}}}
Don’t try to contact her again. You don’t need people in your life who say things like that to you, or who let other people use their Facebook to say things like that to you. Delete the message. Find something to do that will keep you from thinking about it. It doesn’t have to be something constructive or self-improving, just distracting. Even something like playing Tetris might help.
“In life, each man gets what he deserves!”
If you know where that comes from, you’re 
in my book.
Starving Artist, that was one awesome post. Right on.
Nah. Sometimes unwarranted meanness that comes out of the blue can just crush you. Not because it has any merit, but because it catches you so off guard.