I don’t really think this situation really warrants a debate on the subjective nature of reality. Global warming, female circumcision, the mortality of malaria in developing countries, my neighbor is falling for the Nigerian bank scam. These are all very real problems. Somebody sent me a maybe mean but by most accounts probably not far from accurate email on Facebook that is either from a girl I flirted with for a couple week or her boyfriend at the time? I’m all for the free-for-all nature of MPSIMS, but that’s Livejournal territory.
Depending on the situation, I feel that it is entirely possible and legitimate for a “little” hateful comment to encite a stronger emotion than what you define to be typical hate speech.
Regardless of the OP and the comment made to him, are you saying that a comment cannot or shouldn’t incite a response from someone because there are more powerful hateful things that can be said? For example, if someone calls me a antisocial loser, vs someone that is called jew, spic, or nigger; is the plight of the latter more deserving of a hug vs. the former? I contend that if what you’re made fun about or labeled hits you to the core, then it will still hurt. Regardless of what is considered “completely unconscionable and evil screed that would be clearly and obviously beyond the pale”. Much worse has been said out of the bounds of the completely unconscionable, and can weigh equally on someones level of stress.
I told the OP to move on because the people he was dealing with are obviously not interested in him and are assholes. Not because the comment wasn’t worthy to his level of well being, as Jeff had indicated. ("…the poster had real problems. Turns out I was wrong.") Just because it’s not Jeff’s his problem, doesn’t make it any less of a problem for the OP. And to tell him to post on LJ instead of here is silly and rude to say IMO.
Never suggested otherwise.
I’m not sure why you would even ask that question, because it’s quite clear that is NOT what i was saying.
Again, i never suggested otherwise.
I simply suggested, and continue to believe, that if you describe something as “the most hateful message of my life,” don’t be surprised if people raise an eyebrow when said message turns out to be a lame-ass insult about your fat and your goatee.
Anothers “lame-ass” insult, could be anothers reason to commit suicide. That was kind of my point of what I wrote. Not that the OP is in that position, but for another it could.
I conceed that I may have misinterpretated. That is why I asked. The bolded portion indicates why I posted to you. My interpretation of your post was that there were more hurtful things that can be said to someone, and that this one isn’t worthy enough to get worked up about. It apparently doesn’t “qualify”. I contended that it is possibly something to get worked up about if it hits you to your core, and for it to be dismissed as ‘not real problems’, or in your words, a “minor bitchslap”, well…
But you don’t agree that, for Auto, that it wasn’t “the most hateful message” for him? Maybe it was the most hateful message, for him. Your post indicated it was small potatoes, and that there are worse things that can be said to a person, hence my post to you.
Asking for advice is a dangerous thing, just read some faerie stories. Having done it anyway to see all your options, even if you aren’t going to follow advice, please remember that there are more fish in the sea. Go to the hobby or church or professional groups you are a member of and meet some of the women there.
What do you want in a woman? Settle down and marry? This one is not for you. She likes to have many boyfriends and won’t be ready to settle down for another 15 years. She’s left you twice at least, she will leave you again.
Tell ya what, i’ll make you happy and concede that it is within the realms of possibility that the message was, for Autolycus, the most hateful thing anyone has ever said to him.
If he has lived his whole life as a precious snowflake, protected from even the mildest criticism, and lavished with unstiniting praise for his beauty, his charm, and his intelligence, there may be a non-zero chance that no-one has ever said anything more hateful to him than “Get a life. Lose weight, shave your stupid ass goatee, and get a job.”
Maybe.
It is small potatoes. You can rabbit on all you like about his experience, and subjectivity, or whatever, but by any rational standard that is a lame-ass insult, one that would not qualify in most people’s minds as even an outside candidate for “most hateful message of my life.” Don’t believe me? Start a poll in IMHO and see what people think.
What’s more, this crappy insult came, according to the OP himself, from a guy who has every reason to dislike him for trying to steal his girlfriend. Whenever you evaluate an insult, you have to consider the source. If my best friend since high school, or my mother, told me to “Get a life,” i’d consider it hurtful and a cause for some introspection; but if it was some guy who i didn’t know, and who was dating the girl i liked, i think i’d have the intestinal fortitude to shrug it off.
You want to play the game? You want to hit on girls with boyfriends? Fine. I’ve got no problems with it, and there’s no law against it. But if you’re going to play, don’t run crying to mommy when you don’t like how the game turns out.
ahem See Post 67
I already explained why the message hurt me the way it did. I readily admit that it might not be the most insulting written message I’ve received in my life, but it certainly was top five. I understand that makes me lucky. I’m sorry if that bothers you? 
I thought you were a half-decent person. You had me fooled so well even with your over-the-top knight in shining armor act. Maybe there were other nice guys I thought, like my boyfriend, ones that were truly selfless and caring. I knew all along I loved my boyfriend best (five years is not a joke) and I thought at the very least, we could have been good friends, albeit strange ones.
Perhaps I was selfish, ignoring all those times you gave off bad signals. I mean those times when you talked about your ex-girlfriend as a crazy, clingy bitch who wanted to get married right away. Should I have seen it coming when you admitted to me that you had sex with her even though you were not physically attracted to her? And those times you advertised your moments of extreme stupidity in a foreign country as life changing experiences. Or the time I heard you say when in another country, you felt liberated (maybe from judgments made by like-minded individuals) and that it was great to be seen as some kind of foreign celebrity. Was I refusing to see you as a fetishist in denial?
With much disappointment, I really think the answer to all those questions is yes. Blinded by my selfish desire to believe that you were a kindhearted person, I did not judge you for your flaws. True, you seemed to do the same, refraining from criticizing me (at least in person). Now I find out you’ve been saying stuff all this time, some of which are half-facts and some straight up lies.
Drunk or sober, you do not resist the urge to throw a pity party even if the opportunity does not present itself. Your real friends tell you that your worthless delusions about being a martyr are preventing yourself from reaching your full potential. Instead of seriously taking that into consideration, you continue to pursue drama, chase pussy, then justify it as a way to make your life exciting. If you think that is any way to get anyone of quality to pay attention to you, then you are greatly mistaken. People with half a brain can only be deceived to a certain point then the charade is over. Or maybe you’re content flitting around from one broken person to another because that makes worth living too I’m sure. But by the time you’re sick and tired of being a dramawhore, your life may already be in pieces.
I’m glad I trusted my gut feeling on this because after months of not talking to you and finally seeing you in public, I see a person that I don’t respect very much. I see a person that is so insecure, he makes a point of bragging about his latest dates and almost-culminated-into-sex encounters to everyone, including a girl he thought he was in love with just not too long ago. It goes to show that you don’t care about any person in particular, you just want anyone to fill the empty girlfriend slot. Thanks, I like knowing that our past interactions are cheapened that way. While I wish you much luck and happiness in your life, I wish you would sometimes get a clue and realize that not everyone wants the sordid details. But maybe you’re just trying to tell me that you’re still upset at me, in which case, you should just simply say it. To me–not to people whose advice you’re going to ignore anyway.
If there’s anything I’ll agree with about what my boyfriend said, it’s get a life. There are lots of things you need to do to reach your personal goals, none of which includes pussy hunting at meetups and getting your nuts off of smearing someone’s reputation in the mud. Instead, it would do you some good to start learning to take some harsh realities. You’re too sheltered. Everything’s a Disney movie to you even though you wish you could act like a douche.
Yes, I am upset to see and hear that you’re doing this. It makes me feel even stupider for falling for any of your crap. And I’m telling you, you will continue to make yourself look bad if you tell yourself that everything you’re doing is “harmless” or “not a big deal.” If you want to collect ex-girlfriends who you’re still in good terms with, good for you but I will not be part of statistic. You have your big mouth to thank.
Now this is interesting!
Sorry, please ignore this post.
oobleck, I got your PM and see your latest post. You make many good points about recent events, my character, about everything. I honestly don’t know what else to say at this point in time. After catching our breath, I suggest we talk in private about this matter. I will compose a reply to your latest post and send it by PM. If you wish to make that reply public on these forums, that is your prerogative. I understand that you feel slandered by me on this message board, so that is what I will do.
I don’t care about you airing “dirty laundry” to the anons of the interwebs. I do care that you have been talking crap about me to people I know in person but I’m glad they know me well enough not to believe a word of it.
In relation to the topic of hateful messages, the reason why you haven’t had so many is because your exes don’t know what you’ve been saying about them.
Well, the chickens must eventually come home to roost. While I might be an insecure coward, I’m not a liar. I did discuss the details on what happened between us with people we both know. I have no doubt that I said bad things about you and your BF at some point. I really have no excuse to offer… Anyway, since this is not about the anons of the interweb, let’s take this to private messages.
Jesus, man. Let it fucking go already.
This is pretty great.
Someone who lies to himself all the time can manipulate truths subconsciously. I’m not talking out of my ass here. I refused to see past the deception but it’s been there and it’s been consistent.
It’s true that in our interactions with each other, I did always play the “shining-knight” martyr role. While I can’t prove it, ever since then we stopped talking to each other I have realized what utter bullshit it was for me to act like that. I’m not a nice guy, at least not as much as I would like to think. While I have a desire to help (and for what purpose?) it was always tainted by my insecurity and immaturity. The flaws in my personality that you have pointed out are problems I have slowly grown to realize over the last few months. You are correct in regards to my self-deception. I am especially shameful about the fact that I never stopped to think about how my words and actions affected our mutual contacts. I say this not to appease you, but because it’s true. I’m sorry you never saw the utterly rotten sides of me during our interaction together, and especially that you have to see them now in such a dramatic way. In my typical fashion, while I thought I was the ‘good guy,’ I was actually just being a conceited jerk.
In conclusion, if anyone is sending harassing or angry messages to oobleck, please don’t. I fully deserve this verbal scouring. Not because of this OP and thread of course, but because of my immature way of handling myself…
Somehow I don’t think that’s an issue.
Point taken~