Quite - in fact I know women who left the nice guy and went out with far less pleasant ones because the nice guy was dull/let them treat him like a doormat. If a relationship isn’t equal it’s rarely satisfying.
Um… you’re almost as skinny as me. How the hell would you want to lose weight?
Autolycus, keep up with the self-esteem work. It’s the most rewarding thing you will ever do in your life. If you’re not already doing this, try to be aware of any negative self-talk you are doing, and immediately replace it with more positive self-talk. Every now and then, pamper yourself in some way. And while affirmations might seem silly and trite, they really do work. Just don’t do them out loud around the cool kids.
And the goatee is by far your best look, IMO.
He’s skinny and soft, He’s trying to lose the belly and gain some muscle.
Isn’t the OP the same one who started the ‘Nice Guys’ thread not too long ago? If so, I’m not terribly surprised. If not, well, then, my apologies.
What was said wasn’t hateful, it was immature. The appropriate response is to shrug it off and excise both of these people from your life.
Not trying to be a smartass but how do you give someone the advice to stop acting like a pussy without calling them a pussy? Maybe this isn’t exactly an advice thread but the question still stands.
Right.
Also, i think that telling someone that they’re acting like a pussy in this particular situation does not constitute a direct insult. “You’re a pussy” and “You’re being a pussy over this” are not the same thing.
I’d rather not hijack the thread with a debate about semantics, even if it’s the semantics of pussy. Almost everybody here has given Autolycus the same advice, and a lot of them were blunt without insulting him directly. It’s against the rules to call a guy a pussy if he says he doesn’t like horror movies in Cafe Society, or wars in Great Debates, and the same is true here when discussing a guy’s personal life.
If anybody has other questions about this, PM me or start a thread in ATMB.
Liking attention can be good, but make sure that what you are aiming for is positive attention. People who aim for negative attention end up being basically trolls or professional victims, neither of which is where you want to be.
Drama may cover a broader category of events, but you want to get away from the drama triangles. You’re taking on the victim role by allowing the abuser to bother you so much. I don’t know all the details of this relationship’s history, but it sounds to me that she was either playing victim to his abuser in order to draw you into the rescuer role, or abuser to his victim and simply using you as an instrument of that abuse. Or more likely both; one of the traits of the drama triangle is that participants switch roles rapidly.
One of the problems with participating in the drama triangle as victim is that you draw both rescuers and abusers - notice how many insulting responses you have received in this thread. Participating as a rescuer is an exercise in frustration because if the person you are rescuing is determined to be a victim, all advice and help will either be ignored or made moot when the victim repeats her/his behavior. Over and over again. After all, if the only way a person knows to get attention is to be a victim, then that person will look (consciously or subconsciously) for abusers to get the drama restarted. I’ve even seen professional victims reframe another person’s behavior or normal events to be able to cry victim when they didn’t feel they were getting enough attention.
I’m sure there are a few people who are rolling their eyes about this, but how many times have we seen the “Nice guys finish last” threads about the guys who never get “the girl” when they are nice, but if they are assholes, they have no problem getting the girl? And if they are nice, “the girl” is always getting involved with some other guy who is an asshole?
Neither love me for / Thine own dear pity’s wiping my cheek dry
Elizabeth Barrett Browning - Sonnet XIV
Auto, I have something to say to you.
You got lucky.
Trust me, it would be much worse dating this girl. MUCH worse.
She is nothing but trouble. She is absolutely not the kind of woman you want to date. You should be thinking to yourself, “Whew! What an escape!”
And I know it’s tough, but don’t let something like this get to you. You are only giving her and the BF power over you.
One of the best lessons in dating I ever learned was the ability to say, “Ah, fuck it.” When you can say that, many dating situations go from hurtful to shrugable.
So the next time you think about this, immediately follow it up with “Ah, fuck it. Fuck 'em both. I’m gonna do something else.”
And to reiterate,
STAY AWAY FROM HER. SHE IS TROUBLE.
Sorry if this post is somewhat rambling; I’m doing about four other things at the same time. 
Screw the “nice guy vs asshole” bullshit. Look, part of being an adult man is knowing when to be nice and when to be an asshole. It’s also knowing how to read a relationship and not be the creepy stalker guy when someone just isn’t that into you.
I don’t know what your deal is with this girl because I only have your side of the story. But it’s clear she isn’t into you. At least not romantically and once a girl has rejected your romantic overtures, it’s asinine to try to backdoor in through the friend zone (no pun intended). I mean if you want to be “friends” then just be friends. Wish her happy birthday or invite her (AND her boyfriend) to parties you throw. But when you push someone to define a relationship with you after they give hints and signals they are not interested, they tend to get uncomfortable. So you don’t know if this is her boyfriend being a jackass or if she has been simply beeing polite for the past several months (which you misinterpreted as interest) and all of a sudden snapped because she can’t put up with your overtures anymore.
I mean what happened to playing it cool anyway? Girls don’t dig some slobering geek. They dig the guy who’s like “oh…you sent me a card? That’s nice…gotta go.”
My advice to you is just reply back something like “Alright, Maybe I’ll drop you a line once I’m thin, working and clean shaven. Peace.” She’ll either get the message and be like “what the hell” when she sees what her boyfriend wrote or she’ll just ignore it. Either way, it just shows that you are cool enough that something so dumb doesn’t bother you.
And it shouldn’t because, well, who the fuck sweats some email from some ho-bag or her douche boyfriend?
I’m done here.
How the hell did I forget the drama triangle??? I was stuck in that thing for years before my therapist helped me escape it. :smack:
Eh, anecdotally, I did it. Not that my husband is the stereotypical “nice guy” at all, but he certainly did help convince me to leave the ex…without ever saying a word about it. I think that was the key. Live by example and all.
This probably isn’t the first time someone’s reminded the OP of this, but livejournals are free. Seeing this kind of constant therapy session horseshit posted again and again is quite tiresome.
A jealous boyfriend called me names and made me cry! Better post in MPSIMS about it!
Why did you continue to READ and POST in THIS THREAD then?
It’s always cute when someone comes back with that response.
I can’t unread something after I’ve read it, sadly. And I post because I have an opinion on the OP’s situation, just like everyone else in this thread. It’s not particularly positive or constructive. Such is life.
Yeah, but not opinions of ‘this don’t belong here, post on LJ’. That is rude. It most certainly belongs here if he wants to put it here. You on the other hand object to the notion of him posting his problems here. My objection to your objection is to close the thread and don’t post if you don’t want to be involved in the “kind of constant therapy session horseshit posted”. If it is “quite tiresome” for you, then why do feel the need to participate in this thread? If I said to myself that ‘Bush threads make me tired and lull over’, there’s a good chance I won’t be clicking on Bush threads to begin with.
You’re right, you can’t unread what you’ve read, but don’t forget that you chose to open a thread you deemed to be a therapy session that was quite obvious from the thread title.
I just received the most hateful message of my life on Facebook and it got to me.
You chose to click that, and chose to be snide about it.
Glad you thought I was cute.
What are you, the narrator?
I clicked the link thinking maybe the poster had real problems. Turns out I was wrong. If you don’t like my posts, don’t read them. And don’t respond afterwards.
Cheers 
Nah, opening a thread with that title is completely understandable, because the title suggests that the message might actually qualify as “the most hateful message” a person could ever receive in their life, and not some lame insult from the boyfriend of a woman the OP is stalking.
When i opened the thread, i was expecting to find that the “hateful message” was some awful, completely unconscionable and evil screed that would be clearly and obviously beyond the pale. Some sort of racial or homophobic or intolerant hate speech, perhaps. Instead, it was a minor bitchslap from someone (if indeed it was the boyfriend) who has every right to be annoyed with the OP.
Something of a letdown, really.
Ok, but to say that he doesn’t have real problems is ridiculous. Its a problem for him, then it’s a real problem.