Well, he’s not going to get the girl (well, long-term, at least). There’s no conceivable way it’ll end up that way. If you want to “win”, that’s how to do it.
I’m having a hard time seeing the classy in the OPs behavior in this drama.
Auto, at some point, you’ve got to decide that it would be better to die alone and be eaten by wild animals (or, in my case, my cat) than to put up with that version of a relationship.
Drama is bad.
This situation is full of drama. Therefore, it is bad.
Dust your hands off and go do some laundry.
I’m with the posters who see the pattern here. I don’t believe it was the boyfriend. There isn’t any evidence of it except that you don’t want to think this girl that you once thought highly of would say things like that to you, so it’s more comfortable to think that it’s from a guy who doesn’t know you but still wants to hurt you. That way you can brush it off like he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
It wasn’t him.
Secondly, this remark was so offhand and unimportant, what did you hope to get from sharing it here? Anonymous support to counteract personal insults? I’m failing to see what you’re hoping to get from this. From the history of your threads and your various views on relationships and women and normalcy, it’s only shocking to me that you wouldn’t believe someone would say such a thing to you.
ETA: If the boyfriend had sent it, he would have said “Stay the fucking fuck away from my girlfriend.” What was said is emotional and personal and designed to hurt. That is how women hurt people.
I have to agree with this. Since I don’t know any of the people involved I don’t know what their individual styles might be, but the message in question sounds more like something a woman would write.
Concur with that. I’ve been on the boyfriend’s end of this kind of scenario, and I wasn’t thinking about being snarky and cutting. It was just “Dude, fuck off.” That message definitely sounds like it came from a female. Even if it wasn’t the girl herself, it might have been a female friend. Guys are usually far more blunt and less creative.
Auto, is this that girl who was playing head games with you? I think I gave some tough loveadvice in that thread.
Unfortunately, even four months later, and even sober this time, I can’t think of any better advice.
Look, this is coming from some who used to do exactly the same kind of self-defeating behavior. It took me years to figure out that first you learn to respect yourself, then you find people who will respect you.
Sorry to do this to you while you are feeling sorry for yourself, but I got wondering what is the worst thing people have ever been told.
And Auto, I really like you. I get frustrated because I used to act like you do at times, and I just want you to not waste as much of your life as I did.
Well, let me first state that I did warn you this OP would be showing my immature and insecure side. There’s no way of proving it, but I don’t act like this all the time. Y’all do really see me when I’m at my lowest, most drama-queen, insecure whiny-bitch self (at least when I wrote OPs like this). I’ve been posting here for a while now, so I feel like part of the community enough to trust you guys to see this side of me. While some comments here were a tad harsh, I chalk those up to tough love for the most part, and therefore I don’t regret airing this particular piece of laundry.
As to why I posted this, well, I was upset, and I occasionally use the dope as a way of venting, like a combination journal entry and help-desk. I posted this in order to make myself feel better while at the same time hearing opinions from y’all. Hey, in any case it’s more exciting than the umpteen million “Should I ask her out y/n?” or “Is she into me?” threads!
Next order of business, why did this hurt me so much? Well, like most things in life, it was a couple of different factors. For starters, I had 5-6 beers that night. I wasn’t drunk, but I was certainly tipsy and my already-thin skin was even thinner. Second, I had just concluded a very strange night which included a friend setting me up for a one-night stand with a girl. To cut to the chase, I lost interest after she begged and threw a small fit for $20 for coke… (my friend also apologized, as he knew she was wild but not into hard drug use). So, those are the superficial reasons.
As for the deeper, more meaningful reasons, well, as some people commented earlier, the insulting remarks had enough truth in them to be hurtful. I’m not fat, but I don’t feel to be in particularly good shape. I have a life, but I don’t have a job. I’m aware that not having a girlfriend should not bother me, but sometimes it still does. In any case, he/she hit these exposed vulnerabilities very well.
It also hurt because I haven’t completely gotten over her (no surprise). For better or for worse, it looked like we might be becoming friends again. While my feelings remained, I had resolved not to act on them. They were gradually disappearing. Over the last few months, we hung out again with our usual study group a few times, met briefly at Atlanta at a study-group trip, and then the e-card. Things seemed to be taking a step in a good direction. To then suddenly get this nasty message took me by surprise. Was I blind, ignorant, and hopelessly naive? Sure, but it still hurt.
Of course, everyone is right, I don’t deserve this type of friend in my life. I’m better than this. There are two reasons why I still pursue it occasionally. One is that from my interactions with her I was able to see what an amazing person she is. Flawed, insecure, wishy-washy sure… shit I’m no better, but she was also witty, smart, compassionate, cute, loved animals, etc etc. That’s I suppose the healthy reason I still maintained an open door between us.
The second and perhaps larger reason is, like noted by others in the thread, my own insecurity. I’ll admit it, my self-esteem has been at a low point in these last few months. Since October it’s been getting better and better as I situate myself in Orlando, but the shock of going from being a college senior with a relationship and friends to living at home, single and friendless, well, this all took some getting used to on my part. I’ve been exercising, meeting new people all the time, making some friends, been on some dates, getting girl’s digits, looking into how I should get a job/earn money, etc etc etc… I’ve been doing everything right, but it takes time and my self-esteem is still low. It’s always been low, even though I’m outgoing/funny/and all that jazz. I’ve always been the class clown who uses his humor as a shield.
Soooo, that’s about it I guess. As to all the people commenting on who wrote it, or what happened between me and her in the past, I’m not going to give out any more information about that. One, writing that info here would just give this incident more importance than it deserves and, secondly, the people making such comments do not seem to have my best interests at heart. If I am wrong, then my apologies.
Oh, as an epilogue, a lot of people have commented about ‘avoiding drama.’ Well, even when my self-esteem is high and my life is going great, I’ve always enjoyed drama. I thrive on drama and attention. If that’s a bad thing, then… tough? I honesty don’t know what to say. I try not to hurt people, cry over spilled milk, or make mountains out of molehills, but I don’t think that drama by itself is a bad thing. Maybe when I’m older I’ll hate drama, but as for now my chief enemy is boredom, loneliness, and stagnation, not drama and emotional turmoil.
Next I’ll be addressing some comments in particular.
While a response may not be necessary, I hope you don’t mind me writing a quick one anyway.
Your perceptions, while exaggerated and a tad too black-and-white, are correct. I have brought this upon myself, and I should always remember that next time I feel any excessive self-pity. Unlike the last thread, I posted this thread more to vent than to have a pity party, but I can understand how it might not seem that way. In any case, my actions are my own, and it’s never a bad thing to be reminded of this fact. As for my insecurity, cowardice, and dramawhore tendencies, well yes, I have all these inside me. I’m a shitstained angel, just like everyone else. I’m working on it.
Brandon, I apologize for any upset I gave you by not following your advice. It has no reflection upon you, and I do feel bad about the disappointment and anger you feel over my apparent flip-flop. With that said, may I humbly suggest that you also are taking this whole incident a little bit too seriously? In any case, while you might be ‘cutting me loose,’ let it be said that you have always been an eloquent and helpful person to me, and I’m sad to see things take such a turn. May the wind be at your back, friend.
Yep, same girl. Yup, your advice was rock-solid.
Actually, I don’t feel so bad anymore. The comments still sting, but I’m not really worked up about it. Along with my self-esteem raising a bit over the past few months, I also had a great day today! Met new people (at a french meetup, gonna learn French), made what could very likely be some new friends, going out on an early morning date in just 4 hours, and also got a girl’s digits at the cafe where the French meetup was at.
So, it’s hard for me to feel upset about this thing from the past when I have all this good stuff coming my way! That goes not just for yesterday but for the last oh, month or so in general. Maybe I should make a thread detailing all the great things in my life, instead of just waiting to post OPs in MPSIMS when I have one of these insecure, childish drama-queen moments. 
Awww, shucks :o Thanks, and I’ll make sure I do myself proud, don’t you worry!
Auto, if you enjoy drama then you’re gonna have to toughen up a bit for when the drama goes against you. You have to be prepared to ride the lows with the highs; it’s just the risk you take with drama, you know?
Insults can sting when they have a grain of truth embedded within them. He was trying to get to you on purpose and exaggerated your qualities to do so. But you know what, who cares? So you don’t have a job yet. Neither do a lot of recent graduates. I’m hanging on the skin of my teeth myself- I never imagined I’d feel so low after college. But a lot of people are in a similar situation in this tough economy. So you’re not as fit as you want to be. It’s not like you’re horribly unattractive by any means. I think you look like a cutie! So you have (what his trying to label as bad) goatee. Doesn’t matter, unless you were planning to ask him out. 
Some girls like facial hair, some don’t. Above all, what matters is if you like it or not.
As lots of other people said, this girl didn’t seem to be into you at all from the start. She sounds like she’s full of bad drama. Would you really want to try to woo this girl over when she seems to be so wishy-washy to begin with? What makes you think that she just won’t be wooed back or to somebody else? I’d just chalk this one up to experience and move on.
You’re cute, you’re kind, and you’re smart. You deserve better than this girl.
This is exactly it. I’m not sure if you love drama as much as you say - or if you do, you get something out of being on the down side of that drama slope too. Do you get a kind of reinforcement out of posting threads like this, perhaps, even when you get criticism? It’s like the woman who cries about how awful each of her boyfriends have treated her, not realizing that at some point, the common factor in the relationships is her.
I expect then, that everyone who is still good-naturedly giving you relationship advice and wishing that you would just listen will eventually follow the others who’ve already posted that they’re feeling like they’re beating their heads against the wall. If you admit you love drama that much, you’re going to keep seeking it out. Maybe it won’t be different superficially from your last relationship, but the same result will happen. Drama isn’t passion and romance; drama is just drama, and you’re going to have to figure out (or not) why you prefer drama and upheaval to anything more stable and positive.
I’m not giving you advice, I’m advising other readers of this thread. You’re going to do what you do regardless, I suspect.
It’s not a bad thing for us, it seems to be for you though. As others have said it’s all well and good to enjoy some drama but if you do you have to toughen up a bit or you’re going to be miserable. Also, and I speak as someone who has come through the therapy and quit my dramawhore ways, are you clear why you enjoy drama? There’s a difference between drama and fun, you know?
Stay safe.
It’s a tough transition to move away from a comfort zone into a completely different situation. I remember when I first moved to Orlando and could only get a job that I hated; just about every month for the first few months, I’d end up crying* over the fact that, not only did I hate my job, but I didn’t have the time or the resources to make new friends, nor did I want to be friends with anyone I was working with at the time. You’re working on improving your situation, and it’s going to be difficult until you find a bit of a niche. You’ve got some friends in the area, even if we’re a bit away, and you know where to find us.
Sounds like learning French and having another avenue to meet new friends is a good idea. (Not to bust your balls again on this one, but it’d be helpful if you would stop chasing the crazy girls, and you seem to have found a LOT of them through the Japanese culture/language fans in this area.) The more people you meet, the better chance you have of getting networking contacts that’ll help you with your job situation, find more friends in the area, and maybe get a girlfriend if you’re truly ready for a healthy relationship. <---- This last bit is the most important part you need to remember: no girl is worth the insanity you put yourself through, so chill out on needing a girlfriend until you find someone who’s not going to feed anyone’s need for drama. Maybe you’ll meet a relatively normal girl at the art show at the end of the month; at the very least, this particular friend circle has some decent eye candy in it. 
[sub]*At that time, it was a combination of stress and menstrual hormonal fluctuations. I still consistently will hit a “Squidgmas day” sometime during my menstrual cycle, but it’s nowhere near as severe as it was when I hated my job and had no friends in the area.[/sub]
It takes a big man to cry; but it takes an even bigger man to point and laugh at that first man.
Not that I’m laughing…
Didn’t you just recently have some kind of emotional drama over an ugly chick from a bar?
I’d really like to be sympathetic to you, but I have this impression of you as a fellow who seems to careen from one angsty, messy psuedo-relationship to another.
IAC, excess fat is unhealthy and goatees don’t look good on everybody.
meh! count me among the guys who say give your head a shake man and stop being a pussy over this. I reckon despite her assertions to the contrary she actually did text or message you.
Don’t be so thin skinned. It sounds like she is no great catch. I went through a phase a year or so ago where I would only date married chicks or girls with boyfriends so I don’t have any qualms with you cutting anybody else’s grass. I did it because I didn’t want any full time relationship and this way I got to see the best of them and their husbands got the rest of the ‘relationship’ crap.
The guilty goodbye message/kiss of is all part of the deal.
I have read a lot of your posts and you really do put women on a pedestal dude.
But it always seem that its you that falls?
So Auto’s posted threads on his intention to get a job and exercise. He has not done either.
Auto’s posted threads asking for advice on girls. Auto has disregarded this advice.
Auto has asked for advice on fashion. Auto has not changed his wardrobe.
Now Auto’s going to learn French.
Jesus fuck dude. No wonder you don’t have self-esteem, you don’t follow through on your plans. Make a plan, any plan, and stick to it. Just do it. You’ll automatically feel better for it.
Yo! Like I said a few posts back: no personal insults in MPSIMS. Critique Auto’s behavior all you like, calling him a pussy and similar things is out of bounds for this part of the site. Warnings will follow if there’s more of this.
Woah woah woah, hold the phone. I’ve purposefully not been arguing in this thread, as most people have been more right than wrong about me, but this goes over the pale. Actually, I have been exercising very regularly lately and have already started seeing results. I have been doing better with the issue of girls in my life, this episode aside. While I haven’t bought new clothes, I have been paying more attention to what I wear when I go out. As for the French thing, it’s just a whim really… I’m not going to drop everything and go cram French. You got me on the job part, and I could use improvement with focusing on achieving goals instead of getting distracted. In any case, while my self-esteem might be a bit low lately, but I’m not a spineless pussy, as some have so eloquently put it. Believe whatever you want about me, but let’s not get carried away here.
I don’t think this is common at all except in the minds of “nice guys”