If you tooted, twitter.
Or tweet.
Whatever.
Commenting on a fart is about the best that can be done with so few characters.
Ever so inobtrusively sidle away from your nearest co-worker.
You turn to the shyest person in the room and blame her. She will not mount a defense.
This is sorta like when chased by a shark all you have to do is out swim your slowest swimmer friend.
Imagine the psychological trauma that shyest person will have to suffer…
[ol]
[li]Look at the person next to you and say, “Oh you poor thing”?[/li][li]Look at the person next to you and say, “That reminds me of the time Thelma let loose with one that sounded like ripping canvas”?[/li][li]Look at the person next to you and say, “Yeah and it was ME”?[/li][/ol]
For the love of Og, somebody restrain me!! Please!!! (Something about this unleashes the 12 year old boy in me.)
Do nothing. There’s no reason to call attention to it. If someone is bothered, it’s their problem, not yours.
Oh yeah… One more.
Fan your ass with a magazine and say, “Whew! That’s a blessing”?
HELP !!! Somebody stop mmeeeeeee, 
In case we haven’t run the OP off entirely, this - along with the Miss Manners reference upthread - is the correct answer.
However, if a dog is available to take the blame, my answer changes.
This thread made me laugh so hard that I nearly farted at work.
Seriously! I managed to hold it in though.
Turn to a co-worker, and say, as sweetly as you can, “Well, bless your heart.”
-or-
Spread your fingers, then with your hand in that position, touch your thumb to your forehead and say, loudly, “It’s up!”
The last person to raise their hand to that same position on their own forehead has to take a drink.
I thought everyone knew that the proper was to deal with this is to wiggle in your chair so that it makes noise and then say, “My god, this chair is noisy. Isn’t this chair noisy? Stupid chair.” or if you’re not sitting, “My god, my shoes are noisy. Aren’t my shoes noisy? Stupid shoes.”
It depends on the sound it made; that’s why I requested the offending sound description.
Ignore it, or commit seppuku.
Don’t do both, though.
The past tense is twat.
Funny, I would have thought the appropriate SDMB advice would be to shout:
I’m tooting like a motherfucker!!!
Kentucky Fried Movie. Great flick. The tits on display during Catholic High School Girls in Trouble were fn amazing.
After said toot, let out a very loud Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh". That should do it.
If deferring the blam were even remotely possible, rest assured that I would have done so.
As it sits, I am working with a nutritionist on a change in diet.
I also did speak with my manager about it, in case there were complaints to HR (which is not unheard of in my workplace–we have a number of very petty, gossipy people here).
She laughed so hard she was in danger of hyperventalation.
Know that she wasn’t laughing at you, StusBlues…well, she was. But she was also covering her own farts because coughing would have seemed inappropriate.