Or is it just the age thing?
Bill sent me plane tickets. I’m in his home now. Bill is sleeping and I have the second floor to myself.
Bill is wonderful, he’s thoughful, he is kind and when we go out, he always makes sure that I’ll have my veggy food.
I know that Bill would be very happy to have me as a trophy wife, but I feel like I’d be taking advantage of him. I really do love him, but this just feels wrong.
Help, pls!!!
You love him - do you love him in that way?
You don’t like his generosity? If so I don’t really know what to tell you. I’m not loaded, but I’m richer than my girlfriend and I like to treat her.
I took her on vacation in September - it was one of the loveliest weeks I’ve ever had. I’m paying for her to come to see me next month even though it’s a continent away. I get pleasure from her happiness, so I’m really excited to see how she reacts to exotic locations she’s never seen before.
It’s a two-way street you see: it’s as much for me as it is for her. And I’m sure it’s the same for Bill.
But… maybe you’re worried about something else?
What’s the age gap?
Would you still be with him if he lost all his money tomorrow? If yes, then you’re not taking advantage of him and the money is just a (very nice) perk. If no, then you probably have some soul-searching to do.
Im worried that I can’t spoil him the way he does me. I really don’t have the money and it feels wrong that he gives and I just take.
25 years difference. He does such things as send me expensive electronics. He has given me the second floor of his house and wants me to stp worrying about the housekeeper
Do you know…I’d be so much happier if Bill was just a poor engineer who camps out at my house.
If you think something is wrong, there probably is.
The real question is, not what anyone thinks, but what you think. Are you being honest with him? If so and he doesn’t care, don’t worry. If it bugs you quit it.
Remember you have to live with yourself, no one else and if you can, then it’s fine. If not then it’s time to change direction.
It sounds to me that you’re worried you might be a gold-digger.
I don’t think you should worry. Because if you were a gold-digger, you wouldn’t be worrying about it.
Hobbles off to my bed. Bill is on the third floor. This is not a stelth brag or anything, I’m just really confused and needs input. Bill won’t knock on my door unless I call him. His housekeeper really intimidates me. She will come into my room and clean while I’m downstairs.
I might be off-base here, but what’s the power dynamic in your relationship? Do you worry that the money imbalance might cause Bill to eventually resent you or cause him to hold it over you if you ever have a disagreement?
I sometimes have this worry, although my boyfriend is not nearly as wealthy as yours. He was supporting me while I followed him 1000 miles away for his job. I was in a new place, surrounded only by people he knew, and supported entirely by his largess. My job was similar to being a 50’s housewife. I cooked, I cleaned, and I looked pretty for social events. He was (and is) wonderful, but I couldn’t help but have the nagging feeling that I wasn’t contributing enough because I was living off him. I valued my independence and I was afraid that people would think I was mooching off him, so I let him make all the big money decisions. It worked out since he was generous and reasonable, but it also meant I had to give up a lot of control and that was really scary to me. So being afraid of being seen as a gold digger was just a manifestation of my fear of losing control of my own life. I don’t know if this makes any sense to you at all.
Anyway, I might be reading too much into your comments and injecting too much of my personal issues into this.
Are you guys being whoooshed or am I being whoooshed?
Well if she says the housekeeper’s name is Mrs. Danvers, I’ll start getting suspicious. But at this point I’m taking things at face value.
Are we talking about money that’s earned through work or through sucking cock?
If it “feels wrong” it’s because you’re enjoying the benefit of money you didn’t earn. The terms of that arrangement tend to imply submitting to a life as a kept woman. So the only question is whether you’re OK with that; many women are perfectly fine with such an arrangement, others aren’t. And hey, he’s already got a housekeeper so that narrows down your duties.
If this is his terminology rather than yours, then I would say you’re both taking equal advantage, so there’s balance in that regard.
If this is your terminology flatlined, then from little you’ve revealed of the situation in this thread, ostensibly I’d say it sounds a little like a justification you make to yourself.
25 years. There’s less of an age gap between me and my father.
But only you know what feels right for you.
Go for it Boo, he’s loaded. How many times have I heard that?
If you can see a relationship as a social contract, you get benefits, so does he. I know both women and men who’ve married / live with someone for the comfort. Do they love them - yes. Is there passion - no.
Is something missing, in your relationship with Bill? passion? respect (of you for him or him for you)? mutuality? a sense of partnership? really enjoying one another’s company?
If something is missing, how much do you want/need/value that something? And what would you do if the chance arose to have that something with somebody else?
The age gap is huge and he’s acting like your father a little bit, that could be bothering you.
A lot of couples have one spouse who contributes more financially while the other one contributes in other ways: with childcare or taking care of the house. Most people would love to be able to afford a stay at home spouse because then when it’s not work time there is time for enjoying free time instead of having to catch up on chores. Both people are contributing equally in their happiness but in different ways.
You’re not a gold digger so it bothers you to not contribute anything because he’s already got the housekeeper. What do you want for your life? To sit at home and lead an empty life of trying to amuse yourself until he gets home? Does he want children? Would he disapprove of you going to college for a career of your own?
IMO the age difference is too large. If it doesn’t seem so now it will in the future.
Can you see yourself being married to him? If it feels right, I would try it. Money doesn’t mean too much to me when it comes to love.
On the other hand, if it doesn’t work out, will you still be able to support yourself? My mom didn’t get a divorce because after 20 years of marriage she was unable to support herself without her husband’s salary. There’s an advantage to being independent in marriage.
No idea. This whole thing is weird. If they’re dating, why are they sleeping in separate rooms/floors?
I found this thread, though…it suggests they weren’t even dating when the guy wanted her to come over. The whole thing gives me a really creepy vibe.
interesting use of words:
“give”…
“take”…
…but not one mention of sharing.
and…as for that second quoted line: I hope this is a whoosh.
That’s the most bizarre sentence I’ve ever read.
Some gifts are fun, some are returnable, some are deep and meaningful…but, um…
What does a person do with the second floor of a house?
Just my WAG, but reading that past thread and this one:
She is on the re-bound, missing the past relationship and afraid to be alone.
He is feeling lonely after wife is gone, and needs the company and companionship.
While not an ideal beginning of a long-term relationship, it is certainly not the worst of reasons. She isn’t looking for diamonds and a new Mercedes, he isn’t looking for a sexual slave/housekeeper. They both seem to realize they need something from each other.
Will it work out? Who knows?
Sometimes people start being together for reasons that are not passionate, but develop a solid relationship over time. For many, this works just fine.
I think as long as they are honest and keep things in perspective, this could work - but they have to set the ground rules. Let things progress, but if either wants to call it quits or simply take a time off, they separate as friends.
Perhaps they should have a pre-nup for a non-nup.
I’d keep being his live-in girlfriend until things are clearer to you. Then if they fall apart you can at least tell yourself that you definitely didn’t benefit from a rich divorce settlement, so you definitely aren’t a gold digger.