Yesterday I started a flame in the Pit against a poster who I had felt insulted me. Everyone who replied to the flame weighed in with support for the poster I was flaming and used the thread as an opportunity to point out my own enormous shortcomings with which I am in agreement on. For all of you that have suffered reading my crybaby, whiny, pity-part threads and replies in other threads I apologize and vow never to subject anyone to that again.
However it seems I made a grievous error in the Pit. When no one responded to the actual allegations I made in the flame itself and instead just insulted me and made their own allegations about me, I finally started insulting back. It seems a number of people took what I said in the insults to be the literal truth and even when I retracted the remarks by explaining they were intended strictly as insults, it seems by making the insults I burned a bridge that can’t be rebuilt or will take so long to rebuild it is probably pointless to try.
This is my first experience with a message board, though I have been in chat rooms before and what seem to set the board above other online experiences was the intelligence of the people on the board and their willingness to present their views clearly enough that others could understand them. Certainly this is a characteristic in General Questions and Great Debates and maybe I erred in assuming it would hold true in the Pit as well as I had really never spent much time there. So I expected arguments to my thread and only got insults instead and when I resorted to insults myself I find that I have become a pariah. I have been told threads I start will not be posted to. Replies I make in other threads will be ignored.
I looked forward to this message board as an outlet for me but it is clear that I can no longer be an active participant since people not only dislike me now which I have a hard enough time with but will actively shun my participation in the board. I really had expected a bit more from a group of people who I thought valued argument over innuendo.
lswote, please don’t go away. Please. I read your posts and will continue to do so. I have no problem with you. I have been where you are, in self-esteem, and have no stone to throw. I would miss you, and we need all of the opinions and views we can get on this board. It’s the variety of people and styles that has kept me coming back here.
lswote, you probably aren’t going to heed to what I say here, but I’m going to say it anyway.
It seems to me that you didn’t learn any kind of lesson from your experience. When one actually does learn something, one doesn’t repeat their mistakes - especially so quickly. That’s what learning means.
Do not mistake my directness with a lack of empathy or understanding. I have been where you are - recently as a matter of fact. After a series of devastating events that occurred in quick succession, I nearly had a nervous breakdown last summer and I wallowed in self-pity for 6 months. What a waste of my precious life. And what a waste this is of yours.
If you really want to learn something from what’s happened here, this is what you’ll do…
[ul]
[li]Stick around and have some fun! Listen, no one’s ever come right out and said to me, “Shayna, I think you’re a jerk and I have no intention of ever replying to any of your threads.” However, if you think that there aren’t people who feel that way, I assure you you’re mistaken. I guarantee you that there are people who won’t even click open threads I start because they don’t like me. So what? With as many hundreds of active participants as there are here, I’m not going to lose sleep trying to make every single one of them like me. That’s something you could learn from this experience.[/li]
[li]If you say you’re going to quit whining, then for God’s sake, do it, man!. This topic is no less of a whiney pity party than the ones that got you in this predicament in the first place. In case you haven’t figured it out, the people here are more than happy to offer kind words of support, encouragement and advice - just don’t wear them thin on it. This is not a “support group” or “therapy” board - it’s The Straight Dope. If you’re looking for help in your personal life, you’re looking in the wrong place.[/li]
[li]Stay the hell out of the pit unless you’re going to rant about something, not someone! I don’t care if someone called you a dirty, Commie rat humper. You aren’t going to make friends and influence people (let alone convince them that you aren’t what they claim you are) by insulting the very people who you want to accept you here. Memorize this and live it: If someone says something bad about you, live your life in such a way that no one hearing it would ever believe it was true.[/li][/ul]
lswote, I do hope you’ll stick around. I think you could contribute a great deal to this site if you really want to. If you choose to wimper away with your tail between your legs, you will never heal any of the hurt that’s in your heart right now. Nothing in your life, and I mean nothing, will ever get better until you make it that way. Clearly you can see that your approach up 'til now has not worked. It’s time to try something different. I wish you the best of luck.
I’m sure you don’t know this, but I was trying to be nice to you when you started that pit thread. Up until you started to digress into general whinyness that is. Also, some rude comments just don’t sit too well with me.
You are not a bad poster, you just need some perspective at times.
I read the Pit thread, and some of the background stuff, and all I have to say is this… apologize, admit you mucked it up, and move on. It’s over, it’s done with, let it go. Find some topics that are non-lswote related and post to them. Leave the personal stuff out for a while, it’ll do you a world of good.
Now this…
…is pure, unadulterated horseshit, concrete, and you know it. Perhaps you’re unaware of message board dynamics, I dunno, but long time members have proven themselves, and therefore have earned the respect of everyone else. Newbies still have that challenge ahead of them. You won’t have any problems if you act like a fucking adult, for heaven’s sake. You want to throw a temper tantrum and flounce around like a spoiled, jealous, petulant brat? Fine. But don’t expect anyone to treat you like anything but a spoiled, jealous, petulant brat. It’s not rocket science, people.
Iswote, comments to share on your startup to this thread:
First three paragraphs are great, good and still good. Hang
in there because the response was really positive that you
don’t go off with your tail between your legs. Shayna had some great advice. Strikes me as a reflective and positive
person. You can drop your last paragraph about staying away - it’s clearly not necessary.
I’m fairly new at this so I was a bit stunned by some of the
flame-throwing [ha! napalm is more descriptive]. On the other hand I have seen some real human warmth. For example,
all the positive responses to several messages like today’s thread on VB, last week’s thread on someone’s kid being hit by a car and the WWII thread.
We all have our jerk moments. Sometimes we know it and sometimes we don’t. Don’t let the assholes get you down
by an accusation for “stealing” someone’s name or being called a wimp.
Living healthy and well, learning about yourself, and not repeating stupid jerk moments [yours and others] is the best revenge.
lswote, I spent some time yesterday typing a reply in your pit thread, because I could tell you were unprepaired for the response you got. I am spending a little more now, but It’s gettin precious… Here’s a tip. when someone says that they were trying to be nice, ACCEPT IT AND THANK THEM, FOR GODS SAKE!! I would bet real money that aenea is not to happy with you right now. If I were you, I would, for a period of 3 weeks, post only to factual threads. I would say nothing personal, and take nothing personally. It’s the only way you are gonna get back to an even keel. Right now , it’s a visious cycle. You post, someone says stop whining, you get mad and insulted and we’re off! It’s lswote at the first quarter turn with his cross in tow, followed by aenea waving what she thought was a friendly post, neck and neck with concrete trying to either stir the pot or play marter and the rest…And bringing up the rear is weirddave, doing his best to play nanny for the board. So, c’mon lswote, Nobody here knows you IRL.( for the most part) What they say here dosen’t matter, It’s St Elmo’s fire( picture rob Lowe and Demi Moore in an empty bedroom…:)) Screw it. Interact with those you chose to, and ignore the rest. Not everything someone says needs or is even worth a reply. If i were you, i’d take a major chill pill for a few weeks, let everything die down, and come back fresh. IMHO, naturally.
wd, please donate your valuable time elsewhere, your selflessness is gonna make me puke. And this aenea person is bizarre and there is no way I am going to believe her claims of trying to be nice. You can wrap dog shit in plastic and claim you gave me a candy bar but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna thank you for giving me a candy bar.
Jezebel, you and Shayna both are making the wrong assumption here. Shayna feels I am still whining and you feel I should want to stop going deeper in the hole. You both missed my point. While my apology was sincere, my goal is not to try to win friends or influence enemies. I can see I am not good at expressing my feelings but I have a wicked acid tongue and I think it is time I unleash it on a full-time basis.
Dude, chill. You’ve gotten a few mild flames, much more helpful advice, and several people have told you they don’t want you to go. Yet you seem (note: SEEM, as in, appear to me) determined to argue. What do you want? I’m at a loss here, I really am.
NOTE: I am not trying to pick an argument with you. I’m just puzzled by your reactions here.
First you ask for help, then you continue to whine… then apologize… people extend the olive branch… then you get pissed… then you apologize again then say abusive remarks…!!! I am a newbie and it would probably be wise to not say anything at this point, but since I was one of those duped into responding to your “I’m lonely and nobody likes me” thread I have to say that you are either very thick or some kind of freak who so much wants people to give him attention that even negative attention is acceptable. You are welcome to swap insults me, I think I am the only one you haven’t so far (excluding the “hag” remark of which I am proud to be one of those hags you spoke of) well go ahead, see if I care. I only know about you from what I have read in your posts for the past few days and unless you plead multiple personalities, you and you alone made yourself look like a putzle.
Please. I read your posts and will continue to do so. I have no problem with you. I have been where you are, in self-esteem, and have no stone to throw. I would miss you, and we need all of the opinions and views we can get on this board. It’s the variety of people and styles that has kept me coming back here.