Hot and sweet.
Hot and black.
First thing in the morning.
And my favorite…
Irish.
I still get big laughs with:
“I like mine strong and black. Like my men.”
Blows the conservative midwestern minds of my coworkers.
Covered In Bees!
…hot and black.
…black and at work.
…rich and black.
…black and bitter.
…freshly-ground and in a carafe.
Best one I ever heard came from Wayne’s World on SNL, between Garth’s Mom (Candice Bergen) and Wayne:
“I like my coffee the way I like my women.”
“How’s that?”
“Milk and two sugars.”
“What’s that mean?”
“I have no idea.”
I like my men like I like my overpriced Starbucks beverages - tall, skinny, sweet, and extra-hot.
Once upon a time I was a cashier at Dunkin’ Donuts.
I asked an old white man, white his old white wife in tow, how he wanted his coffee.
“Strong and black, like I like my women.”
I freakin’ died, and his wife hit him good-naturedly.
Actually, I really do like my men how I like my coffee - not at all. Mind you, I’ve never really tried coffee, but every time I consider the possibility, I just know somehow that it’s not my thing.
Obviously the analogy doesn’t work so well with women.
~ Isaac
… hermetically sealed until I’m ready to grind.
… in a spill-proof travel mug.
… flavored with chocolate and orange syrup (mmm, Mocha Valencia.)
Scalding my groin.
…hot and strong… with a spoon in them.
…in a plastic cup.
…COVERED IN BEEEEEEEEES!!!
On preview, I see malkavia beat me to the last one. Sigh.
Pllease explain “covered in bees”.
…coming out the other end.
…from a jungle.
…buttered and fermented.
…snorted.
…owned by a pimp named JFG.
Anyone seen that British coffee advert:
Woman in supermarket, sees handsome black man near her, catches his eye and picks up a Mocha Kenya instant jar (or something):
“I like my coffee exotic. Like where you’re from.”
Guy smiles, and says:
“Weeelly? Shwopshire? How wuvly!” 
…iced.
It is a joke Eddie Izzard tells. About why a beekeeper would not be able to chat up people at work.
…hand-picked, put in a sack, and thrown on the back of a donkey by Juan Valdez.
… once in the morning, and again while I’m watching Oprah.
… strong enough to make me poop.
…like I like my whiskey: 12 years old and sealed in a wooden barrel.
[mafioso]
…roasted, stuffed in a burlap sack and slung on the back of a donkey.
[/mafioso]