From my boyfriend’s three-year-old daughter:
“Daddy, I love you more than a dog loves his tail.”
“I love you more than a whale loves his spout.”
“I love you more than a raven loves his treasure.”
I think she got it from a book…extremely charming, I think.
When I was little, (back when I was still Daddy’s girl,) dad used to ask me how much I loved him. I always said: “Up to the sky and down to the ground.” I have no idea where I got it from, but evidently it just came out one day, because neither of my parents know, either.
Am I the only one who considers love an absolute? Binary? Black-and-white? If you do, you do, and if you don’t, you don’t?
I love you enough that I would do anything short of committing a major felony on your behalf.
I love you so much that I’m willing to stop eating my donut to tell you so.
I love you so much that I’m still with you despite the advice of all my friends and total strangers on the street.
More than you will ever know.
I’m guessing that you’re a guy. Women tend not to think like that. I’m also going to guess that you’re a computer kinda guy too - either that or you’re an 80-year old zen master.
Yep, you’re the only one who considers love an absolute.
I love you enough to let you handle the T.V. remote.
I love you enough to let you put one of those fuzzy things on the toilet.
I love you enough to pick up feminine hygene products for you from the store.
[Spinal Tap]
My love goes up to eleven…
[/Spinal Tap].
I usually say “Muchly and muchly”, and she’s happy with that.
When I read this, my reaction was both awwwwwwwww…how absolutely sweet and I think I’m gonna hurl.
Heck, anything that ends up with a bunch of smooching is a good thing.
I’ll bet The Perfect Child[sup]TM[/sup] has made gagging sounds lots of times after hearing that. 
“Enough to pay all your damn bills,” says I. However, this question does not usually ever come up. I’m not big on poetics and quite frankly I’d rather spend my time considering what kind of beer to buy or whether one of my characters can qualify for a prestige class than putting goopy, flowery words to a feeling.
The more regular, “Do you love me?” though, I get every now and then and I have stock answers such as, “I married you, didn’t I?” and “I reckon.”
I know, I know … I’m all heart.
How much?
holds fingers an inch apart
How much do you love the kids?
holds fingers two inches apart
How much do you love the dog?
holds arms out as far as they can reach
(all tongue in cheek, of course)
When I was a child, I loved pumpkin pie…it was my favorite, but I had no idea what it was called. Because of that, whenever I wanted to tell someone how much I loved them, I would say, “I love you more than orange pie!”
Flash forward to adulthood. My wife and I have been together for eight and a half years now, and of course, she knows my strange little saying of “I love you more than orange pie!”…
Last week, on my birthday, I came home, opened the fridge, and found an honest-to-god orange flavored pie, and on the top, written in whipped cream, was “We love you more than…”
That was the coolest birthday treat I’ve ever had!
How much do you love me?
I love you more then the last one.
(Not a good answer) 
Said to the bf one evening after he had just given me a big hug and smooch:
“I love you enough to consider letting you have the last beer.”
If that ain’t love, I don’t know what is.
If he were a Zen master, love would never be absolute. If you did love, you didn’t, and if you didn’t love, you did. But the good and bad news is that she would both love and not love you back.
I cannot say which is good and which is bad. Or can I?
Her: Do you love me?
Zen Master: Wrong.
Her: So you don’t love me?
Zen Master: Wrong.
Her: Which is it? Do you love me or not?
Zen Master: Apple strudel (he then whacks her with his stick)
One day at the Zen monastery, student FranticMad finds student miamouse locked in a sensual embrace with local villager.
“What are you doing??” asks a shocked FranticMad
“Making love, of course.” says miamouse.
“But,” protested FranticMad “I asked the Zen Master if I was allowed to have sex while meditating, and he said ‘Absolutely NOT’.”
“Well,” said miamouse "I asked the Zen Master if I was allowed to meditate while having sex, and he said “Of course!’.”
…Enough to astonish the hell outta me.
If you have to ask, you can’t afford it.