I have a 1 year old daughter who is cute as all get-out and is turning out to be as hyper as her dad. She is also a monkey that likes to climb all over things- the couch, small tables, bodies. When I’m sitting on the floor she will come over and climb on me. This is fine and dandy except when she stops to smile right in my face and decides she is so happy she needs to dance. That would be fine if my testicles weren’t located below her feet. OUCH! I try and move her, I try and protect myself, but somehow she is deadly accurate. Anytime she comes over to me I now sort of scrunch up into a ball and this has only led to her needing to balance herself more as she climbs over me so she grabs my ears. And my nose, my hair, neck skin and the occasional eyelid.
My wife isn’t much better off. For some reason she also loves to bite Wifecat. She’ll run across the room (well, toddler run which looks like an orangutan walk without the fur) and bite mommy. Then smile.
If you asked me today what I thought my daughter would grow up to do as an adult, I’d have to say a professional Dominatrix. The look of glee on her face while ripping my cheeks off is scary. It is almost as if she is demanding that I enjoy the pain she is administering to me.
For some reason I’ve now got May The Circle Be Unbroken running through my mind. I don’t know if it’s in reference to her returning full circle to her “roots” or if it’s in the hope your two scrotular circles dont get crushed but either way it’s mildly disturbing.
I have a two year old that occasionally catches my loving husband right in the jewels. The other day, while wearing only his bathrobe, he layed down our baby girl to change her diaper. Her ice cold feet landed directly between his legs and made contact with “the boys” through the opened front of his robe. Ah, such a yell! What must the neighbors think?
Nothing too mysterious here, just a little basic Darwinism goin’ on; maximizing access to scarce resources and all that. Siblings would only mean competion, your daughter’s trying to stamp 'em out early.
Tomcat, I’m assuming you’re a first time dad, here. If not then you already know this, but take it for what it’s worth.
It’s only gonna get worse.
You are the designated jungle gym, for years to come. The biting does stop, eventually, once she gets used to having chompers, but it can be trying, in the meantime.
A few more months down the road, your nuts will be no safer, but the instrument of pain infliction changes. When she’s walking a bit better, and stands just a bit taller… you see where I’m headed with this, right?
Them “Hello Daddy!” hugs can bring tears to your eyes, and not just because you’re happy to see her, too.
Y’already know that a nap on the living room couch in the afternoon is begging for trouble, yeah?
'Course, it only gets better, too, but nobody ever said being a parent made a lot of sense. Enjoy, mate.
[sub]And happy belated Father’s Day to ya, while I’m at it.[/sub]
Man, the worst was when my little sister discovered swinging towards a guy’s nuts was just a hysterical way to make him dance out of the way and cover himself…
Oh man, my nephews used to just love to jump on uncle photopat’s lap. They’d always land with one foot or knee right between my legs. It got to the point where if I saw one of them running toward me I’d clamp my legs together and grab them just as they hit my knees.
They’re getting older now though, and it won’t be long til they start to understand what pain really means.
